Lose Yourself
by Mollypolly55
Summary: "When I was three, my mom died... And two years later, my dad had a bad day at work, I guess. That was the first day he hit me. Hitting turned into mental abuse. And I guess he got off on that. Because when I was ten... he started touching me." And OOC
1. Chapter 1 Today's the Day

**Chapter 1**

**Today's the day.**

**I hope you like the story!**

* * *

Well... Today's the day. Yay! I guess.

"Are you excited, Max?" The social worker asked.

"Yes," I faked a smile. I learned at an early age to lie and hide emotions. We were driving to my new home. My foster home. I took a deep breath as we parked next to a two story house.

Okay, mental review.

Mom: Cheyenne Preston.

Dad: Ben Preston.

Sister: Alison Preston.

Brother: Zephry Preston.

I am there first foster child. But they adopted there niece when she was two. Alison. They know almost everything about me from the paperwork. Which is kind of weird because I've never met them before. But who knows, they sound like good people.

I grabbed everything I owned from the trunk of the car. A backpack, two duffel backs, and my stuffed dog Rodger.

"Can I help you, Max?" Anne asked.

"No, I've got it."

We walked onto the porch and Anne dang the doorbell. "It'll be okay," She said, hugging my shoulders. I nodded and smiled. When she looked away, I glanced down at my arms. Good the cover up still had the scars hidden. No one wants to see those. I should have worn a long sleeve shirt today.

A women with brown hair and green eyes answered the door. She was tall and thin. Cheyenne. I recognized her from the pictures. I realized I had glance up at her for a second then my eyes had drifted to my shoes.

"Hello Cheyenne," Anne said.

"Hi Anne! Oh and hello Max! It's so nice to finally meet you!" By her voice I could tell she was smiling. "Come in, come in! Come meet our family." I nodded and followed Anne in. Biting my lip and hugging Rodger closer to my chest.

_*Flash back*_

"Max, this is Rodger... He'll be here to take care of you and love you for me when I'm not here. I love you sweetie." My mom said.

"Thank you!" I squealed hugging the dog. "I love you too Mommy."

"I'll always be watching over you baby. Even though you might not be able to see me, I'll always love you, Max."

"I know, I'll always love you too. But, I know when you're not here, you'll be safe with god and angels and in heaven, right?"

She blinked a few times and nodded. She looked back down at me standing next to her hospital bed. She drew in a shaky breath, "And I'm so so very sorry, honey." She whispered.

"Why are you sorry, Mama?" I was only three at the time and didn't understand. If only I had knew what would happen in two years.

_*End of flash back*_

I walked into a large room connected to a kitchen. In the living room, I guess it is, at least, was a tall man with brown hair and eyes. Ben. He was was standing next to a girl who was about my age, fifteen. She had carmel skin, dark brown hair, and warm chocolate eyes. She was smiling friendly at me. She was siting on the couch with a fuzzy black dog in her lap. Alison. And next to her on the couch was a sandy haired boy with blue eyes. He, too, was smiling.

"Guys, this is Max." Cheyenne introduced me. "And Max this is Ben, Allie, Total, and Zephry."

"Hello," I said trying to look up from my shoes.

We made small talk for a while and then Anne left. I was praying she'd never leave, but she had other kids to attend to.

They showed me around they had a big house. I had my own room with an awesome balcony. They were very friendly too.

"Feel free to help yourself to anything, Max. Don't feel like you have to ask to use the computer or watch TV. And the kitchen is always open for business." Cheyenne chuckled softly. I fake another smile. "Would you like some help unpacking?" She touched my should. I tried not to flinch. I really tried but couldn't help it, I flinched and pulled away from the touch.

I looked up at her my eyes pleading for forgiveness. She smiled warmly obviously pretending it didn't happen and saying it's okay in the same expression.

"No, that's okay, but thank you though." She nodded and walked to the door.

"I'm right next door, if you need anything, Max." Allie said.

I nodded, "Okay, thanks."

"Okay go ahead get unpacked, and relax." Cheyenne said, "Dinners at seven."

"Thank you." I said as everyone left. I looked around my room. It was very big. I looked down at how little I had to fill up the space. Oh well, at least it won't be crowed.

Half an hour later everything was unpacked and in its proper place. Clothes in the closet, Rodger sitting on my bed. My four books I owned in the night stand, pillow on the bed behind Rodger, and a snow man snow globe on top of my nightstand.

I walked out into the living room. Ben was at the stove, cooking something. Allie, Zephry, and Cheyenne were sitting on the couches. Allie painting her toe nails over a paper towel, Zephry watching tv, and Cheyenne reading.

I wasn't exactly sure if I should just walk in and sit down or walk in and say hi. Would they yelling at me for interrupting what they were doing? Anne said they wouldn't treat me like _he_ did. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, walked in and said, "Hi."

They all looked up and said hi back. "Max! Can I paint your nails they'd looked so pretty in a pink shade! Or maybe blue? And-". Zephry slapped his hand over his sisters mouth. Holy jeez! What's he doing to her?

"You can out talk anyone Nudge," Zephry took his hand off of her mouth. Nudge? I thought her name was Allie?

"My nickname is Nudge," Allie told me.

"Oh that makes sense."

"So can I paint your nails?"

"Sure." I sat by her feet on the floor and she sat next to me on the ground. "I've only had my nails painted when I was little. I bet they'll look pretty."

Nudge looked stunned, "What?"

I shrugged.

She shook her head, "Well that's definitely going to change. Which color?" I chose a blue. Nudge painted my finger nails, each stroke of the brush was gentle and careful. She did a perfect job.

"Years of practiced."

I smiled a real smiled. "Thank you," I said to her.

Her whole face lit up.

"Dinner!" Ben called. I stood up and walked over to the table with Nudge. I sat in an empty chair next to her.

That's how the rest of the week went. The family was very friendly, happy, and helpful. I liked them and starting to get used to them and a normal house hold. Especialy Ben. At first I didn't really talk to him anf didn't like being in a room alone with him. But he was okay and understanding. He seems like a good guy, a real dad. I looked down at the scars on my arms as I lay in bed, not able to recall why I used to cut myself.

I woke at two AM sweating and biting my lip to keep from screaming. I took a deep breath just a dream Max, just a dream. I felt the strange feeling fall over me - that hollowness feeling- I was sorta of used to that feeling though. I always got that feeling before my dad would rape me. I shivered. Take a deep breath, he's in jail and can not get to you.

And then I had an answer to my questions. That's why I cut myself.

In the morning I slipped on a long sleeve T shirt to hide the newly cut marks on my arms. I would put cover up on them instead but they could get infect. That happened before, not much fun.

I walked out and sat next to Gazzy on the couch. I found out his nickname too. I also found out _why _he had that as his nickname.

A little while later Cheyenne walked into the living room.

"Hey, Cheyenne? Can I take Total for a walk?"

Cheyenne looked delighted, "Of course! His leashes is right here." She picked a blue leach off the counter and handed it to me. "He loves walks."

"Total!" I called. He came scampering into the room. I leashed him up, said bye, and walked out the front door.

I walked down the steps and looked around at the neighboring houses. I caught sight of two boys throwing a foot ball back and forth in their front yard next door, they were laughing at something. They looked to be sixteen. There was also a girl yelling at them about something she looked ten.

Total yapped excitedly when he saw the girl.

"Total!" The blond curly haired, blue eyed, ten year old shouted racing towards Total.

**Fang's POV Eight AM.**

"Did you hear Mrs. Preston is fostering a fifteen year old girl?" My mom shook her head and clicked her tongue. Judge mental, as always. "I hope she isn't a crazy kid. Doing drugs and such. What if she is? What if she starts breaking into people's house? And robbing them?" Mom gasped.

"Mom. Breathe." Iggy said rolling his eyes.

Mom looked offended. "Well," She muttered turning around to the sink.

"That poor girl," Angel shook her head sadly.

"Wanna go throw the football around?" Iggy asked.

I nodded and we walked out side with Angel following us.

"So, a foster girl? Think she's pretty?" Iggy asked tossing the football at me.

I smirked, "Hopefully."

"You guys are mean! Mrs. Preston told Mom and I she was physically, mentally, and sexually abused." Angel said.

"So, think she goes all the way?" I looked at Iggy and we started cracking up. Angel rolled her eyes.

We heard a dog barking, "Woah... Dude, look." Iggy said. I turned around and there was the beautifulest girl I ever saw standing there. She had shoulder length blond hair, brown eyes, she was tall and thin, she had full lips, a small butt, and she was at least a size C at the smallest.

"Total!" Angel cried sprinting over to the new neighbor girl and Total. Total? Holy shit. That girl is the foster girl.

I looked over at Iggy, he had made the same realization.

**Max's pov.**

The girl ran over picked up Total and hugged him tight. He licked her cheeks happily.

"Hi," I said to the girl.

She looked up, as if realizing I was here. "Oh, hi! You must be Max! I'm Angel." She smiled at me, then looked over her shoulder as the boys approached. "They're my brothers, don't make friends with them. They're butt heads."

I laughed and smiled. "I'll try not to then."

The boys walked up to us.

"Hi... I'm Iggy and my brother Fang and my little sister Angel." Iggy introduced us.

"They're also known as the butt head squad," Angel said causing me to laugh again. "We already met." Angel said, rolling her eyes at Iggy.

"Hi, I'm Max." I said to them.

"Nice to meet you," Iggy said. "We were just playing football, wanna play?"

"Oh, sure. I'm not very good though."

"That's okay," Fang said. That was the first word he ever spoke to me. He had a nice voice, kinda dark and deep.

We played football for awhile. I was fairly good, just throwing the football back and froth. We had talked a lot, everyone. And Angel accused both boys of flirting multiple times which always maybe me laugh. Why would anyone want to flirt with me?

When I was headed back to the house I noticed they didn't ask why I live here or if they did know they didn't bring up the fact I was in a foster home. I smiled a real smile. Good, because it's nice. Not to have them know about my old life. Maybe I won't tell them about that for awhile.

**So, what'd you think? Good? Bad? Should I keep writing this story? **


	2. Chapter 2 Barbecue!

**Chapter 2**

**Barbecue!**

I woke up, gasping in the middle of the night. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and a quite sob escaped my lips. Just a dream. It's just a dream. I drew in a ragged breath. I hated those dreams, and this is the fifth night it a row that I've had one. That's not good. I don't usually dream at all, but, if on a rare occasion I do. It's a nightmare.

When I was first taken away from my dad, I was sent to a home with four other kids. I stayed there for two weeks while Anne found a home for me to live in. While I was staying there, I was forced to see a therapist. She was nice and comforting, but the sessions themselves were hard. I had only seen her three times when she said I didn't need to go anymore, I wasn't at risk of doing anything crazy but if I wanted to, I could keep visiting. I had declined her offer. I didn't want to talk about what happened. What he did to me. But now, I look back at things she had told, things that would help with the dreams and memories. So of them were as simple as a stress ball. Others were as big as anti depressants.

Although, I did find one thing that helped greatly with the dreams. I grabbed my blade out of it's hiding place and walked silently to the bathroom.

* * *

It was my second week here. I really liked the family and was glad to be able to call them that. My family.

"We need desperately need to take you shopping, Max," Nudge said.

I looked down at my clothes. They covered my body, a bit worn, though. What could be wrong with them?

"Why?" I asked her.

"Well, for one, you only have seven sets of clothes."

I shrugged, "One for every day of the week."

"Two, because they're all T- shirts and jeans, you need more of a variety!"

"They're comfortable, though."

"And three because this morning, Mom invited the Wilson's over for a barbecue tomorrow night, she told me to tell you. And when she told me about it, I thought, 'Hey! This would be a perfect opportunity to take Max shopping!'"

The Wilson's? Oh yeah, Fang and Iggy's family. I found out the Preston's and Wilson's were good friends. Cheyenne and Mrs. Wilson worked together. Gazzy, Nudge, Fang, Iggy, Angel, and I have hung out a lot. It was fun. We don't really go to the movies or anywhere, like you would see on TV, we mainly hang out at each others houses.

No one had said anything about my being in foster care. I'm positive the Wilson's know, though. It almost did get brought up at one point. We were at Fang's house and everyone was talking about when they were thirteen. Angel was complaining because she hadn't reached thirteen yet. The topic was being pass around and it when it came to me, I stood, said, "Excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom." And left the room. I think for a second everyone had forgotten, because when I left, all of there expressions looked as if they had just seen someone murder a puppy. I knew it was an honest mistake and they hadn't meant to make me feel upset. I hadn't been upset, though. I just hadn't wanted to talk about it. When I came out of the bathroom five minutes later, everyone acted as if nothing had happened.

And the Preston's didn't really ask or say much about it. They understood I didn't want to talk about it. But if it did get brought up, I wouldn't say much or use the bathroom as and excuse to leave the room.

I bit my lip, "Did Cheyenne say it was okay if I went shopping with you?"

"Of course she said it was okay! In fact, she wants to go with us." Nudge smiled.

All the girls were going shopping? I smiled. It wasn't fake. "That's great! What time are we leaving?"

"After breakfast."

After breakfast, like Nudge said, we left for the mall.

"We need to get you a swim suit too," Nudge said, as she looked in her pocket mirror, fixing her make up. "We'll probably be swimming at the barbecue."

"We'll definitely be swimming at the barbecue. What's a barbecue without swimming?" Cheyenne pointed out.

Swimming? That won't be good... The scars on my arms aren't the only ones I have.

"I could just wear a loose T- shirt to go swimming in," I said.

Cheyenne met my eyes in the rear view mirror. "We could get you a one piece swim suit and then like swim trunks, Max." That's one of the things I like about Cheyenne. She was always very understanding and had a solution to almost everything.

I smiled a little, "Okay," I nodded.

At the mall, Nudge took me to almost every store. I couldn't even pronounce some of the store's names.

"We should get you this pair of sun glasses! They'd be so cute on you!" She put them on my face. "Were definitely getting these! Ooh do you wanna get your ears pierced?"

"Nudge, I think I have enough clothes now." I said as she held another shirt up to my chest. I had one tank top, three pairs of jeans, two cami's, three jean shorts, five T-shirts, one pair of gym shorts, underwear, PJs, one piece swim suit, swim trunks, and two long sleeve shirts. I had protested most of the clothes. My outfits were fine, but both Nudge and Cheyenne kept insisting on getting new clothes. I didn't want to offend them so, I dropped it. But that didn't stop me from saying thank you every few minutes.

"We should get you some accessories!"

"I probably won't wear many accessories, Nudge." I said.

"Allie kind of goes crazy when we go shopping." Cheyenne told me, smiling. "Allie, honey, it's time to check out now and go get lunch." Cheyenne said tapping Nudge's shoulder.

Nudge turned around, "Aw, really? Okay."

* * *

"So, what do you think of Fang?" Nudge asked the next day. I was sitting cross legged on her bed. She was taking ear rings out of her ear lobe.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, he's pretty cute, huh." She wiggled her eyebrows.

I cracked a smile, "I guess. He's seems for a friend to me."

She rolled hers eyes, "He was totally flirting with you last night."

I flinched a little at the thought. I wasn't ready for anything more than a friend. I wasn't sure if I ever would be. "What do you think of Fang?"

"I think he's cute, he's got that mysterious biker dude thing, goin' on. But last year, there was a guy in my class, Brandon. He's way cuter."

"Does he like you, too?"

"Woah, woah, woah, I didn't say I liked him. I said he was cute." The way Nudge mumbled the last sentence made me laugh a little.

Someone knocked on Nudge's closed bedroom door. Angel opened the door and ran to give Nudge and I a hug.

"Come on! Come on! Everyone's outside!" Angel said tugging on my hand.

"Oh everyone's already here?" Nudge asked.

Angel nodded.

"I'm going to go put on my swim suit then," I said standing up.

"Be fast!" Angel said.

"I'll try to." I walked into my room and quickly pulled on my swim suit and trunks. I found Angel waiting outside my bedroom door.

"Ready?"

"Yep."

We walked out and found Nudge and the others in the swimming pool.

"Jump in Max!" Iggy called.

"Is it cold?" I asked. I didn't like cold pool water.

"It's fine!"

I poked my toe in the water. It wasn't too bad.

"You first." I said to Angel.

"Okay." She backed a few steps, then ran forward, throwing herself into the pool.

"Your turn!" She called.

I backed up a little and jumped over the pool water, waiting for the splash. It hit me like a ton of bricks, though. As the water hit my face and I gasped in a breath, causing me to inhale water. The water hitting my face triggering another memory of my dad. I don't won't go into detail. Too horrible. I'll just say, it involved my dad, me, and the a bathtub.

I push off the bottom of the pool, desperately trying to reach the surface. I finally surfaced, gagging and choking and spitting water. Fang had his arm wrapped around my waist keeping me from going under again. Nudge was holding my hand as I coughed once more. Why do these memories keep coming back? They never used to happen unless it was a _very _similar situation!

"Max are you okay?" I looked up and saw Cheyenne, Ben, Mrs. and Mr. Preston standing at the end of the pool. They all looked worried and concerned.

I swallowed again, my throat burning. I nodded, "I'm fine," My voice sounded a bit odd.

"Are you sure?" Ben asked.

"Yes."

"What happened?" Fang said, his hand still wrapped around my waist.

I wiggled free of his arm. "Nothing. I accidentally swallowed water. That's all."

Fang looked as if he didn't believe me. "Okay, do you need anything? I could get you some water, "Cheyenne offered.

"I'm fine, but thanks." She nodded and smiled reassuringly at me, and the adults went back to grilling the food.

Ten minutes later, everyone was swimming and splashing around. Except the adults, who were still grilling the food, laughing about something. I was sitting on the pool stairs. Still being haunted by the memory. My mind was racing with thoughts and I hated it. I wanted it to stop. II took a deep breath, grasping at straws.

I stood up and walked into the house. No one seemed to notice me walking by. I walked through the living room and up to my bedroom. I need to stop this feeling. What happened is over. It won't happen ever again. Forget.

I didn't care if they realized I was gone. I just needed the pain. The blood.

I was squatted down on my floor opening my night stand drawer and pulling out a tissue box. The blade was hidden at the bottom. Under the Kleenex's when I heard, "What are you doing?"

I spun around and met Fang's eyes.

"Nothing, just getting a Kleenex." I shrugged trying to keep my voice from squeaking. I grabbed a Kleenex and wiped my nose.

"Are you okay, Max? You were acting really off after the pool thing." I put the used Kleenex it the garbage can.

I nodded, "Totally fine." I tossed the tissue box into my nightstand, then stood up and sat on my bed. Bringing Rodger close to my chest. Petting his ears.

Fang raised his eyebrow at my stuffed dog.

"Oh... This is Rodger." I kept my arms around Rodger, keeping him safe. I didn't know how Fang would react. Laugh at me maybe, but I didn't really care what him thought of Rodger.

Fang lips slid into a smile, "I like his black ear." I smiled a little back. Rodger was tan with a black spot on his ear and chest.

"Thanks."


	3. Chapter 3 Part of the Family

**Chapter 3**

**Part of the Family**

"Lets order a pizza! Who wants peperoni?" Nudge asked. Grabbing her cell phone and dialing a number.

"I want peperoni!" Angel called from the kitchen. Walking out with a can of soda in her hand.

"Get green peppers, too please," Iggy said.

"And garlic bread!" Gazzy shouted.

"How many pizzas?" Nudge wondered, pressing the phone to her ear.

"Five would be good." Fang said.

"Five?" I said, sounding surprised.

"Well, yeah. Have you seen how much the six of us eat?"

I smiled a little.

"Gazzy eats a lot, that's why," Nudge said. Then, "Hello? Could we get five pizzas to go, please?"

Gazzy stuck his tongue out at Nudge.

I heard a crack of thunder outside. I stood up and looked out the window, just as rain began to fall. I smiled. Always have loved the rain, always will.

Nudge hung up the phone.

"Hey, lets go outside," I said, still staring out the window.

"But it's raining," Angel said. She walked up next to me, so she could also look out the window.

"I know. Rain is fun, though."

"I agree," Fang said, "Lets go outside."

"Of course he agrees with Max," I heard Gazzy whisper.

I was a bit taken aback. But from years of experience, I kept my mouth shut.

I stood up and unlocked the back door.

"Lets go!" I said smiling a real smile. I walked outside with the others following.

I instantly ran out into the rain. Running around, spinning with my arms stretched out wide. Rain was wonderful. It's supposed to be sad and gloomy. I see it as happy, fun, exciting, healthy, pretty, and it helps water plants and flowers, though.

Total, following my lead, pranced out into the rain too. He started sniffing the wet grass. Rain fell down, making dark patches on his fur.

"Come on," I said. Pulling Angel and Nudge by the hand, out into the rain. They squealed as the cold droplets pelted them.

"It's cold!" Angel said, hugging herself to keep warm.

"This is totally going to mess up my hair!" Nudge shrieked.

Gazzy cackled. "Put a hat on!" He called.

Nudge glared at him. Then she dragged Iggy, Fang, and him into the rain with the rest of us.

I began twirling again smiling up to the sky. I looked at the rest of them, as they gave me an odd look.

"It's fun," I shrugged. I grabbed Angels hands and started spinning in a circle with her. She giggled.

Suddenly, I felt something wetter then rain spray onto my back. My first instinct was to freeze. I go stiff. When nothing else besides snickering happened, I turned around. Don't ask me how they did it, but all three boys were holding water guns and just sprayed me in the back, in Nudge's hair, and on Angel's stomach. All three of the guys were laughing hysterically at Nudge, Angel's, and my shocked expression.

"Oh! It is on!" Angel shouted, I swear she was moving so fast she blurred. Angel picked up the garden hose, turned it on, and before the boys had a chance to flee, Angel drenched them in even colder water.

Angel, Nudge, and I started laughing at the boy's reaction. Gazzy tried to duck and cover. It didn't work out very well. Iggy tried to block the water with his hand, which again didn't work out. And Fang tried to dodged it, and moved to the side. Which didn't work out either.

By then we were all dripping wet in frigid water.

"You guys are butt heads," Angel said trotting back over to us, glaring at the boys.

"Us? You sprayed us with the hose!" Gazzy exclaimed.

"You started it!" Angel pointed out.

"Guys," Iggy said rolling eyes.

We must have a really loud doorbell, I hadn't noticed before. Because We hear the doorbell ring, from outback and through the rain and thunder.

"Pizza!" Angel cried, running inside.

A little while later, everyone was wrapped in blankets and eating pizza.

Taking a steaming hot shower sounded really good, right now. I was freezing cold. I felt myself shiver and pull the blanket tighter around me.

I stood up, "I'm going to go get into warmer clothes." I said.

"Oh, you should wear that new long sleeve shirt!" Nudge said.

"Okay," I replied and walked into my room, closing the door behind me.

I quickly changed my clothes and threw the wet ones into the hamper. I sat down on my bed as I put socks on my feet. Something on my nightstand caught my eye. I turned to see what it was. Next to my nightstand was a picture frame. In the frame was a picture Of Cheyenne, Ben, Nudge, Gazzy, and I taken at the barbecue.

I broke into a smile. For some reason this had really touched my heart. It had made me feel excepted... Part of the family.

* * *

The next day during dinner, Cheyenne and Ben were talking to us about school.

"School is just around the corner!" Cheyenne said.

"What day do we start?" Gazzy asked. He would be going into the eighth grade.

"The nineth of Augest." Ben replied. Today was the July twenty fifth.

"That sucks." Nudge complained, poking at her mashed potatoes.

Cheyenne frowned.

"Well that means we get to go school shopping soon." Ben pointed out.

Nudge's face lit up and Gazzy frowned. I cut off a couple pieces of my chicken and began to eat.

"Max, are you excited to start school?" Ben asked.

I shrugged. "Yes. I guess so."

"You'll like it. It'll be fun." Cheyenne said reassuringly. She gently patted my hand. I had gotten used to the family kind of loving touch. As long as it wasn't surprising and come out of know where. I was okay. "Nudge will introduce you to new friends."

"Totally! Speaking of which, could my friend come over tommorrow?" Nudge asked.

Cheyenne nodded as Ben said, "That's fine."

* * *

Like almost every night here, I woke up. Tears streaming down my cheeks and I muffled a sob. I'm okay_. _I thought to myself, It's okay. I'm fine. Really fine.

I wiped my cheeks and stood up. I grabbed the blade and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I sat down, my back leaning against the tub. I turned up the under side of my left wrist. I took the blade in my right hand and sliced it across my left wrist. I sucked a breath. I watched as red fall from the cut and started to pool on the floor. I sighed blissfuly at the aderiline rush.

I could handle the pain. I had made it through what my dad did to me, I could handle anything. Why me, though? Why would he do that? To his daughter?

And as my thoughts slowed to nothing, I smiled.

* * *

I was laying on my stomach on my bed. Reading one of my four favorite and only books. Someone knocked on my door.

"Come in," I called.

Nudge and a brown haired hysipanic girl walked in. "Max, this is my friend, Ella."

"Hi, Ella." I said.

She smiled. "Hi Max, it's nice to finally meet you. Nudge has told me a lot about you."

I smiled slightly, "Nice to meet you, too."

"Want to come hang out with us?" Nudge offered.

"Maybe in a little. I want to finish this chapter first, if that's okay."

"That's fine." Nudge said. "We'll be in my room, watching a movie."

"Okay. Thanks." I smiled, it was a little fake.

"'Kay, see you soon." They both walked out.

Once they were gone, I stood up, put on a long sleeve shirt and brushed out my hair. Putting it up in a pony tail.

I walked out of my room and knocked before walking into Nudge's. Total followed me in. I sat down on the bed next to them.

"What are we watching?" I asked.

"How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." Nudge said. I smirked. I've seen this movie a bunch of times before but I still loved it.

**Any thoughts? Ideas? Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4 My Story

**Chapter 4**

**My story**

It was one week before school started. I'll be a sophomore. And I won't know anyone at the new school besides Nudge, Iggy, Fang, and Ella. I'm pretty much used to not having many friends anyway. When I still lived with my dad, I didn't have very many friends. Didn't like to get to know people, and I didn't like people to know about me.

At least I'll know someone. And besides, I don't want to know anyone. I don't want them to know about me or my life. Friends can turn their back on you before you could blink. They might pretend to be friends so they can find out about your life. Then, go talk about you behind your back to their other bitchy friends. Make up rumors that are so insane you think people would definitely be able to tell it's a rumor, and not believe it. But no, wrong. It seems people will believe almost anything just so they have something to talk about. To compare to their lives and be so glad they aren't "That Girl". And then you become an outcast even more then you already are. Just because you trusted the wrong person.

Told them you're secrets. Your life. Things you except them to_ keep_ a secret. But they just want to make themselves more popular and end up making someone else miserable. What's so great about being popular anyway? You'd have billions of friends, but you'd hardly know at least three of those friend personally. Wouldn't you rather have one friend that you could depend on? To help you? Do their best to make you feel like at least one person in the whole world loves you. God knows I've never had a friend like that.

And one day, the rumors start up about _you. _You've heard rumors before, never really believed them or thought much about them. And definitely never thought they'd be about you. But one day you come to school. Glad to escape that hellhole of a house you're supposed to call home. Then during lunch, you're sitting alone, eating a sandwich, when a girl comes up and asks, "Is it true?"

You're not sure what she's talking about so you ask, "Is what true?"

"That when you were three, your mom committed suicide because she hated you so much, and that your dad hates you too and for what you did to your mom, and he beats you because of that."

At first, it's so crazy you wonder why people would believe that and how stupid the rumor is. Then you notice a few days later the rumor is the only thing that occupies your attention. And the questions start. Is that true? No, it couldn't be. It'd make sense, though. And then the rumor becomes puzzle pieces. You try to put different ideas together to see what fits. Did your Mom really hate you? She died and before she did, she had said she'd always protect you. Be your guarding angel. But that obliviously wasn't true.

Then for some insane and crazy reason, you tell your dad there's a rumor being spread about you. You don't tell him exactly what the rumor was about, so hopefully he won't get mad. Hoping that maybe he'll see through the abuse and cloudy darkness to really see his eight year old daughter. Your praying and hoping and wishing he'd give you a hug and tell you it's okay and he'll talk to your teacher. But that's not what happens. You end up with a slap across the face and your dad saying, "Buck up. You're eight, you can handle it."

I sighed slightly and looked over my high school schedule that had gotten sent in the mail.

Period one: Biology with Mrs. Fergus.

Period two: Theatre with Mrs. Nardone.

Period three: Geometry with Mr. Hyde.

Period four: Langue Arts with Mrs. Moya.

Period five: Gym with Mrs. Smith.

Period six: Art with Mrs. Howard.

I sighed again. It'll be okay. At least I have art class. I've always loved art.

There was a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in," I called, sitting up.

Fang walked in. "Hey."

"Hey." I said. He sat on my bed and unfolded a slip of paper.

"Want to see my schedule?"

"Okay." I handed Fang my schedule and I took his.

"We have second, fifth, and sixth period together." I said.

Fang smiled a little, "You're the only one, that has classes with me. Iggy and Nudge don't have any class with me, and neither do any of my other friends."

I smiled back. "I have classes with Nudge. Not sure about Iggy or Ella, though."

"I don't think you have any classes with Iggy." Fang skimmed over my schedule again.

I shrugged. "I'll still see him after school. Did you have art class last year?"

"No, but I wanted to take it."

"I like art." I smiled and grabbed Rodger from behind my back. I hugged him close to my chest.

Fang smiled, "Rodger again," It might have sounded rude. But he said it kindly and gently. An opening for a conversation. A conversation I didn't want to have, but sooner or later I'd have to tell him.

"Yeah. My mom gave him to me."

"That was nice of her." He was giving me a choice. I could tell him on my own will right now, or back track.

I nodded. "She... She gave him to me a week before she pasted away."

Fang covered my hand with his. His eyes filled with sadness. Like he truly understood. "I'm sorry. It must have been pretty hard on you and your dad," I flinched for some reason when he said "Dad".

I nodded slightly. It was now or never. I took a deep breath. The words all flowing naturally to me, "When I was three, she died... And two years later, my dad had a bad day at work, I guess. That was the first day he hit me. Hitting turned into mental abuse. And, I guess he got off on that. Because when I was ten... he started touching me."

"Oh, Max," Fang shock his head, "I'm so so sorry. That's horrible." He squeezed my hand, tight. "That's... T-that's insane. How could he do that to you?"

"My thoughts exactly." I looked down at Rodger and started rubbing his ears with the hand Fang wasn't holding.

"I hope the bastard is in jail."

I nodded. "About a month now."

Fang was quite letting this all soak in. When a thought hit, why did I tell him all that? I just said I didn't want people knowing about me! And I just completely opened myself to him! Told him what my dad had done to me! What if he's one of _those _kids and starts more rumors! Tells people? How cold I be so arrogant? I'm so stupid! Just like my dad told me a hundred times! I'm stupid! Why did I do that? I had only known him for a month, for crying out loud! Who knew if I could trust him or not?

I wrenched my hand from his. "Excuse me," I stood up and closed the bedroom door, then walked into the bathroom. Locking that door behind me.

How could I tell him all that! I just completely and entirely opened myself to him! I hadn't said much, but he knew my story now.

I camped out in the bathroom for about an hour. I wanted to wait until Fang left. I didn't want to talk to him. I walked out of the bathroom and back into my room I sat down my bed. I heard a crinkle as if I sat down on paper. I stood up and looked at what I was sitting on. It was a note. I picked it up and opened it. In chicken scratch hand writing, it read, _I'm sorry._ Fang, that was my first thought. I sighed. He's sorry?

Sorry about what? My abusive dad? Him just feeling sorry that I had a shitty life? That I told him all that and ran from the room, so he probably thought I was upset. That he had made me upset. Or, maybe me telling him had made me run from the room and feel upset? He's sorry. The words rang in my head. I'm not sure what he was sorry for, exactly. But whatever that was he's sorry for. I forgave him.


	5. Chapter 5 Girl in the Mirror

**Chapter 5**

**Girl in the Mirror**

Fang and I haven't said anything about my dad, or me storming out of the my bedroom. Neither of us knew what to say, or how to react. When I saw him two days later, it wasn't awkward. We both acted as if nothing happened. Didn't avoid each other in any way, just acted normal. And we were fine, not mean or faking, just regular Max and Fang. No one seemed to noticed anything different either.

"Close your eyes," Nudge ordered. I closed my eyes. I felt her brush some make up onto my eye lids. I tired not to flinch. I never really wore make up, and I didn't like how it felt. All sticky and greasey.

It was Friday night, before school started. Cheyenne and Ben had agreed to letting Nudge throw a party but only if they got to stay home. Nudge had complained how they would "crash" her party. So, they had compromised that Cheyenne and Ben would stay in their bedroom and wouldn't come out until the party was over.

It was about six thirty PM and the party will start around seven PM and ended at one AM.

"How many people are coming?" I asked as Nudge pulled on my eyelashes with some metal thing. A curler of some sort. An eyelash curler, I think. It hurt my eyes and I pulled back a little.

"Around sixty?"

"Sixty?"

"Yeah. And everyone might bring a few friends."

"Why are so many people coming?"

"They're mainly all the people I had classes with last year." Nudge set down her brushes and curlers and everything. "There! Aw, You look so pretty!" Nudge smiled.

I turned to look into the bathroom mirror. At first I didn't recognize myself. The girl looking back at me in the mirror had big, round, brown eyes, lined in black, her eyelashes were long and thick, and her eyes seemed to have a smokey tint around them. Her cheek bones were pink and that made her skin glisten. And lastly, her lips were a rosy red color.

It might sound a little over the top; too much make up. But it all looked natural. Like, that's how her features always appear. Pretty and clean. I smiled.

"Oh, Nudge," I breathed, "Thank you." I touch my face and the girl in the mirror mimicked my motion.

Her face lit up and she threw her arms around me, wrapping me in a hug.

* * *

**Fang's POV**

"Have fun tonight, honey." My mom said.

I cracked open the top to a soda can. "Thanks."

"Don't do anything too crazy," She warned, looking me in the eye. Making sure I understood.

"I won't," I muttered trying to pay attention to the TV.

"And try to stay away from that Max."

"What? Why?" I asked turning towards her.

"Remember at the barbecue? She practically tried to kill herself in front of us! You remember! She tried to drowned herself! She's crazy! You've seen her." Mom shook her head.

How could she even think that? "Mom, she didn't try to kill herself, she just swallowed some water by accident. She's not crazy, she's just had a hard life."

"Didn't look like she 'just swallowed some water' to me." Mom muttered.

"Mom, you don't what you're talking about."

"Oh, I sure do know what I'm talking about!"

"Mom! She's not crazy! She's had a really hard life! Her dad used to hit her, Mom! When she was only ten her dad raped her! _Raped, _Mom! She was only ten! She was only a little girl and her dad raped her! She's not crazy or psycho or anything! She's just had an extremely hard life and had a lot to take on at an early age! And it's not helping that you're already judging her! You don't even know her, Mom! She's not crazy, you're just being your judgemental self as always!" I stood up and walked into my room slamming and locking the door behind me.

How could she say that about Max? How could she just assume and pretend she knew Max when she obviously doesn't? She always does this, just assumes and doesn't listen to what anyone else has to say! Only believes her judgements! She assumes everything about everyone before she evens meets them! And usually when she does it, we just ignore her and don't listen. But how can she be so mean to Max? She's had such a hard life and Mom is already being her bitchy self to the poor girl!

Mom can't just assume things about people! I'm surprised she even has friends! That two faced bitch of a mom. And she doesn't even realize it! She just goes on and on! Then, if you try to tell her you don't want to hear, she ignores you and goes on with her opinion until she's finished! Doesn't even bother to consider if it's rude or mean or about someone you care about! "Oh that person is so vile! They're such a harm to society!"

"Mom, you don't even know them."

"Well from that I heard, that description fits them perfectly!"

God! She's such a fucking bitch! Can't she see all of her kids care about Max? That _I_ care about Max? Max has had a hard life! And, yet Mom doesn't even take to consider what Max had to go through before she made a judgement about her! She should at least try to put herself in Max's shoes! For fifteen years Max was abused in someway! That's more then half of her life! That poor little girl, crying because her dad hits her, her mom is gone, no one cares about her or loves her, and all you have is your stuffed dog Rodger!

I've seen the way Max acts about Rodger. She loves that stuffed dog to death.

I turned and punch the wall so hard it broke the dry wall, leaving a hole the size of my fist.

It wasn't until ten minutes later that I realized my hand was bleeding.

* * *

Iggy and I were the first ones at the party. Iggy knew something was up with Mom and I, but I wasn't saying anything. I didn't want to take about right now.

Nudge came racing down the stairs, wearing a blue thigh length dress. A big smile planted on her faces.

"Hi!" She greeted greeting us. "Max!" She called up the stairs.

"What?" She called back down.

"Get down here! People are starting to show up!"

I heard Max walk to the stairs. She walked down the stairs to us and I had to bite my cheek to keep from gasping. Holy shit... She's beautiful in a pony tail and sweat pants... But now she's all dressed and made up and she looked so fucking, incredibly, beautiful.

"You both look great." I said before I could stop myself.

Nudge giggle and Max said, "Thanks."

We heard the doorbell ring.

"Party!" Nudge shouted and laughed running to the door.

* * *

**Max's POV. **

About an hour later, all the guests had arrived. Most people were dancing in the middle of the living room. Earlier that day Nudge and I had pushed all the furniture to the walls so they wouldn't get in people's way.

I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I couldn't dance and I didn't have anyone to dance with. Nudge was dancing with a guy so I couldn't hang out with her. I couldn't find Ella, Iggy was making out with some girl on the couch shoved against the wall. And I couldn't find Fang either.

So, I was hanging out by the snack table, making sure none of the bowls were empty.

"Do you want to dance?" I heard someone shout over the music.

I turned around; facing Fang.

"Uh, okay," I said smiling. Fang grabbed my hand, leading me to the dance floor. We had just stepped onto the floor when a slow song came on and everyone grabbed people to dance with.

Fang slowly wrapped his arms around my waist just as the first line of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls started playing. How ironic, I thought. As soon as we touched the dance floor, a slow song comes on.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you _  
_Cause I know that you feel me somehow _  
_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be _  
_And I don't want to go home right now_

"I can't dance very well," I yelled to Fang over the music, as we turned in slow circles. I smiled.

"I can't either." Fang replied smiling back at me.

_-Taste is this moment _  
_And all I can breathe is your life _  
_Cause sooner or later it's over _  
_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me _  
_Cause I don't think that they'd understand _  
_When every thing's made to be broken _  
_I just want you to know who I am _

Fang and I stared into each others eyes. I felt as if the song was... Kind of speaking to us. To Fang and I.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming _  
_Or the moment of truth in your lies _  
_When everything feels like the movies _  
_Yeah you bleed just to know your alive _

I quickly broke Fang's gaze and bit my lip at the last verse.

_And I don't want the world to see me _  
_Cause I don't think that they'd understand _  
_When every thing's made to be broken _  
_I just want you to know who I am_

I slowly looked up and met Fang's gaze again. He looked puzzled as to why I broke our eye contact earlier.

_I don't want the world to see me _  
_Cause I don't think that they'd understand _  
_When every thing's made to be broken _  
_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am _  
_I just want you to know who I am _  
_I just want you to know who I am _  
_I just want you to know who I am_

_

* * *

_

At four AM I bolted up straight in my bed. I thought I may not dream tonight. I guess I was wrong. I hadn't had one in four nights, but for some reason I had one tonight.

The dream and memories consumed my sense. The thoughts rushed and blurred together. It was back. Tears fell, and I sobbed. I hated him! He's insane! Why would he do that? How could he do that! Didn't he have a heart! A soul?

I stood up and walked stiffly to the bathroom and locked the door. I sat down and sliced the blade across my left wrist. I sighed at the rush and feelings. The thoughts slowed. And all I could think about was the blood. _You bleed just to know you're alive._

**Review?**


	6. Chapter 6 Don't Be Late!

**Chapter 6**

**Don't be late!**

I shot up in bed when I heard a beeping. The fire alarm? It took me a few seconds to work through the sleepy haze to realize it was my alarm clock. I reached over and turned it off.

Right.

It was six in the morning on a Monday; first day of school... Um, yay? I don't know, it's too early.

I got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom.

"Oh. Im. Gee! It's the first day of school! Aren't you excited? I am! New year, new clothes... New boys! The homework sucks, but school is still fun!"

I smiled a little. I loved Nudge's optimistic she could always find the bright side of things.

"Yeah, I just wish it started later in the day. Like at nine, not seven twenty."

Nudge shrugged, "If it started later then it would end later in the day, too."

"True," I said.

I got ready for school, and walked down stairs to find Gazzy laying on the couch, his head hanging off the edge and his feet resting against the the upper cushion of the couch.

"Are you excited for school?" I asked; sitting down next to him.

"No. School is boring."

"This year might be better."

"Maybe." He said with a shrug which was a little funny, considering the position he was laying in.

Out of know where I heard a _click_ and saw a flash.

Ben pulled back his digital camera and smiled at the picture.

"Thanks," He called over his shoulder as he climbed the stairs and walked into the bathroom to take Nudge's picture. A couple seconds later I heard Nudge scream and shout, "You better delete that picture!"

I laughed a little at her reaction.

* * *

Ten minutes later someone dang the doorbell. "I've got it," I called as I walked to the door. I looked out through the peak- hole. It was Fang, Iggy, and Angel. I opened the door.

"Hi," I said, doing a goofy little wave.

"Hi Max!" Angel ran forward and gave me a hug. "Are ready for school?"

"I guess so, are you?"

"Yes! I got the one of the funniest teachers! Everyone on campus loves her! And my friend, Emmy, she's in the same class as me!" Angel had a huge grin on.

"Oh, that's awesome!"

Angel nodded excitedly and ran into the living room and jumped onto the couch next to Gazzy.

"She's a little excited." Iggy said as he and Fang stepped into the house.

"I see that," I said smiling.

Nudge came flying down stairs, "We have to go! Were going to be late! It's seven ten!"

"Oh crap!" Iggy shouted looking at his watch.

"We'll never find a parking spot!" Fang sighed.

"Bye guys!" I called to Gazzy, Angel, and Ben. Cheyenne had already left for work.

"Bye have a good day at school!" Ben called to us as we raced out the door and into the car.

* * *

Nudge and I sat down next to each other, with two minutes to spare until the finall bell rang. We were in our first hour class, biology.

I let out a breath that I seemed to be holding.

"That was close." Nudge said.

"Totally." I shook my head, "Lets not have this happen tomorrow."

Nudge nodded, "I vote for that. But it was Gazzy's fault, he messed with the clocks."

"Good morning class, and welcome to your first day of school. I am your biology teacher, Mrs. Fergus. To start with, we'll be going over the biology syllabus."

The rest of the hour zipped by as Mrs. Fergus told us the rules, what she was expecting of us, what to do if we were absent, and all. At the end of class Nudge and I said goodbye then, went to our second hour.

I walked across campus to theatre class.

The teacher was standing outside the door.

"What's your name sweetie?" She asked.

"Maximum Preston," I said.

"Your seat number thirty four."

"Okay, thank you." I walked into the class. Most of the seats were filled with students. And of course since it's the first day of school, everyone stares at each other, trying to memorize faces and names, who to avoid who not to, who to hit on and such. So all faces were turned towards me. I looked down, not meeting anyone's eyes as I looked around for my seat.

I finally found it, it was on the opposite side of the classroom. My table sat two and the other chair was empty. I sat down and had a chance to look around for Fang. I didn't see him.

More students filed in and sat down. But no Fang. Then, with thirty seconds to spare Fang ran up to the teacher.

"Name please?" She asked.

"Nickolas Wilson."

"Seat thirty five."

I turned to look at the seat next to me. On the back, upper, left corner it said thirty five.

"Fang!" I hissed in a whisper, but it was loud enough for pretty much the whole class to hear.

His eyes met mine and I nodded to the chair next to me. A confused expression crossed his face, then realization as to what I meant.

He walked over and sat down next to me.

"Hello class! I'm Mrs. Nardon, how are you all?"

We all replied with "Good" On varied levels of enthusiasm.

She talked to us about her class and what was gong to happen over the year, then with twenty minutes 'til the bell we played a "Get to Know You" game.

"Okay, were going to make a line going this way," Mrs. Nardon waved her hand to the left, "And one person will come up at a time. The first person will come up, say something about themselves like, "My favorite color is yellow." Then only one other person who likes yellow will stand up and join the line and say something about themselves. And it'll repeat. Any questions?"

No one raised there hands.

"Okay, can Julie go first please?"

A girl with black hair and brown eyes stood up."Um, I like... football?" She said with a shrug.

A boy stood and walked beside her. "I like to breathe." He said, causing snickers through out the class.

A chuckling boy got up next to him and so on.

Fifteen minutes later there were only five people still sitting, fang, a boy, two girls, and I.

"I like dogs," Said a girl. Seeing as no one was going to stand up, I stood up and went next to her.

Now here was the hard part. What to say? You could say something that would either apply to everyone or something that could make people feel forced to stand like, I like theatre class, but you'd sound like a suck up. And you don't want to repeat what people have already said, so no colors or animals. Then out of no where I had an idea.

"I like to read," I said with a shrug.

Thank god Fang got up and stood beside me.

"I like music," Fang said simply. No clueless silence.

And three minutes later, we had our line complete just as the bell rang.

"Very good class! See you all tomorrow!" Said Mrs. Nardon.

Third and fourth hour flew by. It was all pretty much the same thing, going over the syllabus. That was it.

In gym we had to change out. Which was weird considering that usually the first day of gym you get your locker and that's all. But apparently that wasn't the what was going on today. I went into one of the bathroom stalls and dressed out. I couldn't change in front of everyone, I did one year and didn't again because they had always stared at the scars covering my body.

After we were dressed out, the Gym teacher led us inside the gym.

"The reason you're dressed out today is because I want to see how well you all play, then I'm going to group you with other people who are on the same physical level as you," He barked, "The reason we're doing it to day, instead of tomorrow, is because I want to spend every day possible doing physical education! I'm Coach Smith and I'll be your gym teacher."

Five minutes later we were all sitting on a bench, watching a boy shoot basketballs. The coach was seeing how many balls everyone could throw in two minutes. We were taking turns, one at a time, so the coach could watch and make sure we didn't cheat. After the kid finished, the coach called another person then another.

And next thing I knew, it was my turn.

I grabbed a basketball and looked at the net. Well, here goes nothing.

**Fang's POV.**

I could not take my eyes off of here. Okay go ahead and call me a pervert for this but I couldn't stop staring. I wish the two minutes would have been longer. I watched as she shot a ball into the hoop. Was she wearing a sports bra? I doubt she was wearing a bra at all, for how much she bounced when she threw the ball. I shook my head. Stop it, I told myself.

I glanced around and noticed another guy staring at her. I felt my eyes narrow. I didn't like this, I didn't like that he was staring at her. I knew I was being a hypocrite but how could he just stare at her like that? He didn't even know Max! I knew Max! But he was just staring at her like she was a piece of meat! I know what was going through his head, a one nightstand fantasy! If I was lucky enough to have Max be my girlfriend, I'd treat her like a lady. Like she deserves to be treated...

I instantly felt guilty and like a horrible jerk for staring at her chest.

**Max's POV.**

The rest of the day came and went. We were in Fang's car headed home before I knew it.

"Well, school was fun," Nudge said sarcastically.

"What happened?"

"All my teachers either don't know how to teach, have a major bee up their butt, or are clueless. Then I hardly have any classes with friends. Some kid in my math class thinks he's the 'Life of the Party' but he's just annoying and weird." She sighed and shook her head.

I patted her hand, "But it's only the first day of school Nudge, things will get better. You'll make friends, and the teachers are nervous too, they might act differently tomorrow." I pointed out.

"That's true, I guess." Nudge sighed and lay her head on my shoulder.

"Well," Iggy said enthusiastically, "My day was great!"

Nudge kicked the back of his seat.


	7. Chapter 7 Let Me Help You

**Chapter 7**

**Let Me Help You**

The rest of the week was fairly easy. A few worksheets here, a few notes there. But besides that, everyone had made it safely through the first week of school. I have six classes each day and three of them are with Fang and two with Nudge. I just hang out with them, I tried my best to avoid people. In the one class that I have neither Nudge or Fang, I just sit in my desk and keep to myself. No one has tired to talk to me either.

But Nudge, on the other hand, was making ten friends each day, it seemed. After the first day she started talking to everyone in her classes and became friends with almost everyone. I didn't follow Nudge around the classroom when she went to talk to people. I preferred to sit in my desk and not talk to strangers, but every time Nudge was moving seats, she'd invite me to come along with her, which I thought was kindly of her, but each time she offered, I denied.

Fang was like me, he didn't try to make friends with everyone in the classroom, didn't care what they thought of him. We just hung out together with each other, and it seems we were becoming good friends. Every class we had together was spent passing notes back and froth, and talking every chance we had. Now, that I look back on the week, most of the things we talked about were nonsense but at the time it seemed interesting.

I walked down the stairs to find Gazzy and three of his friends lounging on the couches, watching TV.

"Hey guys," I called a greeting as I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey." They all called back.

I sighed blissfully as I saw the opened window revealing the fading sunset. They were so bright and pretty. Today's Friday, I thought to myself, the week's over!

"Max," Cheyenne said from the sink, "how does pizza sound for dinner?"

"It sounds great to me," I said leaning on the counter,"but whatever's for dinner will be great."

I was extremely appreciative of this family, for everything they've done for me, taught me, showed me, loved me. I was a little bit shocked for a second, I had been here for a month and a half and I was ready to willingly take a bullet for anyone of them. I've heard that expression before; never thought I'd say it though.

Cheyenne smiled, "Pizza it is, than. Isn't the sunset so beautiful tonight? I just had to open the window to get a better view of it."

"It's gorgeous. Sunsets are always very pretty." I agreed.

The Gasman walked into the kitchen as Cheyenne and I stared longingly out the window.

"So, what's for dinner? And can the guys stay?" He wondered.

"Pizza and if it's okay with their parents."

"Okay, cool. Thanks." Gazzy turned on his heel and walked back into the living room.

After I glanced once more time out the window, I turned around and went upstairs; into Nudge's room, knocking on her door first.

"Come in!" Nudge yelled.

I walked in to see her sitting on her bed, painting her toe nails, music blaring from her docked iPod.

I flopped down onto her bed, making it bounce.

"Thank god it's Friday," Nudge said, curling her fingers and bring them to her mouth then, blowing on the polish to help it dry.

"I know," I agreed nodding my head and smiling.

"So, guess what?" She looked up from her nails and met my eyes.

"What?"

"Josh asked me out today."

"Oh my gosh! He didn't! What'd you say? I mean, this is the same guy that you used to be good friends with, then he started doing drugs and stuff, right?"

"Yes, he said that he's been sober for four months, and I said I wasn't sure, I had to get to know the 'Knew Him'," She did air quotes with her fingers.

"Seriously? Do you believe he's been sober for four months? Or do you think it's a lie? And do you want to go out with him?"

"I believe him. And like I said, I'm not sure. He said he's changed, and a completely different guy, and he's extremely sorry for being an ass when he was high, and if I don't want to go out with him, he understands and hopes we can be friends."

"Well, like a thing to take into consideration, what if he gets back into drugs? Then what? And also you said he's an ass when he's high, so if you dated him and he got into drugs and was ass again?"

Nudge took a deep breath and shook her head, "I don't know, Max. There's so many things to consider, a bunch pros and cons, I'm so confused. I don't know."

She shook her head again and I rubbed her back.

From down stairs we heard Cheyenne shout, "PIZZA! COME AND GET IT!"

Nudge sat up straight, "Well, that's enough to brighten anyone's day," She said standing up, then helping me up.

* * *

_I walked in the front door, flipping on a light to brighten up the living room, trying unsuccessfully to make it not seem as much as a ghost house as it already did. It was messy, blankets spread on the floor, newspapers thrown to the floor and falling off the edge of the couch, a pile of his dirty laundry, and empty beer bottles scattered through out the room. I went into the kitchen and set my back pack down on the fold up kitchen table. I opened the fridge, skimming around for something to eat. _

_I grabbed a cold slice of pizza, left over from two nights ago, picked up my backpack, and walked into my room. Wishing the door had a lock. My room wasn't messy, but empty and had a haunting eerie feeling going on. Like, know matter what, you'd never be safe. Not a single day in your life._

_An hour later, I was still in the same position trying to work through my math without worrying._

_I heard the front door bang open, and someone stomp in._

_"MAX! Get your ass in here!"_

_I stood up and walked into the living room, feeling like a small puppy with her tail tucked between her legs. _

_"Yes sir?" I asked in quite voice that didn't sound like my own, and kept my eyes on the floor._

_"Get this shit picked up! I thought I told you yesterday to clean it up before I got home!"_

_I didn't answer and bent down to start picking up newspapers._

_"Answer me, bitch!" He shouted glaring at me._

_"No, sir. I don't think you did."_

_"You don't think? Ha! That's true, if you had half a brain and thought a real thought, for once in your life, you'd remember me telling you to pick up!"_

_I nodded. "Sorry."_

_He rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen._

_I sighed, relived nothing more had happened._

_After I cleaned the living room, making it look the slightest bit more presentable; I tried to walk as quietly as possible as I passed the kitchen, hoping to get back safely to my bedroom._

_"Max," I heard him call, as I walked by the kitchen entrance._

_I swallowed and tried not to shiver. I knew that voice. He would say my name slowly, dragging out the letters. Making it sound like a hum of some sort._

_I walked slowly into the kitchen, wanting more than anything to run out the front door and run away, never coming back. One reason I didn't run though. He would catch me. I tried before, and even though he was chubby and had a beer belly, he caught me as I sprinted for the front door. That was the most and hardest he'd ever beat me, hitting me 'til all I saw was black. Then the beating continued on for days, whenever he'd remember it, I'd get hit. I recalled the memory and couldn't stop the goosebumps from raising._

_"Y-yes?" I stuttered._

_He stepped forward, a big dumb grin planted on his face as he stood up and walked to me, one arm snaking around my waist. His grin grew bigger, showing his teeth as he took his other arm and..._

**_Be strong Max!_**

_I bit my lip, as he grabbed my breast and squeezed, hard. _

**_Keep strong Max! No pain no gain!_**

_I can't! I'm going to scream! Shout for help!_

**_No, he won't hurt you the rest of the night if you do what he wants you to do! He won't beat you! Just do what he wants and get over with as soon as possible!_**

_Help! I need help! Somebody!_

**_No Max! You're strong! He won't beat you if you do what he wants!_**

_I need help! I'm only fifteen! I can't go on like this! Help! Please! He's- He's touching me!_

_I heard my dad groan and I felt tears well up._

_Help! I- I - please help!_

**_Stay strong!_**

_Anyone! Someone!_

I shot up straight in my bed, panting, tears falling down my face.

* * *

The next day, around afternoon time, I was lying on my belly again, reading a book as my stereo played songs I had burned to a CD.

I listened to a song that was playing, loving the lyrics, so plain and simple.

There was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I called.

Fang walked in, smiling uncharacteristically.

"Hey," He said sitting on the bed by my waist. "Whatcha reading?" He leaned closer to look at the page I was on.

"Nothing," I said, smiling back and snapped the book shut so he couldn't read it.

"What? I'm not allowed to see the book?"

"Nope, not allowed." I held it out further at full arms length so he couldn't grab it.

"Max?" Fang asked, a strange expression crossed his face as the song changed and Tell Me, by Failed Flight started to play. "What are these?" He gently grabbed my left arm and turned the under side up, showing my cutting scars, and the two freshly new cuts, just as the first line belted out.

_"Come sit down, there's plenty of room," _I yanked my arm back, and sat up, then cradled my arm against my chest.  
_"There's room for you right here_  
_Next to me, here by my side," _We just stared at each other. Fang looked shocked and confused, not knowing what the scars were from, me or my dad and what about the new ones, or what to do, what to say.  
_"There's nothing that you should hide_  
_From a friend or is there?"_ Fang's eyes grew big with realization as he put two and two together. Sadness mix with anger and worry was his expression.  
_"You just look at me, Don't smile just stare_  
_Too hard, too long_  
_Now I know, I know that something's wrong..._  
_With you_  
_We can talk it out, we can figure out_  
_What's going on inside_  
_What are you running from?_  
_What do you have to hide?_

_Tell me what's on your mind_  
_What you feel, what do you believe_  
_What is inside you that makes you scream?" _We stared at each other, Fang shocked, and I felt anger welling up in my chest.

"Max," Fang was was quite and a bit shaky, almost scared like. "What did you do?"

_"There's something I need to say before you walk away_  
_Just hold on, wait, hear me out_  
_Can you hear me when I shout_  
_That whatever's wrong we can work it out_  
_Just look inside, you can do without_  
_Take it from me you can't live this way," _I looked down and couldn't meet Fang's eyes I kept them down on my bed and bit my lip.

"Max, d-do you... do you cut yourself?"

_"Tell me what's on your mind_  
_What you feel, what do you believe_  
_What is inside you that makes you scream?" _How did this happen? One minute we were happy! And now, _this._

_"What is running through your mind_  
_While you're hiding all the time?_  
_If you turn around 'cause you think you've found_  
_Truth inside yourself_  
_Then you lose your way but you try again_  
_For something else_

_Tell me what's on your mind_  
_What do you believe_  
_What is, what is inside you_  
_That makes you scream?_  
_And it's real what you're feeling inside_  
_Just thought that you should know_  
_This time when you walk away_  
_You'll know where to go."_

"Do you, Max?" I slowly looked up from the blankets, Fang was staring into my eyes, he glanced down at my left arm, then back up to my eyes.

I bit my lip, not sure what to do or say. What could I say? He knew I cut whether I say it or not, he knows. Would he tell anyone? He doesn't even know why I cut... Like I would tell him, though. Too personal. Would he be mad at me, though? Judge me? Stop being my friend?

I took a deep breath trying to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. I bit my lip harder.

"Do you cut yourself, Max?" Fang demanded, ordering.

Him ordering me, broke out of the trans-like state I was in.

"Fine, Fang! Yes, I cut! I don't what else to do! How to deal with it! If you were in the same situation as me, you'd do the same! You don't know what it's like! Grasping at straws, hanging on by a hair! I-I don't know what else to do... I hate this! I wasn't hurting anyone, it was no one else's business but mine. And It's a lot harder then I let on, and this is how I deal with it! I don't want talk to anyone about it, it's my problem, I'm strong, I can _handle_ it. It has nothing at all to do with _you,_ but now you know!"

It was quite for a long while. After what seemed like hours, Fang slowly reached out, as if I were a scared animal, and slowly wiped my cheek hitting a patch of coolness. It wasn't until than that I realized I had tears streaking down my cheeks. I pulled back.

"Why do you cut, Max?" His voice was quite.

I looked down at my arm; it was pressed against my chest. I shook my head.

"Why won't you tell me?" I know he knows why I cut, but I think he wants to hear me say it, some how making it more real.

"It's not your business." I keep my eyes on the bed.

"Let me help you," it wasn't a question. "When you need someone, talk to me... instead of hurting yourself." He slowly reached out, took my left arm in his hand, and turned the under side up. I let him.

After a minute, I shook my head sadly, and gently pulled my arm back.

"Please, Max. You need help, you can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not good for you, at all. And you've already been through a lot, you shouldn't have to add this onto that list, Max. I don't want to tell anyone, but if you don't stop, I while." He voice was calm and comforting the whole time.

"I said, it's none of your business." I stood up and was about to run for the bathroom, when Fang grabbed my arm. Squeezing it and pulling me onto the bed. I gasped and froze. He wasn't your dad. He's not going to do what your dad did.

Realization crossed Fang's face as he realized his actions. "Max... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... but you can't just leave, Max, you need help!"

"I don't need help."

"Max! Please, stop this. Because if you don't, I'm going to make you stop." He voice was serious and as I glanced up at his eyes, they were too.

After neither of said anything for a while, Fang said, "Let me help you."

I was quite, quite for so long Fang probably thought I wasn't going to answer, when I finally said, "Fine."

**Review please?**


	8. Chapter 8 Alone

**Chapter 8**

**Alone**

The first time for everything is hard. First time you break a bone, first time you loose a tooth, first time you get grounded. As I look back on last night, it was extremely hard to just sit there and deal with the pain, let the thoughts run their course, going through the motions, dealing with the past, instead of cutting myself.

Fang didn't leave our house at all that weekend. On Saturday, the day he found out that I cut, he had follow me all over the house as if I was going to walk into the game room and start cutting myself with a Wii mote control. And when I had to go to the bathroom, he'd say I had three minutes otherwise he would walk in. I made sure I locked the door. Then Saturday night, Iggy and Fang had a sleepover with Gazzy. But again, Fang followed me around, which by then, was beginning to bug me. When I went to bed, I was a little surprised he didn't drag his sleeping bag into my bedroom.

I didn't dream that night, just slept numbly in a blanket of darkness.

All Sunday, everyone hung out at our house, Angel, Iggy, and of course, Fang. We didn't really do anything beside watch TV and play the Wii. Fang gave me a little breathing room, and let me go to the kitchen by myself, and kind of eased off following me around. Realizing I wasn't going to cut for now, especially not in front of him.

During school I made distance between Fang and I. Not talking to him as much, answering questions with a nod of the head. And the whole week I caught him -more than once- looking at my left arm to see if there were any new cuts. On Friday, when he did his pretend- to- be- reading- his- notebook- but- really- looking- at- my- arm- thing- he saw two, fresh, new, cuts.

I earned a stare, then shake of the head, then another look saying "We'll talk."

It was a Friday night again, and the second week of school was over.

Nudge and I were sitting on the couch, watching some show on MTV.

"Who is that girl?" I asked.

"Snookie." Nudge answered.

"She's kind of mean isn't she?"

"Very much so."

"It's funny though. How they act."

Nudge smiled and nodded. "Most episodes are hilarious," She sat up, bumping the bowl of popcorn sitting next to her, then caught it before it tipped over. "That was close."

"Okay girls," Ben walked into the family room, setting his suit cases on the floor. "I've got to go. But I love you both and I'll see you Tuesday."

Nudge and I stood up and gave Ben hugs and said goodbye to him.

"Have a same trip! Have fun in the meetings!" Nudge said smiling.

"I'll try to."

"Bye, Ben see you Tuesday!"

"Bye, Max." Ben pecked my head, then Nudge's.

"Bye, Cheyenne! Bye, Zephry!"

Cheyenne came running down the stairs, looking flustered.

"Bye sweetie." She said, pulling Ben into a hug and kissing his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, Chey, I'll see you Tuesday."

Gazzy walked out of the game room and walked over to us.

"Bye, Dad."

"Bye, Zephry. Behave for your mother." Ben and Gazzy gave each other a one armed hug.

"I'll see you all Tuesday!" Ben called walking out the door.

"Bye!" We all called. Ben closed the door, it made a ''clicking' sound as he locked the door.

"I'll be in my room if you need anything guys." Cheyenne said walking up the stairs.

Nudge and I called, "Okay." And sat back down on the couches.

"That sucks. Dad has to go to lame ass meetings."

I nodded, "He was saying he didn't like them. Like, at all."

Nudge nodded and we went back to watching the show.

When a commercial came on, Nudge said, "Want to come over to Ella's tonight? We're planning on having a sleepover. A few other girls are coming, though, also."

Nudge had learned about my 'meeting new people issue', and she had completely understood. She still invited me to go places with her, but she'd always say who was going, and if I denied she wouldn't push me. Nudge was extremely caring and helpful, she could also very easily put herself in other people's shoes and get all point of views of a person's story.

"Actually, I think I might stay here tonight. I have to study for a math test."

"Okay that's fine. I hope you do well on your test."

I smiled and nodded. "Thanks."

Nudge stood up. "I'm going to go get ready."

"Okay."

Nudge went upstairs at the same time Gazzy left the game room and sat next to me on the couch.

"Fang and Iggy are coming over and spending the night." He told me.

"Oh, awesome." I said. But secretly wishing they weren't coming over.

Fang and I used to get along great! But then he found out about me cutting! He didn't pretend like he didn't see the scars, didn't look the other way. Nope, he went and stuck his nose were it doesn't belong. Now we can't even talk. It's none of his business and has nothing to do with him. I wasn't hurting anyone and I don't see why he cares. It was just cutting! Anyway why would he care about me? It's not like anyone does! I can take care of myself!

"Okay," I said standing up and shaking my head tiredly, "I''m going to go take a shower."

* * *

So two hours later, Iggy, Gazzy, Fang, and I were sprawled out in the dark family room, watching a movie and eating M & M's.

"This movie sucks,"Gazzy sighed.

"I don't know what you're taking about. That blond chick is totally hot." Iggy said.

"So is your mom," Gazzy said, snickering.

Fang shuddered. "Dude, that's nasty."

Gazzy snickered again.

I agreed with Gazzy, though, this movie was extremely slow paced.

I sighed and rolled over onto my side.

* * *

_Like every night, I sat at the kitchen table doing my homework, trying to work out complicated long division problems. I didn't understand them and it would take me hours to finish a worksheet._

_My dad walked in glaring at me. He went over to the fridge and open the door, scanning over the consists inside._

_He sighed when he found nothing to eat and slammed the fridge door shut._

_"Did you eat the last slice of pizza?" He demanded._

_"No. You ate it last night."_

_He rolled his eyes. "Fucking bitch, maybe if you didn't waste my money we would be able to afford something good to eat!"_

_I didn't know what to do, how to make it better. All I knew was I got blamed for everything, a bad day at work, a messy house (when he made it messy), no pay raise. I wasn't sure why he did the things he does to me. Why he hit me, when I tried my best to avoid it._

_"I'm sorry." I said looking at his feet._

_He grumbled something and walked over to where I was sitting. He glared down at me. At first, I thought he was going to hit me, push me out of the chair, maybe. But, I sensed something in the air. Not an actual sent but a feeling, one I never felt before. He kept looking down at me, then a slow smile spread across his face and he licked his lips._

_What's he doing? I thought, this isn't how he acts. From that point I knew something was going to happen. Something horrible._

_"Dad what-" That was all I got out before he slapped a hand over my mouth and dragged me to his bedroom. Me kicking and trying to scream the whole way there._

_Three hours later, I lay in my bed, silent tears rolling off my cheeks. I didn't know what that was, what had happened, or why he did it. All I knew was it hurt. A lot. I also knew what he did had seemed to cause him a great deal of pleasure. I shudder, it made me feel sick and dirty and demented to think something he had forced me to do had caused him that pleasure. My silent tears turned into sobs._

_Mom! Mom! I thought you said you would keep me safe, watch out for me. If you were watching over me, you wouldn't have let him hurt me_.

* * *

I literally jumped into a standing position. I felt sweat on my forehead and shudders racked my body as tears fell.

I realized I had fallen asleep in the living room with the others, they were sprawled out on the floor. I drew in a deep breath and sat back down. That had been the first time my dad had raped me. I had only been ten years old.

I remembered everything about that night, it was fried into my brain. The fell of my dad's fingers brushing my naked skin, how I didn't know what was going on or what he was doing. I remembered what he had forced me to do to him, how to touch him.

I shuddered again and more tears fell. I had felt so filthy, I scrubbed my bruised skin in the shower for days. It had been so extraordinarily painful! All the blood! He had done everything so hard it had left marks!

I pulled my knees up to my chest and began to rock. I wanted all of this to stop! Why couldn't I just forget? I try to let go of the past and memories, but they keep coming back! Finding me and haunting me. The pain, and anger, and sadness, and hatred welled up in my chest and I sobbed. How could he do that?

I- I need this to stop! I needed to forget! I stood up and stiffly walked into my room then fell to my knees in front of my night stand. I grabbed my blade and it flashed in the moonlight light streaming in through the window.

I was about to stand up when someone grabbed my wrist, making me drop the blade in shock.

"What the hell are you doing?" Fang yelled in a whisper.

**Any thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9 Scream

**Chapter 9**

**Scream**

**Fang's POV**

I sat up straight. I heard someone walking up the stairs and then a floor board creak, a robber? I glanced around; I saw Iggy and Gazzy laying next to me, asleep on the floor. I looked up to where Max was supposed to be on the couch. She wasn't there.

She must have been the one going up the stairs. A thought hit me: why was she going upstairs? There's a bathroom downstairs, maybe she wanted to go sleep in her bed? Still, I wanted to check just to be sure.

I pushed myself off the floor and silently walked upstairs. I hope she's just going to bed... I caught a glimpse of Max's back as she retreated into her bedroom, I walked down the hall to her bedroom door, I was about to say, "Max?" when I saw something catch the moonlight and it flashed. What was it?

_A blade. _I swiftly and quietly ran over to her. I grabbed her wrist, she dropped a blade. My stomach sank even more as my theory was confirmed.

"What the hell are you doing!" I whispered.

She gasped and froze, not moving for seconds. Then, turned her head to look at me. Her beautiful face was streaked with tears making wet stains on her cheeks, her brown eyes swollen and red rimmed. They were also very wide and I saw fear in them.

She pulled back as if I might slap her. I heard whisper almost illegibly, "Please, don't..."

"Max," I said, slowly reaching forward. More tears streaked down her face. I slowly brushed down her arm, trying to calm her. Her muscles were tense and stiff.

She seemed to break out of the trance. She met my eyes and tried to pull away.

"Max," I said. "It's okay." I wasn't exactly sure what to say, I have never been in this position before. But I was trying to calm her down. People say talking helps, maybe if I could get her to talk to me about it, it might help?

She shook her head. "Go away." She whispered, her body was shaking.

"Come here," I gently tugged her into my lap, she kept trying to pull away, but wasn't able to. I slowly stroked her back. She stiffened even more.

"Let me go," She wispered, sternly.

"No." I said gently, rubbing slow circles on her back.

"I'll scream."

**Max's POV**

I heard myself say, "I'll scream."

_I'll scream. _I had only said that statement once before. I don't know what happened, what Fang said. I watched as my bedroom transferred into my old bedroom. My dad was trying to force me to do something, something horrible, and demented, and beyond imaginable. Too horrific to say.

"No," I whispered.

"What did you say?" My dad demanded staring me down.

"No."

"You don't say no to me, bitch!" He reached and slapped my face so hard I stumbled backward. I looked up at him, his face set in a sneer.

"Now, what was that?" My dad raised his hand, a threat.

"I said no." I don't know where this knew- found- courage came from, but I wasn't going to back down.

He grabbed me and forced me onto the bed. Me fighting against him the whole time.

"I'll scream." I warned, in a icy voice.

He struggled to keep me pinned down and cover my mouth at the same time. I won. I bit his hand so hard I tasted blood.

"Fuck!" He shouted pulling his hand.

And I screamed, the loudest I have ever screamed in my life. Hoping someone would hear my ear piercing plea for help.

Five minutes later the cops showed up. That was the last time my dad had touched me.

I was back in my old room. Sobbing into Fang's shoulder as he rocked us back and forth. I was shivering and crying uncontrollably.

Whispered and breathey words were falling from my lips, I described the first time my dad had raped me in vivid detail. I tried to stop, stop crying, talking, stop everything! But I couldn't they kept coming and wouldn't stop. I wanted to scream, to cut! I wanted it to stop.

The first time I got raped turn into the second, then, third. I sobbed again as Fang held me tight, curled against his chest.

**Fang's POV**

I held her and rocked her.

"How could he do that?" She sobbed into my chest.

I ran my fingers through her hair. "I don't know, Max. I don't know." I rested my cheek on her head trying to make her fee safe, protected. "He's a horrible and insane man. He shouldn't have done what he did. No one should _ever_ touch their daughter like that."

She was quite for a long time. Her sobs turned into shuddered breaths. Her breaths turned into silents and she stayed curled up against my chest. After about ten minutes, she pulled back, wiping her nose and tears on her hand.

"Sorry." She whispered, her voice sounded rough.

_Sorry?_ She was sorry? Why was she sorry? How could she be sorry? She had nothing to be sorry for!

"Why are you sorry?"

She shrugged a little, looking ashamed. "For crying."

I pulled her back into my arms. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

We were quite, not saying anything.

The next thing I knew it was morning and Iggy was gently shaking my shoulder. I look at him and he mouthed, "Come here!"

I slowly untangled myself from Max's arms and legs, trying not to wake her up.

I went out into the hallway.

"You did! You slept with Max!"

"No."

"Then what were you doing in her bed?"

"She was upset and I was talking with her and we fell asleep."

"If you say so."

I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously, did you?"

"No." I repeated.

Iggy smirked, "So, not as good with the ladies as you used to be."

I rolled my eyes, "Iggy shut up."

"Think you're going to make it with Max?"

I punched Iggy's am. "Don't say things like that about her. Like she's some fucking one night stand, like she's a sex toy." I growled at him.

"Whoa," Iggy put his hands up in a 'calm down' gesture, "Sorry man."

"Whatever." I muttered walking down stairs.

**What do you think?**


	10. Chapter 10 Happy Birthday!

**Chapter 10**

**Happy Birthday!**

**Hey, I'm sorry if you didn't like the last chapter, I needed a little transition between this chapter and the chapter Scream. Hope you like this one better!**

* * *

"Happy birthday to yoouu," Cheyenne, Ben, Nudge, Gazzy, Mrs. and Mr. Wilson, Fang, Iggy, and I, chorused, crowded around the Wilson's dark brown wooden table, singing the last verse of Angel's birthday song.

Her blond curls hung around her face, she was also shinning a bright smile. Her long skinny arms were stretched out and clasped together on top of the table.

Mrs. Wilson flashed her picture, then said, "Okay! You can blow out your candles, now!"

Angle did so, and smoke poured from the rainbow colored candle's wicks. Angel giggled happily.

"Happy birthday!" Gazzy exclaimed, smiling.

"Cake or presents first?" Mr. Wilson wondered.

"Presents," Mrs. Wilson said with a nod, setting down her camera. She brought over a few wrapped boxes. Printed on the wrapping paper were monkeys wearing boxers and party hats and also doing the conga line.

Angel opened her gifts, ranging from make up, to a new soccer ball, to iTunes gift cards, video games, and a few new tubes of paints. Each present was opened with a squeal of excitement and a, "Thank you!"

"I'm finally eleven!" Angel beamed.

"And one more year left of elementary school," Cheyenne added, making Angel's smile grow bigger.

"Who wants cake and ice cream?" Mrs. Wilson questioned, bringing over the cake. Everyone replied with yes's.

After we ate, Angel, Iggy, and Gazzy went to the living room to watch a movie that they had been waiting all day for to come on. Fang and I hung back to help clean up the kitchen.

Cheyenne and Ben were talking to Fang's parents. I was helping Fang clear off the table and wipe it down.

"Do you want me to sweep the floor also?" I offered looking up at Fang and he glanced down at me.

"If you _want _to sweep the floor," He said with a smirk, attempting to mock me.

I smiled and shook my head then grabbed the broom.

I swept the floor by the fridge and under the counters. I went over to the table, where Fang was still cleaning up, and began sweeping there.

"You missed a spot," Fang smirked again.

"I was getting there," I muttered and stuck my tongue out at him.

"So mature."

"Do you want me to sweep your floor or not?" I demanded, pretending to be annoyed but smiled.

The smirk grew. "You said you _wanted _to sweep the floor."

I glared, trying to think of a good come back, "And I thought you were supposed to be cleaning the table." Okay, so not my best come back but oh well.

Fang went back to cleaning. I swept the floor some more and started to brush the pile of crumbs and objects into a pan when Fang said, "You missed a spot."

I grabbed a balled up receipt from my pan, looked up, and threw it at Fang, hitting him squarely in the head.

Now it was my turn to smirk.

Fang glared down at me, I was still crouched down on the floor, smirking.

I looked into his eyes, still smiling. His eyes were like liquid, they were also warm. A warm dark brown pair of eyes gazing down on me. And in that instant, I could image those eyes in any situation. How they wrinkle around the edges when he smiles, when he's mad, how they narrow, how they would have looked when he was little, how they'll look when he's older, when he's tired, how they droop. When they stare into my eyes and they soften. Those eyes. _His _eyes.

I felt something flutter in my stomach and my heart did an excited leap. I felt so safe looking into those eyes. Safety, comfort, promising eyes.

"Max? You okay?" Cheyenne asked.

I blushed, and my face felt hot. "Yeah fine. Um, excuse me," I said walking out of the kitchen to the bathroom to compose myself, hide the blush. I felt embarrassed, snagged some how.

As I walked down the hall, I was about to enter the bathroom when I heard Mrs. Wilson say in a hushed voice, "You're just like your father, Fang. You can never tell when a girl likes you." I could image her smiling and shaking her head.

I close and locked the door behind me.

When a girl likes him? What did she mean? Did she mean that I _liked _Fang? Impossible. We're just friends! I didn't like Fang. I couldn't like Fang. Could I? _Did _I like Fang? He was a nice guy, sweet, caring, _cute, _to die for eyes, a silent guy, someone who could always make me smile, I could talk with him for hours (which is sort of weird considering we both don't talk very much), he could make me feel safe, he seemed to always know the right thing to say, and he was strong for me, he was someone I could talk to. He was my rock.

I realized I had made that list with in two minutes. Another thing to add to that list, I liked how easy it was to say good stuff about him.

Did I like Fang?

I sighed and shook my head, I didn't know. I open the door and walked out of the bathroom.

* * *

"What did you say?" I demanded.

"I said... Yes." Nudge replied.

"Oh my gosh! You said yes! You're dating Josh Adams!"

"No! No. It's_ a date_. We're not date-ing."

"You're dating Josh!" I giggled.

"We're not dating!" Nudge glared but smiled.

**Any thoughts? Ideas? Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11 Mail Call!

**Chapter 11**

**Mail Call!**

"Which dress should I wear?" Nudge asked. She held a sky blue sundress up to her body, "This one is casual, not very showy, and it's tight." Then she held up a black dress. It had thin straps, a tight top, then flowed out to a skirt that hit just above her knee. "This one is more sophisticated, and also, a lot more showy."

It was Friday, two days after Angel's birthday. I was sitting on Nudge's bed, studying each dress carefully. "Well considering that you're going to a _four star _restaurant, for your first date, I'd say... the black one."

"That's what I was thinking, too." She slipped off her green tank top and jeans, then stepped into her dress.

"How are you going to do your hair?" I wondered.

Nudge pursed her lips, "I was thinking of curling it and pulling it into a half pony tail."

I raised my eyebrow, "Half pony tail?"

"Yeah, you know, like taking the top layer of hair and putting it in a pony tail. Then leaving the bottom layer down."

"Oh! That would look really cute! Are you wearing any jewelry?"

"Yeah, I'm going to wear these black ear rings and a necklace." She nodded to her dresser. I went over and looked, on top of her dresser, there was a pair of black and shiny diamond shaped, dangling ear rings, attached to a thin silver chain. They were super pretty! The necklace had a short silver chain that went around your neck, then at the front it had strings of black little balls. The first string only had one ball, the next two balls, then three, then four, five and stopped at the sixth string with six balls. Then the seventh string had five balls, then four, then three, and so on.

I gasped. "Nudge! These are gorgeous! You're going to look so pretty tonight."

She smiled. "I hope so. I'm more worried about how the date will go, though."

"What do you mean? I thought you guys were pretty close."

"We were," She frowned. "It's like, we're friends and we've gone to restaurants - as friends. But then he got all crazy and we stopped hanging out. Then we started talking and out of the blue he asks me out! I don't know him as well as I used to, and he says he's changed, so I don't know how the date will go, like how it will turn out. If he turns out to be a jerk and if I'll never want to hang out with him again, or if he'll have changed and I'll like the new him."

"Well there's only one way to find out. And if it turns out well, then you guys can get closer, like boyfriend girlfriend. But if it doesn't go too well, then you guys will know you're meant to be friends, not anything else."

Nudge thought this over. Then smiled and nodded, "You're right. If it goes well, we could be more than friends. If it doesn't go well, we're just friends. Thanks, Max."

I smiled, glad I had helped. "You're welcome."

Nudge put in her ear rings, then draped the necklace around her neck and closed the clasped. She smiled at her reflection in her wall mirror.

"Ready to go down stairs?" She asked, standing up and grabbed her purse.

I nodded, "Yeah." We left her room and walked to the stairs.

"Al! What time is he coming?" Cheyenne called up to us as we descended the stairs.

"He's coming at seven," Nudge replied.

"Okay, it's 6:52 right now."

"Thanks," She said as we walked down the last step- to find Ben glaring at Nudge.

"That boy better behave himself." Ben said.

I smirked at Nudge. She rolled her eyes, "You know him! He's a good boy."

"He was," Ben muttered.

Nudge raised an eyebrow.

"If he gives you any trouble call Mom or I and we'll come get you."

Nudge sighed. "Okay, Dad."

Ben paused, "I think I should have a talk with the boy."

"No! Dad, no. He'll behave himself, I promise."

Ben nodded but his expression showed he didn't believe it.

Cheyenne walked out of the kitchen and over to Nudge and I.

"Oh, Ally," Cheyenne smiled, "You look beautiful! Have a wonderful time on your date!" As Cheyenne said this, she adjusted Nudge's dress straps.

"Thanks, Mom." Nudge smiled.

The front door opened and Gazzy trotted in. He walked over to Cheyenne and handed her a handful of envelopes. "Got the mail."

"Thanks." Cheyenne took the mail, flipping through it, as she walked over and sat next to Ben on the couch.

"Nudge, I think I should talk to the boy-"

"Dad, I promise, nothing is going to happened."

Ben sighed. "Okay, sweetheart. If you say nothing is going to happen, I believe you."

Nudge smiled. "Thank you."

The door bell rang at that moment.

Ben's eyes narrowed, Nudge glared at him, and Cheyenne walked across the living room and opened the front door.

"Hello, Josh! It's good to see you again! How have you been doing?"

"I've been fine, thanks. How have you been?" In stepped a boy who looked to be sixteen. He had light brown hair that caught the light and was obviously washed daily (unlike some of the other guys at my school), his eyes were a bright, shinning, blue, his shoulders were broad, he was tall, almost six feet. He wore a black sports jacket, a white button up dress shirt, and dark blue jeans under neath. Definitely eye candy for the girls.

But not as much as Fang. ... Did I really just think that?... Forget that. Please.

"I've been good."

Nudge walked over and smiled, "Hey."

"Hey." Replied Josh, reaching for Nudge's hand. She smiled, then glanced over her shoulder at Ben.

"Well, I'll see you guys later!" Nudge called quickly, pushing Josh out of the door when she saw Ben start to stand up.

"Bye guys!" Cheyenne called.

"Bye!" I shouted.

"Bye!" Nudge shouted back slamming the door behind her.

I smirked.

Cheyenne smiled and walked into the kitchen with Ben following her. Cheyenne started stirring something in a big, shiny, silver pot. Gazzy walked up the stairs calling, "I'll be in my room."

I walked over to the couch and started flipping through the random channels.

I notice Cheyenne whispering something to Ben then point at a letter.

Ben sighed an ran his fingers through his hair.

What was going on? I wondered. Were they having trouble paying the bills? Marital problems, maybe? I didn't think so, they seem fine, no arguments, there were a few disagreements, but not fights or anything.

Cheyenne pointed at the letter.

Ben shrugged, by the set of his jaw and crease in his eyebrow, I could tell he was worried.

Cheyenne bit her lip. She grabbed the letter and looked at the address on the envelope, again. She sighed and pick up her cell phone and dial a phone number.

Ben whispered something to her again.

She nodded and whispered something back. She handed the letter to Ben and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then said, "Hello? Yes! Hi!" She turned the stove off and walked across the kitchen, opened the back door, and went outside. Ben was following right behind her, still holding the letter.

I was positive something was going on, but what? My guess was finance issues. I doubt it was marital problems now, they were working together on the situation, not against each other. Who would Cheyenne be calling, though? Maybe the utilities company?

If it was finances, I could help! I'd get a job and give my checks to Cheyenne and Ben. That would help, for sure!

I sighed, I just wanted to know what was going on. I doubt Nudge knew anything, she wasn't acting any different, and Cheyenne didn't start acting weird until she found the letter. What was going on?

Ten minutes had passed and Ben and Cheyenne were still outside. Just waiting here was killing me! But what was I going to say when they came in? I wasn't going to jump up and shout, "Hey who was on the phone? What did the letter say? Who was it from?" Maybe, I should just wait 'til they tell me something, or eavesdropping is always a choice...

At that moment Cheyenne and Ben both came in. Cheyenne looked nervous, worried, and scared. Ben looked confused and concerned.

Cheyenne set her cell phone down on the counter, put both of her hands on the counter top, and braced against it. She looked up at Ben. He nodded.

She stood up straight, took the letter from him, and they both walked into the living room. Cheyenne sat down next to me on the couch, Ben took the lounge chair.

What the hell was going on? Maybe they found something horrible in my file and didn't want to foster me any more? Could they do that? Maybe some school trouble? Yeah, yeah. It wasn't bad just some complications! They wouldn't just kick me out. Would they?...

"Hey Max," Cheyenne said sincerely, flashing me a sad smile, her eyes were filled with sorrow. "I know... we don't talk much about your- your dad. You've never really told us much about him... We didn't ask because we know it'd upset you and we could tell you didn't want to talk about it."

I nodded, a little.

"We know what had happened, when you lived with him, though, right?"

I nodded, again.

"Is there anything you would want to talk about? About anything?" Her voice sounded like pleading almost.

I felt like this was a trap, but I found my voice, "Not really." It didn't sound like my own.

"You know we love you very much, Max and we're so extraordinarily happy to have you as daughter."

I nodded. "I love you guys, too."

Cheyenne smiled and wrapped me in a hug. "Today in the mail, we found a letter. At first we didn't understand. So we called Anne. And she told us, your judge has looked into your case." She took a deep breathe. "Your dad has been seeing a counselor, to help him with issues. And he's overcome some huge obstacles, and the judge has inspected it carefully. They think your dad should try to make amends with you... And they let him mail you a letter."

Cheyenne held out her hand and clutched between her fingers was a white envelope.

Let me just say, this may not seem like a big deal to you. But having a father that rape you, beat you, and hurt you in unimaginable ways, finally got locked up in jail. You're free of the insane bastard! But no! His memory still haunts you at every turn! Causing you to start cutting just to fucking forget! Then out of the blue, you get a letter from him, and he's trying to make "amends" with you, how would you feel? To me, it's a big freakin' deal.

I stared at the letter as if it was a ticking bomb.

It felt likes hours passed before I finally found my voice, "No. No. They can't do that! Not with out your permission, right? Is that even _legal_? I thought he had the right not to contact me at all! Why are they letting him send me a letter? They can't do that! What- what's he going to say? 'Dear Max, I'm so terribly sorry for raping you, my only daughter uncountable times. I'm sorry for hurting you also, and yelling at you over the stupidest thing's. And calling you my favorite nickname, Bitch. Love, Your Daddy'? No! He can't do this! Why would the judge let him do this? He's insane! Why can't they see that? Why can't they just lock him up and let him rot in jail and leave me be? Nope, every where I look there's another memory of what he did to me! And now he just gets to contact me? Why would the judge do that! He belongs in jail with _Dad_!" I took a deep breath, I felt so shaky and twitchy, so close to tears.

Everyone in the room was froze and silent. We would be able to hear a pen drop. I couldn't believe I said all that. It felt good just to say and get it off my chest, but I had said _way _too much. If they weren't going to kick me out before they were now. I felt my face heat up, I felt ashamed, embarrassed. I bit my lip hard.

Cheyenne and Ben were still frozen, staring at me. I bit my lip harder. They were just staring at me. They probably thought I was insane! I probably was, thanks to Dad! Like Father like daughter! I bolted up, grabbed the letter, and sprinted upstairs, a sobbing sound escaping my lips.


	12. Chapter 12 Ever

**Chapter 12**

**Ever**

I slammed my bedroom door, making the few pictures I had hanging on my walls jump, then locked it. I walked to my bed on shaky legs and sat down, trying to take a calming breath but another sob came out instead, fresh tears rolled down my cheeks and on to my shirt. I wiped my cheeks on my shoulder.

How could they do this? They said he wouldn't be able to contact me! Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I thought to myself as I glared at the white, rectangular, envelope, it's words written in black ink were scribbled, a tear fell down on it, smearing the words.

Out of know where, the envelope felt searing hot, it burned my fingers making them sting. I threw the letter on to my night stand and buried my face in my hands. This was insane! They couldn't let him send me a letter with out my guardians permission! It was illegal! Unless... Cheyenne and Ben agreed to letting them send it... Would they do that? Why would they do that? They would have to had known it'd upset me. Maybe they wanted my dad and I to become friends? Or maybe they wanted me gone? Knowing it'd make me upset and want to leave them for giving me the letter?

But that was really far fetched and didn't really make sense. I felt like I was talking in circles, rambling. Five questions kept playing through my mind, 1 Why did he send me the letter? 2 What did it say? 3 Should I open it? 4 Did Cheyenne and Ben some how set this up? And 5 How could he just send me the letter?

Number five was the main enigma I was focusing on, 'how could he just send me the letter?' And it was true, after years of abuse and violence, my dad just _decides _to send a letter and make 'amends'. How was that going to work out? How could he apologize for what he did to me?

I shudder at the memories.

I didn't care what the letter said, he wasn't going to be able to just say _sorry_. What could he say in the letter? I didn't want to know. I didn't know and I didn't want to read it! I didn't get how he could just do this! I didn't want to read it!

My room started blurring and I saw black dots. I thought I could get away, escape him! But now it's impossible to look at the sky and not see some horrible memory!

The spots grew bigger, taking away most of my vision and I became aware of a burning sensation in my lungs. I tried to breathe but the air seemed to stop in my throat, I tried again and I couldn't even inhale.

_Put your head between your legs_. The thought came from no where, but I followed it's instructions and air filled my lungs as a coughing fit began and the dots vanished.

I stayed like that for awhile breathing in and out, in and out, and counting each breath. When I reached one hundred breaths, I slowly sat up.

There was knock on my bedroom door breaking the silence, making me jump in shock of it.

"Max?" Cheyenne called softly through the door.

**Cheyenne's POV 10minutes before.**

Max jumped up, grabbed the letter and ran up the stairs, I heard her start to cry then her bedroom door slammed shut.

I watched the empty stairs. I was surprised she had said all that. She had never talk about her dad like that before... or at all really. She made it pretty clear she didn't want to talk about him. Whenever the subject came up, she'd either leave the room or change the topic. It all seemed to just be building up inside that poor girl and this thing happening had pushed her over the edge.

I tried to image what it would like to be her, how I would feel if I had an abusive Father who had gone to jail and all of the sudden sent me a random letter. My heart went out to her, I felt so guilty.

I had, had no idea the letter was coming, but when it came here, we called Anne to see what to do. She said the choice was our's. So Ben and I decided to let Max choose to read it or throw it out. But I could see now we had made the wrong decision. That poor girl.

I just wanted to go upstairs and give her a big and help her through this. I shook my head and sighed sadly.

I turned to Ben, he looked guilty as well.

"That didn't go very well," He said quietly, running his fingers through his hair.

"That poor girl. I've never seen her like this... She's so upset, everything about him was builded up inside her. And she had no one to talk to! And this happening, it was too much build up, she just broke down," I instantly felt ever guiltier. "What had she said? 'Every where I look there's another memory of what he did to me'?... That's so sad. She- she can't escape. She used to have an abusive Father and finally got taken away from him... But then she still has those memories... Why hadn't she said anything about it before? Do you think we should take her to see a counselor?"

"I think she hasn't said anything before for a few reasons, she doesn't like to talk about her dad, she was scared-"

"What could she be scared of?" I interrupted.

"Well, she an abusive Father who would hit her if she said the wrong thing, or she could be afraid of what we might think, or what we might do if she said anything. We know her, but she's only been living with us for a few months, there's still a lot we don't know. Plus, there's the factor that she's scared and ashamed for her Father raping her all together and she might be embarrassed." Ben answered.

I nodded slowly. "But... She should know she can come to us for anything good or bad, embarrassing or not."

"I'm not so sure about that now, we might think she feels that way, but she might not."

"You're right." I said slowly. "She probably doesn't feel... ready to talk about personal things like that. Over time, though, she might."

Ben nodded.

"Do you think we should take her to a counselor?"

"No, I don't. Or at least not yet. I think she needs some one to talk to right now. And that person is you, she needs a mother- figure to help her."

I stood up. "You're absolutly right. I need to make sure she knows for a fact, that we're here for her. To help her through this." I walked up the carpeted stairs and to her room.

**Max's POV**

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to talk either, even if I could manage to talk. Tears were still falling down my face and I didn't want her to know I was still crying.

"Sweetie, can we talk? Will you please open the door?" Her voice was gentle and calm.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to let her in, but if I didn't, what would she do?

I slowly stood up and wiped my cheeks, hoping I didn't look like I'd been crying. I took each step carefully one at a time, across my room and finally reached the door. I unlocked it and opened it, out of sheer fear of what they would do if I didn't.

I looked at the ground as Cheyenne stepped into my room. She closed the door.

She reached out her hand- to hit me? I wasn't sure, but I took a step back. Then realizing my mistake I froze and bit my lip.

Cheyenne just looked sadden by my stepping back.

"Max, I- I wanted to say I'm sorry for the letter... Ben and I didn't know it was coming. And we were just as surprised by it as you. We could have thrown the letter away, but... we thought you should be the one to make that decision to keep it or not."

I kept my gaze trained on the floor, not knowing what would happen if I looked up. But at least I knew Cheyenne and Ben didn't set up the letter some how.

"And sweetie, please know this and never forget, if there is ever anything you need or want to talk about, Ben and I both are always there for you. I know the letter upset you, and I'm sorry it did, but if you want to talk about your dad or the letter or anything, I'm here."

I didn't know what to do, so I nodded a little.

I glanced up a little, she was giving me a small, sad, smile. She reached her hand out again, then quickly set it back down at her side.

She seemed to realize I wasn't going to say anything else. "And the choice is your's. Whether you want to keep the letter or not."

Again, a small nod.

We stayed in silence like that for awhile. Finally Cheyenne said, "If you need anything, Sweetie... I'll be down stairs."

She walked out, glancing over her shoulder a little as she left, she also looked sad. She shut my door, and thank god she did, because as soon as I heard the soft "click"of my door closing, I broke down into sobs, my whole body shook as I cried. I collapsed on to the floor and drew my knees up under me, resting my chin on them.

Her saying all this had sprung up new and completely different emotions from before. Guilt for still second guessing Cheyenne and Ben, remorse for making them upset, and the feeling of letting them down some how.

I stayed like that for a long time. I recognized this pain though, the uncontrollable thoughts, hurting so much it felt like being stung, my head throbbing, the lack of control, trying to forget about everything, my dad, the letter, the past, I had felt all this before.

I slowly stood up and stumbled to my night stand, my body shaking. I knelt in front of my night stand and opened the drawer. I pulled my blade out of it's hiding spot and walked to my bedroom door, I opened it silently and entered the hall way.

I walked down the hall to the bathroom. I opened that door, and stepped in, closing and locking it behind me. I turned on the bathroom light and fan. I walked over to the tub and sat down in front of it, leaning my back against the hard, cold, fiberglass of the tub.

I rolled up my sleeve, excepting to see the scars, but instead, I saw a sloppily drawn smiley face staring up at me, covering a few scars.

Fang had drawn it a few nights ago, in Sharpie, reminding me to not hurt myself. I hadn't noticed what he was doing until the face was drawn. _Fang_. My thoughts flashed to him.

As if I was being controlled by strings, like a puppet, I yanked my cell phone of my back pocket and dialed Fang's number.

It rang once, twice, three times, four times, please answer Fang, I thought.

"Hello?" Fang answered on the seventh ring.

"Fang?" I said quietly, almost shyly and you could tell by my voice I had been crying.

"Max? What's wrong?"

"Can- can you come over please? I... I need your... your help."

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in five minutes."

"Thanks." I whispered and hung up the phone.

Just five minutes, I told myself. Just stay still and don't do anything.

The seconds felt like hours. All I had to do to stop this was swipe the blade across my wrist and everything would be over. Just one cut... I couldn't take this any more! It needed to stop now. I needed it all to stop! I held the blade on my wrist, the skin around it turning white. I just needed to drag it down and it'd all be over... I'd be free.

"Max?" There was a knock on the door.

Fang. The door opened and Fang stepped in, re-locking the door. He faced me and held a bobby pin he had used to pick the lock.

When he saw the scene of me on the floor my face red and wet, my body curled up, and the blade poised over my wrist, he rushed to my side. He grabbed the blade from my surprised hand. I reached for it, that was the only thing that could save me! What was I thinking, calling Fang?

He pulled his hand back and threw the blade over to the other side of the room.

"No!" I yelled.

"Sh," Fang said soothingly.

I tried to stand up to get it, but he pulled me back down into his lap.

Why was he doing this? Why wouldn't he just let me get the blade? It'd end this all so fast! I'd feel better! The feelings would be gone! Almost as if the letter would be gone!

The letter...

I felt my chest shudder again and I bit my lip trying to keep back tears.

This wasn't fair! I was trapped! Trapped every where! Everything was some sick trap! Caging me and haunting me! I felt tears leak from my eyes. I angrily wiped them away.

"This isn't a trap, Max," Fang said, it was then I realized I had been talking out loud the whole time.

I looked up angrily at Fang. His caring eyes met my mind.

This was too much! Why couldn't he leave me alone?

His eyes stared at me.

This was it! I couldn't stand another second of this! Something inside me snapped and I started to cry even harder and sob into his chest.

Like last time, words began following from my mouth about the letter, the scene in the living room, how I had suspected something was up when Cheyenne and Ben had gone outside. How they told me, how I freaked out. How I didn't read the letter. How I hated it! How I hated Dad! It couldn't stop talking! It annoyed me, why couldn't I just shut the hell up?

My sobs turned into shuddered breaths, they turned to silence. Neither one of us saying anything. He held me tight to him and I hugged him back. He was something stable to hold onto, so my world wouldn't turn upside down.

I slowly looked up at him. Again I felt ashamed for being so insane, acting in that matter. But I couldn't help it, I didn't mean to act like that...

He gave me a small smile. "You okay, now?"

"Sorry." I answered in a rusty voice, looking down.

"Don't be." He held me tight and rested his cheek on my head.

"I... I need to go do something." I said standing up.

"Max-"

Fang started but I had already stood up, grabbed my blade, and out the bathroom door to my bedroom.

I quickly hid the blade and grabbed my letter, and by the time Fang had finally caught up and entered my room, he saw me blade- less and clutching the envelope.

"Max?" He said.

I opened my window next to my night stand, a small breeze drifted in. I grabbed a lighter from dresser.

"Max, what are you doing?" Fang demanded.

I held the letter out the window, held the lit lighter under it and watched the letter catch flames. The flames ate the paper fast, within seconds, I only had an inch of paper left. I dropped the piece of left over letter out the window. By the time it reached the ground, it was ash.

Ashes to Ashes

Dust to dust

I thought.


	13. Chapter 13 Fine and Dandy

**Chapter 13**

**Fine and Dandy**

**Thank you for all the reviews and ideas!**

"Where do you want to go?" Nudge asked, as we walked down the side walk, away from our house.

"Just around," I replied with a shrug.

Total, who was galloping beside Nudge, stopped and started to sniff a bug.

"Come on, Total," Nudge said, giving his retractable leash a tug.

Total quickly scampered forward and kept pace with Nudge and I.

A breeze picked up and I wrapped my fuzzy coat tighter to me, trying to keep as much cold out as possible.

Last night, after the un-read letter was burned, Fang had stayed with me for awhile. We were on my bed, my back to Fang's chest, he was leaning against my dark brown, wooden, head board. His arms were also wrapped around my waist, my head was resting against his shoulder. I wasn't sure how we had gotten in that position, though it had felt kind of nice, to be hugged like that, but that didn't me I was completely comfortable with him touching me that much. At first when he held me I had felt tense, my muscles coiled tight, and for once when he held me, I could tell what was going on- not some crying heap on the bathroom floor- I was a little wary. And I didn't like feeling so… defenseless or vulnerable, I guess. But after awhile I had relax a little, allowing his hands to hold me tight, and securely.

Fang was quietly trying to keeping up a conversation.

"I can't believe they let your dad do that," He whispered.

I nodded my head against his shoulder. "It's not fair."

"The legal system sucks. How could the judge just be all fine and dandy with your dad mailing you? Didn't he think about the possible consequences?"

"I don't know…" I said quietly.

"Can I ask you a question?" Fang asked suddenly.

I wasn't in the mood to say, "You just did!" So instead, I said, "Okay."

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to… but when you still lived with your dad, why didn't you say something sooner to someone about him?"

And that question was not up for topic.

"I don't know," I replied sharply, maybe more forceful than I had intended.

Fang nodded, not seeming to notice my voice tone.

That's when there was a knock on my bedroom door and before I could move, it opened.

"Max? I was wondering if you want some hot chocolate-" Cheyenne stopped mid- sentence, her eyes widen.

I realized the way Fang and I must have looked, and I had to stop a shudder of disgust.

"Oh, oh, I'm sorry… I'll be…" She quickly stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Shit.

And Cheyenne and I haven't really talked since then. Of course as soon as Nudge got home I had told her what happened. Not all the details, just how Cheyenne saw Fang holding me. She practically freaked, thinking the same thing was going on as Cheyenne. But once I had explained, she was more helpful, we decided that I should try to explain to Cheyenne soon, that nothing was going on between Fang and I. But for, now Nudge and I decided to escape the house and go for a walk, however it was _really _cold outside and I'm not so sure it was good idea any more.

Nudge had also asked how I was doing about the letter. I just said, "It was weird. I didn't read it and burned it." She had picked up on my silent "I don't want to talk about it" clues, and let it drop, but I could tell she wanted to hear more details

"Has Mom said anything to you?" Nudge wondered.

"No. Did she say anything to you?" I glanced over at Nudge. She was biting her lip, as she pulled the zipper up her coat.

"Yeah, this morning she asked if I knew anything that was going on between you and Fang."

"What'd you say?" I blew out a breath, it made a steam cloud.

"I said that you guys were friends. And then, she said 'Nothing else is going on?' And I was like, 'No, Mom, they're just friends.' And she's all, 'Really?' And I'm like, 'Why? Do they not seem like friends?' And I said that to see if she'd say anything, you know like get her insider opinion on the situation. And she's like, "No, they seem to be, a little more than friends-".

I interrupted, "Did she sound mad? Or like nonchalant?"

"Kind of curiosity mixed with nonchalant-ness."

Uh oh. Nonchalant was not good. Being nonchalant usually meant you had something to find, or less the impact of something. Maybe I was over thinking it? I didn't know.

"Nonchalant- ness? Is that even a word?"

Nudge shrugged. "I don't know. When are you planning on confronting Mom?"

"Soon. Today, hopefully. I don't want to mis-think what was going on."

"Mis- think? That's not a real word either."

I rolled my eyes and smirked.

"So how did your date go?" I asked. I hadn't asked last night for all the commotion going on, and I instantly felt guilty.

Nudge smiled, "It was so much fun! He was so sweet, opening doors, pulling out my chair. He paid for dinner which was really nice, I offered to help pay like twenty times! But he kept refusing. He's definably a changed guy but it's for the better. I like the 'new him'. A lot."

I smiled and shook my head, "Are you guys going on another date soon?"

"Yes, were going to the movies," Nudge giggled.

"That's awesome," I said, as I looked up at the sky, it had gone gray and cloudy since the last time I had looked at it.

"Do you think it's going to start storming?" I asked Nudge.

"I'm not sure, we should probably start heading back, though…."

We had walked a good fifteen minutes from the house. We quickly turned around and sped- walked in the direction of our house.

After about a minute of silence, Nudge asked, "Are you still glad today, that you burned the letter?"

"Extraordinarily." And I was glad that the letter was gone. No longer here to bug me. Stupid, little, rectangular, envelope which held the letter- that was also stupid.

"Don't you wonder what it said?"

I shrugged. "All I know, is I'm glad it's gone."

That's when something freezing cold touched the back of my neck. I let out a yelp. I turned around, nothing was there.

"It's snowing!" Nudge exclaimed, raising her open hands to the sky, letting snow flakes fall on them.

"Yay! Snow…" I said with false enthusiasm.

Nudge smirked.

"Come on! Let's go home!" I said pulling on her jacket sleeve as Totaled started to bark at the white flakes.

We raced home and got there in about eight minutes, though we were covered in snow and freezing cold. Not fun. But I felt bad for Total, the poor little guy was all wet and shaking from the cold. He didn't look so much as a dog anymore, he looked more like a drowned cat.


	14. Chapter 14 The First Snowball

**Chapter 14**

**The First Snowball**

**Thanks to, Nicolette May Summers, I really liked your idea for future chapters!**

**sendicard, you absolutely right.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

"Hey, Max? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Cheyenne called from her open bedroom door.

"Sure," I called back, stepping out of my room and adjusting the shirt I had just put on. The snow drenched one was now a crumpled ball in my laundry hamper.

I still hadn't talked to Cheyenne about the Fang incident, considering Nudge and I had walked in the door five minutes ago, and I had gone straight upstairs to change into dry clothes. I was pretty sure that's why Cheyenne was asking to talk to me, right now. I wondered what she might say, would she be mad? Or upset, maybe? Would it make her upset? Nothing was going on between us, so she shouldn't be upset. Or glad? Glad that I found someone that likes me and that I trust? But, who's to say I trusted Fang? Do I even trust Fang?

Wait. How the heck did this thought bubble turn to Fang?

I shook my head, trying to clear away the thoughts. I entered Cheyenne's and Ben's room. The carpet was fuzzy and always comfy under my feet, it was also a light tan color. The walls were painted a golden brown, making their white balcony -and the snow covered window- stand out. The dresser, bed frame, and head board followed the brown theme and they were all made of oak wood. The room matched very well together, giving it a calm and cozy feel.

Cheyenne had just sat down on her bed.

"Hi," I said.

Cheyenne patted the space next to her on the bed.

"Come sit," she said kindly.

I sat down next to her. A bad feeling began to form in my stomach.

"Sweetie, last night I saw you and Fang together. On your bed. And to me, it looked like you guys weren't so much as friends anymore. It looked more like you guys might be dating-" Her voice was calming and gentle the whole time, but I interrupted her.

"We're not dating," I said quickly.

Cheyenne raised her eyebrow slightly, "Then what was happening last night?" Her voice was still gentle.

I didn't want to admit how upset the letter had made me, but I also didn't want to lie to Cheyenne, so I decided I'd just try to explain _how _we got in that position instead of _why _we were in that position. "Fang and I were talking. I was sitting on my bed and Fang came and sat next to me, I kind of leaned against him, and he pulled me into his lap, and that's how we were sitting when you walked in." That sounded okay? Right?

"Do you like him?" She asked suddenly, a smile spreading across her face.

I was a bit taken aback. Did I like Fang? As a friend, yes. As a boyfriend, though? I didn't know.

"As a friend."

"Not as a boyfriend, though?" She wondered, reading my thoughts.

I shrugged a little, "I don't know. I guess not… not really."

Her smile grew, "But that's not a 'no'."

I shrugged, not sure what was going on anymore. Was Cheyenne happy about the thought of Fang and I being more than friends? She was sure acting like it. But what did I think about all of this? Was I happy, too, about the thought of Fang and I dating? Could I date Fang? Did I want to date Fang? The one person who has always been there for me? Who cared about me? He cared about me enough to try to get me to stop cutting and has been there when I needed help. But also, he was the one person who had seen me freak out about my dad and my desperate need to cut. Would I want to go out with someone who had seen me like that?

"I guess not," I said quietly.

She seemed to notice that I was uncomfortable with the topic, so she took the conversation in a new direction.

"Why was he holding you?" She asked excitedly, like a giddy school girl. I wasn't used to this, mother/ daughter conversations about boy trouble. In fact I wasn't used to mother/ daughter conversations at all! Or boy trouble, for that matter.

This topic was not much better than the last.

I shrugged, trying to go around the question, "We were talking and it just kind of… happened."

"Oh," She said nodding. Then she pulled me into a hug. I awkwardly hugged her back with one arm. "Just be safe with Fang."

I pulled back, shocked.

"I mean, Fang used to be known to be quite a heart breaker."

"Oh." Fang a heart breaker? I mentally giggled.

Cheyenne smoothed down my hair.

"Well, I have go help Ben pull down the Halloween decorations, or he might end up falling off the ladder." She laughed.

I smiled back and stood up. "Yeah, be careful out there, it's snowing."

She looked at her balcony window, which was lined in snow, "I guess it is. I'll make sure to wear a scarf." She stood up also and gave me one more quick hug then went to her closet, "Ben and I will be outside if you need us." She wrapped a scarf around her neck.

"Okay, thanks." I called walking out of the room and to the staircase.

What had just happened? Well, first of all, Cheyenne seemed happy about the thought of Fang and I dating. She was almost urging me to date him. Secondly, that conversation had stirred up thoughts about Fang I didn't what to think about. Like, did Fang like me? I didn't think so. But why else would he always be there for me? Was he just being a good friend? I didn't know, and I didn't want to think about it. I pushed all of those thoughts out of my head. I wouldn't think about them. At least, not until later.

I smelled smoke as I descended the stairs, and realized someone had lit a fire in the fireplace. The thought brought a smile to my face it'll be all cozy down stairs, I'll make some hot chocolate, that should help calm my nerves and help me forget about all thoughts of Fan-

Fang! And Iggy! And Angel! Were all over down stairs, crowded by the fireplace along with Nudge and Gazzy. The TV was set to Disney Channel and some Halloween movie was on.

Irony just loves to bite me in the butt, huh?

"There you are! You took forever upstairs," Nudge said

I gave her a look that said, "I was talking with Cheyenne."

She mouthed back, "Oh."

"Sorry." I said sitting on the floor next to Angel and Iggy. Total was sleeping in Angel's lap, he was still wet and his damp was head was resting on her leg, leaving a wet spot on her pants.

"Are you going trick- or- treating?" I asked Angel.

She nodded, "Yes! It'll be so much fun! I'm so excited!'

Iggy caught my eye as he nonchalantly reached into his coat pocket and pulled something out. It was hidden in his fist. What was it? It almost looked like a-

Nudge let out a scream as if someone had just pulled a gun on her, when the white lumpy object hit her forehead crunch and spilt into a hundreds of pieces.

A snow ball.

I was surprised it hadn't melted. Everyone turned to Iggy, including Nudge, -oh, if looks could kill- he was doubled over, trying to keep from laughing, his face normal pale face was red.

Later that day, while we were out front, in the _snow_, Nudge dumped a glass full of ice water down the back of Iggy's shirt, as revenge.


	15. Chapter 15 Mondays Always Suck

**Chapter 15**

**Mondays Always Suck**

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I had to study for finials, but finials are over now and I'm on winter break! So hopefully I'll be able to update more often.**

**-peanutbuttermonster, thank you so much!  
- Nicolette May Summers, I'll let you know! J**

**- Mrs. Fangalicious Thank you! And yes.**

**Thanks for your reviews!**

On Monday morning, my alarm clock went off, waking me from my deep sleep.

I groan and slowly reached my hand out from under the warm covers to feel around my night stand, I finally found my alarm clock, and slammed my fist on top of it to shut it up. And ended up knocking over my cup of water. I heard it hit the floor and I sighed.

Mondays were always the worst day of the week.

I slowly sat up, trying to wake up from my dream- less slumber. I had no clue when the last time I had a dream was. It was nice to sleep peacefully, not waking up crying and covered in sweat. I would take a spilt cup of water and an annoying alarm clock over a nightmare any day.

I think the last time I had a dream was when Fang, Iggy, Gazzy, and I were watching a movie and I had fallen asleep. I had gone upstairs and gotten out my blade when Fang had caught me. That was the first time he had found me when I was about to cut.

I shook my head trying to get the thoughts out of my head. I didn't want to think about it.

I finally crawled out of my warm bed and into the cold room. Only to step in the water puddle. I yelped and pulled my foot away.

Well, this morning was not off to a good start.

After the water was soaked up by a bunch of paper towels, I glanced out my balcony doors.

I had a small window also in my room, by my night stand. My balcony was by the foot of my bed.

The windows of my balcony doors were iced over and I could see tiny snowflakes falling outside, they looked like little cotton balls. It was extremely pretty, the yard covered in untouched snow, the trees were blanketed with snow, and the newly hung Halloween decorations had snow layering them, also. I sighed, even though it was pretty, it was going to be another cold day.

After I was ready for school, I went down stairs. Nudge was sitting at the table, looking at a sheet of paper, I realized she was studying for a test we were having today. She was also eating a bowl of cereal.

Cheyenne was leaning against the counter, reading something in her open laptop which was set on the counter.

I walked into the kitchen, "Hi," I said as I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard.

Cheyenne looked up from her laptop and smiled. "Hi, Max," She glanced back down.

I grabbed a box of cereal and sat next to an annoyed looking Nudge at the table.

"This is so stupid!" Nudge threw her paper, which didn't work very well because instead of the paper slamming to the table, it drifted back and forth until it gently fell on top of Nudge's bowl. Nudge frowned. "How are we supposed to study for a math test? Go over a problem a bunch of times? Well what if you have the wrong formula? Or doing the steps in the wrong order? It's so stupid! With math, you either know it or you don't, and I don't know it."

"You're good at math." And she was considering she had a "B+" in the class.

"I'm going to fail this test."

"Even if you did get every, single, problem wrong, you'd still have a 'B' in this class."

Nudge was quite for moment, "Well that's true." She didn't say anything else, realizing she would still have a good grade no matter how the test turned out.

A second later, the doorbell rang and the front door opened. Angel, Fang, and Iggy. As long as I have known them, they had always just let themselves inside, it was easier then someone getting up and answering the door.

"Hey," Fang, said. "Hi, Cheyenne."

"Hey," Nudge and I replied. Cheyenne said "Hi."

Angel scampered over to Nudge and I.

Nudge had gone back to studying.

"You'll do fine," I said.

She shrugged.

"What're you doing?" Angel asked.

"Studying, so I hopefully won't fail the math test."

"You won't fail." I said.

"Ready?" Iggy asked.

"Yeah." Nudge stood up. "Let's go."

Fang, Iggy, Nudge, and I headed to the door and called, "Bye!" Over our shoulders.

Angel's and Gazzy's school didn't start for another forty five minutes, they would usually just hang out at each other's houses until the bus came to take them to school.

* * *

I walked into my second hour class, theatre. I walked to the table I shared with Fang.

He was sitting at the table, "Hi," I said.

"Hey," He said.

Our teacher, Mrs. Nardone, was standing at the front of the class looking over some papers as more students trickled into the room.

I saw a group of guys and girls; they looked at a girl walking by, and they laughed, they were the kind of people who were always gossiping, talking badly about someone. They were standing by a desk, still laughing. I didn't like them, they were two- faced, they'd pretend to be nice to you, and then talk about you behind your back. I had never talked to them, but I had overheard their conversations, and they weren't very nice. I had always wondered how they had never gotten bord talking about people.

I turned to Fang, "Do you have your lines memorized?" I wondered. Our class was doing skits; the scene was already written and are only job was to memorize the lines and perform the scene on stage. Some of the skits were funny; others were sad, girly, and romantic.

"Kinda, I have half of my scene memorize but it's kind of pointless-"

"Hey, Max" Abby said, she was a member of the gossiping group. Her voice was dripping with fake friendliness.

"Hello," I said glancing at Fang with an eyebrow raised.

He shrugged.

Other people in the class were taking notice, and they were all staring like they were expecting some cat fight between us to break out.

"So, is it true that your _dad_ was the only one who _dared_ to have sex with you?" She said it loudly, so everyone could hear, a sneer was planted on her face.

What? _What_? What! H-how did they find that out? What? This made no sense, this sick joke of theirs. They thought this was something funny! Something to laugh about and make fun of.

I felt my face heat up with anger. They found out and somehow twisted it into some sick little joke of theirs! They were making fun of me for what my dad did! They thought it was funny, funny to act as if I had done it by choice, like I had wanted to do that! And nope they couldn't keep it a rumor, no, they had to come and confront me! To rub it in my face even more how badly my life sucks!

I stood up a good four inches taller than her.

I heard people gasped.

"Is it true that Mr. Hyde is the only one who dared to have sex with _you_?" And that was when my knee collided with her stomach.

She fell to the ground, hitting a desk and it got pushed backward. She was on her butt, arms draped at her sides, and gasping.

The entire class was staring at us; I felt their shocked eyes glued to us.

I shook my head, glaring down at a wide and round eyed Abby. I stomped to the door, my lips curled in disgust.

"Max!" Fang shouted as I reached the door. Then, everything came back to life, as if someone had switched the "pause" button to "play". Fang's voice had unfrozen everyone.

Mrs. Nardone and girls from the gossip group rushed to Abby's side, as she played the "victim" role, and tears streamed down her face.

I pushed the door open.

"Max!" Fang yelled.

I walked out the door, and to the main exit, right next door. I left school not knowing where I was planning to go.


	16. Chapter 16 Maybe, Mondays Aren

**Maybe, Mondays Aren't So Bad**

**Chapter 16**

- **Max Perseus Jackson Ride, I hope you like this chapter, then. **

**Thank you for reviewing!**

I walked down the slippery sidewalk leading away from the school. I didn't know where I was headed and I didn't care. I just wanted to leave, escape it all.

Snow started to fall again, it stuck to my hair, and I pulled my hood up.

Why did she say that, I wanted to scream. I had never done anything to her, she didn't even know me! How could you just come up to stranger and blurt out something like that? Was she excepting me to look grossed out and say, "That's disgusting!" Did she not except that my dad might actually done something like that? Or did they really find out that my dad had done something to me and they just wanted to make fun of me for that? But, how did they find out, then? Somebody would have had to tell them! And I'm pretty sure my friends are the only people at school who knew about my dad. Would they tell? They knew how much I didn't like talking about it and people knowing about. Why would they tell then? No, my friends wouldn't do that. Would they?

No, they wouldn't do that.

Stupid Abby, I thought. Couldn't she have kept her mouth shut? This is like something you might see a movie! Not real life! And I'm not trying to encourage her, but her insult wasn't put together very well. And I guess my comeback wasn't any better, but Abby was a pretty well known slut so I wouldn't put it past her to sleep with a teacher.

I sighed and sat down on a rock, almost buried in snow. I had been walking the whole time I was thinking.

I should probably go home. Home? Could I really call it that? I mean, I was a foster child, I wasn't adopted and I wasn't their birth child. I was in the middle, I lived in the house, but it wasn't my home. These people felt like family but they weren't. I wouldn't be here – know these people- if it weren't for my dad. I'm not saying I don't like my sort of family, I love them, but a lot of faults seemed to land on my dad.

My dad. I shivered, not sure if it was from the cold or the thought of him. I remembered when I was four; my dad was always dumping me on the neighbors, or his mom. I hardly saw him and when I did, he had a beer loaded in his hand. Of course I didn't realize it was a beer then, I just knew he always got really mean whenever he drank one.

And one day my grandma –his mom- had had enough of him acting like he had no responsibilities. And they got in to this huge fight, screaming and yelling. I was in my bed at the time, trying to sleep but I could their whole fight, he kept calling her "bad words" and she kept saying he was a horrible son and person. My dad stopped talking to his mom, and she made no effort to say anything back. I haven't talked to her either, I wasn't allowed to back then, and I don't even know where she lives, now. I doubt she knows he's in jail.

I wondered how different my life would've been if she had stayed in it. Or my mom. What if she hadn't died? What if she was still alive?

My dad wouldn't have started drinking. I barely remember, but they were madly in love. The pictures I had found helped; we were the perfect image of a family just starting out. A picture of my parents in front of a little house, me cradled in my mother's arms. The house seemed happy in the picture, but it had turned haunted over the years. Now it sits vacant. My parents had me when they were twenty two. My mom got sick when she was twenty three. Died when she was twenty four. A lot had happened within three years.

That's when my dad started to drink. And drink. And drink. I asked him why he was always drinking the funny smelling sodas, and he said, "It helps me." That was the only answer I had ever gotten to 'why' my dad did a lot those things.

Maybe the letter had answered some of the other "whys". But I didn't care, didn't what to hear his attempt at an apology, and mostly I didn't care about the answers any more. Or him. Maybe I'm holding a grudge and should forgive and forget, but that was just a quote, not reality.

I started drawing in the snow with a stick.

But you know what? No one was there for me, but it was the past. Ever since I got here, I knew one person who has always been there for me. Who had cared, helped me, and I trusted him.

It all made sense now! It all added up. How could I have been counfused about Fang and I before?

And in that moment I knew what I wanted to do.

**Fang's POV**

"Omigod! Abby! Are you okay?"

"Should I go get the nurse?"

"Max is crazy!"

"Did see that? She totally flipped out!"

"It's always the quite ones."

"Abby, can you walk?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Dumb bitch got what was coming to her.

I stood up walked past everyone and to the door. I had to find Max.

"Nickolas! Where do you think you're going?" Mrs. Nardone shouted over the chatter, she was still squatted done by Abby.

I shrugged and glanced over my shoulder.

"Come sit back down!"

"I'm good." I opened the door.

"Nicko-" The door closing cut off what she was saying.

I jogged out of the building, glancing around for Max as I went. Nothing. I opened my car door and jumped inside, started the engine, and took off. I wasn't sure where she had gone to but I had to find her.

I didn't know if she was going to hurt herself or need someone to talk to but I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

Abby was a bitch, why would she do that? Apparently she still hadn't fully recovered from walking into the door earlier today.

I looked for Max as I drove. Don't do anything stupid Max, I mentally urged her. Would this lead her to cut? I didn't think so, she just seemed to be pissed off not ready to whip out a blade.

I just wanted her safe, in my arms. I liked holding her she was warm, and soft. And she didn't smell bad so that was a bonus.

I wanted hit myself for joking. Especially about her.

After about five more minutes of driving, I found her.

She was sitting on a rock, her hood pulled up covering her head.

"Max!" I shout, I climbed out of the car and ran to her side.

"Max are you-" I had swiped down her black hood to reveal, a frizzy haired, face red from the cold, smiling Max.

She stood up, almost as tall as me. The snow was falling harder and snowflakes kept getting caught in Max's hair.

Her warm brown eyes stared in to mine. Even though it was snowing she looked warm. It made me wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her to my chest.

She took a step closer, the tips of our shoes touching.

Her smile was still there, as she gazed up at me, there was almost glint in Max's eye.

I couldn't help it, I wanted her closer to me, I wanted to feel her warmth, I pulled her to my chest, I was smiling, too.

She stood on her tip toes pushing herself closer to me and I leaned down.

Our lips met. Her's were soft and warm. I felt sparks and fire, like someone had shocked us, but it felt incredibly good. Max's arms snaked up and wrapped around my neck. I molded my lips to her's and she pulled me closer. It felt so good to finially hold her like this... and kiss her. I turned my head slightly so our noses didn't bump and she sighed happily.

Max slowly pulled back, breaking the kiss. She looked up at me. The smile was bigger.


	17. Chapter 17 Bad Days

**Bad Days**

**Chapter 17**

**-oxlifexo Thank you!**

**-NightWrighter511 Thank you, you too!**

**-Sam B Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you like the story.**

**It's come to my attention that chapter 9 got reposted to chapter 10, and chapter 10 also got deleted from my documents, so we don't have a chapter 10 L Should I rewrite it or delete chapter 10?**

I heard the front door open and shut.

"Max? Max? Where are you!" Nudge shouted, sounding annoyed. She spotted me in the kitchen and stomped over to me. "Why weren't you in school?" She demanded.

"Because-"

She saw Fang coming down the stairs from the bathroom.

"And you," She jabbed a finger at Fang. "Why weren't you _both _in school?" Her expression changed and she looked at me, eyebrows raised, a questioning look on her face.

I felt my face heat and I tried to hide it by turning towards the stove, where I was making Ramón Noodle Soup, and quickly changed the subject.

"Weren't in school because that girl Abby and I got in a fight today."

I heard Nudge gasped. "That was _you_? It's all over school! 'Abby said a joke to some girl and she completely freaked out! She knocked Abby out.'"

"I did not knock Abby out, I kneed her in the stomach. There's a difference. And she didn't go unconscious! She was fine!"

"Well apparently everyone thinks there was some huge cat fight." I glared at Nudge, "But you won." She added quickly. "Rumor has it, that Abby told you a joke, you flipped and beat Abby up, finally one of the guys in your classroom pulled you off Abby, she was unconscious, then you ran out of the classroom. And some guy followed you."

Nudge turned to Fang, arms crossed, an eyebrow raised.

Fang waved.

I shook my head.

"That's not what happened at all! Abby was being a bitch to me, so I knee-"

"What did Abby say to you?" Nudge asked.

"She was just being a bitch."

"But what'd she say, though?"

I sighed. "'So, is it true that your dad was the only one who dared to have sex with you?'" The sentence was fried into my memory.

Nudge gasped again, horror filling her eyes.

"Anyway," I said tried to avoid taking about that, "I stood up and kneed her, and walked out of the room, by then Abby was probably already formulating a rumor to make me look crazy. Then Fang came after me."

"What a bitch! How could she say something like that? Bitch! Then, how the hell did this rumor get brought up! I mean, didn't your classmates see what happened?"

"Yes, but they probably took Abby's side and helped spread the rumor."

Just then the front door opened and closed again.

"Maximum? Maximum!" Ben walked into the kitchen his face was red. "Your principal just called me and Cheyenne, he said you beat up some poor girl! Not only that, but then you ditched school! With some boy!" Ben was almost shouting.

I felt my toes curl in fear, and I bite my lip. I looked at the ground, feeling like my tail was tucked between my legs again.

"I-"

"Go to your room!"

"But, Dad-" Nudge said quickly stepping forward.

"Ally, hush," Ben ordered. "Max, go to your room."

I walked out of the kitchen, head down, and the soup forgotten, up the stairs, and into my room. I closed the door and sat on my bed, bringing my knees up and resting my chin on them.

I felt so shaken up, this was like a less violent memory of my dad. He always looked like that before he beat me, so full of rage.

But this wasn't my dad. This was Ben. I had never seen him like this. I thought I was escaping an abusive dad, not moving on to another. I realized then, that I was shivering.

I looked at the bedroom door and noticed the lock. My old bedroom didn't have a lock, I had wished it did, though, countless times.

I could lock this door. And attempt to block it out. But that would only get me in more trouble. But it could protect me now.

I shook my head, pushing away the worry and quickly went to my door and locked it.

It didn't make me feel safer.

I went and sat on my bed, resting my head on the heel of my hand. What was going to happen now? Were they going to yell at me? Hit me?

A knocking on my balcony doors, almost made me scream.

I yelped and my hand flew to my mouth.

I got up and slowly walked to the doors. I pushed back the thin white curtains to reveal-

To reveal Fang.

What was he doing out there?

I opened the door and let Fang in.

"What are you doing?" I hissed in a whisper at Fang, so no one would hear us.

"Are you okay?" He whispered back, stepping in.

"Why are you up here?" I demanded feeling mad at everything and everyone.

"To make sure you're okay."

"What? Do you except me to pull a blade on myself over every minor incident!"

"No."

I crossed my arms, "I can handle myself, Fang."

"That's not how it looked on Friday," Fang muttered, I could barely hear him, but I heard

it.

Shock ran through my body. "Get out." I snarled.

"Wait, Max-" Fang shook his head.

"Get out."

"Max-"

"Fang, get out!"

"I'm-"

"Fang, get the fuck out of my room!" I screamed.

I heard running up the stairs, and within seconds some one was pounding and jiggling my door.

"Max? Max? Are you okay? Max!"

Fang went to the balcony, he glance over his shoulder, and I wondered how I could have kissed those frowning lips.

He stepped out and I slammed the door and locked it.

"Max? Answer! Max!"

"I can't find the bedroom door key!"

"Look harder!"

"Max!"

The breaths were coming short and I was shaking. I couldn't hear anything, anymore.

He didn't think I could handle myself? Ha! I thought, as I walked over to the night stand and opened the drawer. I could perfectly handle myself, I knew what I wanted, I could control my body, and I knew when it had had enough. That was control.

I took the blade and dragged it vertically down my wrist, from the heel of my had to the crease of my elbow, following the vein.

I watched in amazement as the blood bubbled up. I felt my breaths come in even shorter. The blood started to fall from arm to the carpet. Blood trails ran together, creating a thicker blood maze. I cut another vertical line next to it, not as long, but it still bleed dark red.

My vision started blurring and my breaths were short gasps. I dropped the blade and leaned against the bed. I was having trouble focusing on objects and thoughts.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, bleeding, time ran together.

But, I swear I saw the bedroom door open. I felt my eyes flutter and I gladly accepted the darkness.

I felt someone shake me and scream, "Max!"

"Call 9-1-1!"

Someone sobbed.

Then it all vanished, everything.

The funny thing? I planned for this to be a happy chapter.


	18. Chapter 18 Just Listening

**Chapter 18**

**Just Listening**

**Monosia- thank you, I'm glad you can relate to the friendships.**

**Caroline Slatten- thank you for the review. It did make me happy :)**

**Sorry it wasn't a happy chapter, and thank you all for the reviews.**

I'm not really sure what happened from there, I remember being jostled a lot, and something pulling and poking my arm. But that was all.

And I wasn't floating in some dark dream, or having an out- of- body experience either, leading me to some earth shattering realization.

Nope, I just slept, in a cloudy haze. It wasn't cold but not warm either. And like I said before, it wasn't dark and it wasn't bright. I'm not really sure what it was.

I couldn't really feel pain. It was like I was separated from my body, everything, pain, hunger, feeling at all, I couldn't sense it. It was like my mind knew it was there, but my nerves didn't accesses it.

Some things seemed extraordinarily real, though, like a few of the dreams I had.

They weren't like the dreams I normally had. In one, I was in the Preston's kitchen and I was making dinner, spaghetti with meat sauce. Which is beyond strange, considering I can't cook to save my life, I can follow simple directions on the package, like boil water, add noodles, add butter. But with more than five step instructions, my food turns into a burnt blob.

In another, I was back in the classroom with Abby and she turned into a brown mouse and ran and hid under some cardboard boxes my teacher had stacked in the corner.

Another one was I was falling off of a tall building. I'm not sure if I was pushed or if I jumped. I was rocketing to the grey sidewalk, screaming like a maniac, when I landed on a bunch of white fluffy pillow and I turned out okay.

One of my lasts dreams I remembered was I had always lived with the Preston's. Born into their family, and had never met my dad.

I think that one was my favorite.

The weird thing was even though I was asleep; I could still hear people talking. I could understand them but I couldn't tell who was talking, or where they were.

One of the first things I remembered hearing was:

"Do you know why she would do this?" A calming voice.

"No," a sniffle, "she- she had an abusive father." Said a tired and stuffy voice.

"We found other scars on her arms, also-"

"What? What do you mean?" The voice was almost frantic now. "Like… she had done this before?"

"Yes, some troubled people who are mad, or depressed, had a hard life, or even stressed, in a way, take matters into their owns hands. They usually don't like to talk about their problems, so they find an outlet that helps relieve them of their difficulties, by, well, cutting."

"Are you saying Max would cut herself?" Demanding now.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying, Mrs. Preston. There are some things you can do- to help her. We have some pamphlets for you to read over, counseling is an option-"

"Max wouldn't that." The voice said, disbelieving.

"I'm afraid she did, Mrs. Preston."

"No, no, she- she wouldn't. She'd tell someone. She'd ask for help!"

"Maybe she wasn't comfortable asking for-"

"Are you saying she wouldn't want help? Are you saying she didn't feel _comfortable_ asking for help! You're saying this young fifteen- year- old girl, would hurt herself even more, after being hurt by her own father, because she wasn't _comfortable_ asking for help!" The voice was screaming.

"You're telling me she had enough pain, to hurt herself, but she wasn't strong enough to get help! This poor girl must have sat in her room crying her eyes out," The voice changed, like it had realized something. "Over everything, but she was too scared to ask for help... And I was too blind to see it… Oh god! How could I not see it?" The voice was desperate. "She didn't like talking about things but I had just assumed she just didn't want to talk about it, not that she was doing this! How could I not have seen it? I'm her mother and I didn't see it!" the voice choked.

"Mrs. Preston I'm going to go get your husband." The other voice said reassuringly.

Another conversation was:

"Hi, Max… She can hear me, right?"

"She sure can, sugar." A door closed.

"Hi, Max. I hope you can hear me. I hope you wake up soon. We all miss you so much. You can't believe how much I miss you. It's so lonely at the house without you…" A shuddered breath. "I miss my Little Talking Buddy. If- if you're scared to wake up, no one's mad; we're just worried about you. For you. I love you Max, please wake up real soon."

There were other's but one seemed to stick out.

"Hey, Max." Quite. "Wake up soon, okay? We all miss you... You missed Halloween. I didn't have anyone to egg houses with." A slight chuckle. "It's weird not seeing you in classes. I hope you wake up soon." Silence. A deep breath. "Max, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that, and if I could take it back I would, okay?" Nothing. "God! Max! Wake up! Wake up! Do something! Squeeze my hand! Move your fingers! Flinch! Do something! God, please Max! Just do something to let me know you're okay! Please!"

Those were most of the things I remembered. It was weird, it was like the only thing I could do was listen.

I didn't know what to do, how to move or open my eyes- if I could, I would have. It was I like I forgot how to. Or my muscles stopped working and I was stuck like this. I couldn't move.

One day, though I felt different. More attached, and awake- if it's possible to feel awake when you're asleep. Like I finally remembered how to feel my limbs the slightest bit, it all made sense. It all kind of clicked back together.

I could feel my limbs and my muscles- how sore they were. And I remembered how they worked.

I could feel my eyes and eye lids- it felt like they were glued together. I tried to open them. They stayed shut. And again. Nothing. I tried another time, nothing happened. I thought back to the times when I opened my eyes for the first time in the mornings. I tried to pry my eyes open, and for some reason, it felt like I had a good grip. It hurt like my eyes, like they were being pulled apart. I tried one last time and felt my eye lids pull apart. They opened.


	19. Chapter 19 Back to Reality

**Chapter 19**

**Back to Reality**

**ISuckAtUsernames- thank you! And no worries!**

**Oxlifexo- I agree, very weird.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

It was black at first, I couldn't see anything. I blinked trying to dismiss the darkness. Slowly, objects took shape in the dark, I blinked again and the color slowly filled in the shapes. At first the color was dull, but it grew into brighter colors.

I blinked a few times before taking in the scene.

I was laying in a bed, my head resting on flat pillow, I was covered in a thin, light blue, blanket, the upper part of the bed had railings on the side of it, from where I was, and not moving my head yet, I was looking at a white wall. There was a small, grey, table in the corner, it had water bottles, fast food bags, and a planted flower on top of it, and a matching chair was on the side, turned sideways like someone had been sitting in it. On the wall was a giant white board, with markers lying in a dish under it. And above the board was a small TV.

I also noticed a constant beeping sound.

I guessed I was in a hospital room. I tried to recall why I was here but the memory didn't come.

I slowly moved my head towards the side, my neck felt stiff and my head throbbed.

The wall next to my bed was white also. There was a brown lounge chair that had weird red, blue, and green squiggles on it.

Nudge was sitting in the chair. She had her legs curled up under her and her forehead was resting on the palms on her hands, her elbows were resting on her knees. She was slightly hunched over, like she was too tired or upset to hold herself properly. And her dark brown hair was pulled back into a frizzy ponytail.

A ponytail? Nudge hardly ever wears ponytails! Especially not in public.

I opened my mouth and tried to say, "Nudge," but nothing came out. It was like I couldn't find my voice. I tried again and no sound came out. I wondered why I couldn't talk.

I watched as Nudge sighed and shook her head. She shuddered slightly.

Was she crying? Why was she crying?

I tried to talk again at least make some noise to get her attention, but nothing came out.

Annoyed, I looked up at the ceiling. White, again.

How was I going to get her attention? Should I just wait 'til she looks up?

I glanced back at Nudge.

She sniffed, and moved her hand to wipe under her nose.

The front of her hair was even more and messy, it was coming out of her ponytail as well. Her eyes were trained on the floor, and I could see a slight purple/ grey- ish color under her eyes. Her face was smooth, but she looked extremely tired.

I tried to talk. Say anything! But still, no sound.

Nudge sniffled again and finally turned her gaze towards me.

I blinked.

Her eyes widened, and she gasped, her mouth dropped open.

"Max!" She cried excitedly, her "O" shaped mouth turned into a big smile.

She rushed over to bed- which was about two steps- and carefully wrapped her arms around me.

I shakily put my hand on her back.

She pulled back, her smile crinkling her eyes so much that they almost looked closed.

"I can't believe it," She said excitedly and pulled back into another hug. "How are you? How are you feeling?"

I wanted to say, "Stiff," but I couldn't so instead I attempted to shrug in her embrace.

A minute or two later she pulled back.

"I-I'll be right back, okay? I have to go tell the nurses. I'll be quick," She said earnestly.

She squeezed my hand and rushed out off the room, glancing over her shoulder as she left.

True to her word, she was back a minute later. Nudge hurried over to my bed.

She gently held my hand.

"They said, a nurse is on her way," Nudge explained. A nurse? Why was a nurse coming?

Nudge must have seen the confusion on my face. She squeezed my hand. "A nurse? She's coming to give you medicine and see how you're doing."

Why did a nurse need to check on me?

Just then, Cheyenne made a skidding stop at the door and rushed into the room.

Cheyenne looked extremely tired, and the only thing keep her awake was caffeine. She didn't look like she was about to fall over from exhausted though. Her face was pale and her nose was red, like she had been recently crying.

"Max?" Cheyenne said desperately, "They- they got me in the cafeteria, they said she was awake," Cheyenne explained to no one in particular.

Cheyenne darted to the other side of my bed and gently pulled me into a hug. She held me tight. She felt warm and comforting. When she pulled back though, she had a serious expression on.

"Don't you ever do that again," She said calmly and shook her head. Then she pulled me into another tight hug.

I heard fast footsteps and looked up. Ben and Gazzy were standing by the edge of my bed a smile, too, on their lips. "Hi Max," Ben said hopefully. He looked like he wanted to give me a hug but it knew would be best not to.

Gazzy ran to my side and wrapped me in a hug. "Max! How are feeling?" He pulled back. "You look pretty gross," He said jokingly.

"Zephry!" Both Cheyenne and Ben barked.

I smirked.

"How are you though?" Nudge asked a look of worry on her face.

"I'm not sure wants going on," I tried to say, but only my mouth moved and no sound came out. Annoyance flared in my chest.

A confused looked crossed Nudge's face. "What?" She asked.

I tried another time, but nothing sounded.

"Why isn't she talking?" Ben asked Cheyenne.

Cheyenne turned to Nudge, "Has she said anything sense she woke up?"

Nudge's eyebrows came together. "No. She hasn't said anything," She said in a confused tone. She looked at Cheyenne.

"Well, maybe, she just doesn't want to talk right now," Gazzy suggested.

Ben nodded.

Nudge was still holding my hand and gave a reassuring squeeze.

I wanted to ask what was going on, why was I here, why I couldn't talk, why couldn't I remember going to the hospital, if I'd been gone, how many days, and why was my all bandaged up and set in a brace?

"You remember who we are though, right?" Gazzy asked.

I nodded.

"Do you feel alright?" Ben wondered.

I shrug.

"Does anything hurt?" Nudge asked.

I shrugged again. Nothing really hurt exactly I was more stiff and numb.

I heard a door open and close. A plump nurse with brown hair walked in.

"I see you've woken up," She said brightly to me. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged.

She walked over to some machines next to me and checked a few of them.

"Everything looks okay." She said glancing at me and everyone else in the room.

She opened the bag to my IV drip. "I'm going to give you some medicine, that will you fall back asleep, okay?"

I shook my head, my eyes wide. I didn't want to go back to sleep, I wanted to know what the hell was going on!

"It'll be okay," the nurse reassured me, "you'll only be asleep for a few hours."

She took out a large syringe looking thing, and poked the tip of the plastic needle into a large plug in the IV bag.

I shook my head again; I didn't want to go to sleep.

After injecting a liquid into the IV bag, she pulled out the syringe and closed the plunge and turned towards me. "Sleep will help you feel better, okay Sweetie?" She said to me and glanced at the others and left the room.

I was determined not to fall back asleep. I wanted to find out what was going on.

I realized the others were quietly talking amongst themselves.

"Thank god, she's okay." Cheyenne said.

"Why are they making her go back asleep?" Nudge demanded, "She doesn't want to."

My eye lids felt heavy. I didn't want to go back to sleep!

Why wouldn't anyone tell me what was going on?

My thoughts began to lose focus and my eyes closed.

My head felt heavy and I started to notice how sore my body felt. Then the nothing I had been living in for god knows how long came back, and I was gone from reality.


	20. Chapter 20 Not Too Late

**Chapter 20**

**Not Too Late**

**Sendicard- Awesome! I wish I could read lips. True, but from the blood loss, it made her kind of forget the past few hours. And thank you, I try my best to make a little break in between chapters.**

**Stark's ginger love- I try to!**

**Ellenpaige- Thank you!**

**I'm very sorry that it took so long to update, a friend of my passed away this week and I stopped writing for a few days, I'm sorry again, please don't hate me! And thank you so much for reading and reviewing!**

**Fang's POV**

The bell rang, dismissing fourth hour. I walked behind the flow of people out into the hallway. As soon as I was out there, I whipped out my cell phone.

I opened it and a pop up on my screen read, "One missed call." It was from Nudge.

I quietly dialed her number and waited for her to answer, expecting the worst.

On the fifth ring, she answered, "Fang!"

"What happened?" I demanded.

"She woke up!"

"She woke up?" I said, stunned.

"Yeah! She woke up and I was the only one in the room with her and I went and told a nurse that she woke up, then Mom came into the room, and Dad and Gazzy, and that's when we noticed she wasn't talking and we were all wondering why she wasn't talking, but of course she couldn't answer and then a nurse came in and gave her medicine that made her fall back asleep."

I quickly started walking toward the exit, "Why isn't she talking?"

"Were not sure yet. They say she just might not want to talk, or she could be traumatized, or forgot how to talk- she lost a lot of blood, were not really sure."

"Will she be able to talk again?"

"Most likely."

"I'll be there soon," I said as I reached my car. "Bye." I hung up.

* * *

I entered the hospital room. Max lay asleep in a bed, her tangled hair spread behind her, her face pale, her chest rose and fell as she breathed. Her hand, resting on top of the blanket, twitched.

"Hey, Fang," Gazzy said. He was sitting in a lounge chair.

"Hey, Gazzer," I replied walking over to the bed. "Where is everyone?"

"The cafeteria."

"Do you want to head over, too? I can stay with her. I'll be here for awhile."

Gazzy stood up, "Sure, thanks, Man." He stood up and left.

I gently took Max's curled up hand into mine. I had came here and visited before- she had been unconscious for four days. She had looked a lot worse then paler and more waxy looking, like a wax figure. It made her look smaller somehow, more vulnerable.

I remember getting the call forty minutes after the fight Max and I had. I had no clue what was happening right then, but Cheyenne was pretty pissed.

"What did you do, Fang?" Cheyenne demanded in a cold voice, into the phone.

"What are you talking about?" I said, thinking Max had told her the past day's events.

"What. Happened." She said her voice sounding like it came from clenched teeth.

"Could you be little more specific, Cheyenne?" I said, making sure my voice stayed calm.

"Why was Max like," she paused and skipped a word, "when we found her?" Her words still clenched.

"What? Like what? Is she okay?" My voice quickened, was Max hurt? What happened?

Cheyenne scoffed, "You really don't know what I'm talking about!"

"No, can you please tell me what happened to her?"

"_When we got her bedroom door unlocked she was laying on the floor, _bleeding, _with a _blade, _next to her_."

My stomach clenched and I felt dizzy. "What? Is she okay? Where is she? Is- is,"

"She's at the _hospital_," Anger still shook Cheyenne's voice, she didn't believe me.

"Where was the bleeding coming from?" I said, running down the stairs, my mom screaming at me not to run on the stairs, then 'Where was I going, young man? Get back here!'

"Her arm had two vertical cuts along the vein."

Fear consumed my body. Horizontal cuts- which Max normally did- didn't bleed as much and weren't as dangerous- usually- as veridical cuts, vertical cuts bleed more, a lot more, and didn't clot up as quickly.

"Is she okay?"

"No."  
"What are they doing to her?"

"Sewing her arm back. She hit a tendon."

"Is her arm okay?"

"We don't know. I have to go, bye, Fang." She mumbled, sounding annoyed and worried.

She hung up. Right after, I immediately called Nudge to find out more details and told her I was on my way. I also told her what had happened today including the kiss and fight. And how Max used to cut and how I helped her, and I probably shouldn't have, but I wanted her to known the whole picture and see want she thought I should do.

We decided it'd be best to tell Cheyenne and Ben about the fight and school and everything in between, but not about the cutting.

As I look back, I probably should've told them Max cut, but they found out anyway though.

I looked down at Max still asleep and breathing deeply. Her hand twitched in mine.

Max's POV

I think my eyes opened before I was really awake because instead of seeing blank, nothing, when I woke up, I was staring at the white board wall again.

I blinked a few times making my eyes go into focus.

I glanced over at the chair to see who was in here with me. Fang occupied the chair. His eyes watching the foot of the bed. He glanced up and his eyes meet mine, his widened.

Excitement dawned on me and made my chest feel warm and clenched. I felt really happy to see him. His face, that he was okay, the he was _here _with _me_! I wanted to hug him and hear him talk, tell me what's going on , maybe.

I looked into his eyes. Then something clicked, like gears finally turning again, and anger bubbled up in my chest. I wasn't sure where it came from, but it made all the excitement vanish away. That's when everything came back. The fight. Cutting myself. The door being locked. The screams of terror. All of it was back. I glanced down at my arm. It was set in a brace- like contraption. Gaze stuck out of the thumb hole. My arm felt numb and I didn't dare try to move it.

I looked up at Fang. He was standing up and hurrying over to my bed.

"Max," He said, like he couldn't believe it. He reached my bed and looked down at me.

I glared up at him, my eyes narrowed as the words '_That's not how it looked on Friday night,' _rang through my head.

He noticed and miss read my exception, "Are you hurt? Should I go get a nurse," he said quickly.

When my gaze didn't falter his expression turned to confusion. "What's wrong?" He said gently, and slowly reached down for my hand.

I pulled my hand back. I didn't want him to touch me. To comfort me, I didn't need to be comforted by _him_, at least not anymore.

I glared up at him, wondering if he even remembered the fight. And why hasn't he apologized? Did he feel he had nothing to say sorry for? He sure as hell did!

Did he not want to apologize? Just try and forget it?

I wasn't sure if I was over reacting but I couldn't just forget what he had said. Just like I couldn't forget some things my dad had said to me.

I felt like scoffing, he was right, he had been right all along, I was just a stupid, ugly, bitch, who was useless and costed more than I was worth.

Fang dropped his reaching hand and glanced at me, his face expressionless, but his eyes filled with emotion. They reminded me of a storm. Dark and filled with sorrow, lighting flashing representing wishes that he could take it back, change what had happened, thunder booming and screaming at me for being so stupid and for doing this, wind howling and whistling trying to take down the problem, find a solution but can't, and rain, the reason a storm forms, to wash away the hurt the pain.

I guess that's why I've always liked when it rains so much.

Fang nodded a little, like he was silently agreeing to something.

He looked at me, his sad eyes hardened hiding the emotions. "Max, listen, about the fight. I'm sorry for what I said, I was stupid, and shouldn't have said it." He took a deep breath but looked uncomfortable, "I don't feel that way, that when you need help that it's a chore. I want to help you Max, I would never want you to hurt yourself like you did. If I could take back what I said, I would, as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. I hate myself for saying that, and I wish I hadn't. I wasn't thinking that at all, it was just like you were yelling at me and it hurt and I guess I wanted to say something that would hurt you back." He scratched the back of his head looking nervous. "If it's not too late, I'm sorry."

I looked into Fang's eyes. They weren't stormy anymore, just hoping that I'd be believe him- believe the truth.

I felt a smile form as I mouthed, "It's not too late."


	21. Chapter 21 My Bag of Secrets

**Chapter 21**

**My Bag of Secrets**

**Anne Taylor- Thank you for understanding, and you'll see!**

**Oxlifexo- Thank you, I wasn't sure at first if it was too cheesy or if people would like it or not. I'm glad you did though!**

**Luv it123- Thank you! And thanks for understanding.**

**Nikki Lakes- Oh it's a song too? I didn't that. Awesome! Yes, were all doing okay, thank you.**

**Sendicard- He was just sort of shocked at first.**

**Yeah! An update! Thank you all so so much for reading and for reviewing.**

And five days later, they released me. I found out Cheyenne had signed me up to start seeing a counselor. Great. Not that I have anything against counselors, I just prefer that I didn't have to go to one.

Fang hung out with me a lot at the hospital, he missed four days of school and his mom was pissed. She grounded him -which he ignored- and got his phone taken away- he didn't really seem to care- and got into plenty of fights with her. He didn't seem to care at all though, he just wanted to stay with me, make sure I was okay.

And I am doing okay I guess, I can't move my fingers on my left hand, but the doctors say I should be able to regain use of it through physical therapy.

Nudge stayed with me a lot too. She went to school two days to take some tests and get caught up, but besides that she's be here.

I'm dreading school. All the make up work. And I'm not sure what people will do. I doubt they know, but some how they may have found out. And the whole Abby thing, has that burnt out or is everyone still talking about it?

The thoughts came and made sense, but I didn't really care what might happen, my thoughts held no fear. I mean, big whoop if they think I'm some crazy chick. Maybe I am. Who knows?

One of the days Nudge had gone to school, Fang and I had gone for a walk. I was so tired of being he hospital room and just wanted to leave, go somewhere and move around.

Fang and I were walking down the sidewalk it was cold and there was still snow on the ground, but the sun was streaming in through the bare branches of the trees making the world seem happier somehow.

Fang was walking close to me, our legs occasionally brushing. I think he still feels sorry, even though I forgave him. I bet he thinks it was all his fault I wound up here, and I may have thought that at first too but I thought it over (boy, did I have time to think in here) and really it wasn't his fault. He might be able to take a little of the blame but Ben and Abby and Dad and the letter and school and just everything was built up, and it just kind of exploded in my face and I did the only thing I knew how to handle the pain by.

So I felt Fang was staying with me and staying _close _by me was another way for him to apologize.

Anyway, Ben and Cheyenne haven't said anything about the incident directly to me or talked about Ben blowing up, but I have a feeling when we get back to the house, three of us are to have a long conversation. More like two of them I mean. I haven't talked since I woke up in the hospital. I'm pretty sure if I tried to talk I could, but I like not talking. People can only ask yes or no questions, straight to the point. And it's just feels better that way for me, I mean. I wondered why I haven't tried not talk before. To my dad maybe it could've helped, but I also could have gotten beat for not answering him.

But back to Ben, he's kept his dissentiences in the hospital and hasn't said much to me. I guess it's okay for now, but how long will it last?

So here we are, about two minutes away from home. I didn't want to listen to anyone, just go to my bed and curl up with Rodger and fall asleep. I hadn't seen him in about ten days and I missed him terribly.

Cheyenne pulled into the snowy driveway and parked the car.

"We're here," she announced.

Everyone climbed out of the car Nudge right next to me, a bag of my stuff slung across her shoulder, her arms out stretched as if I might fall.

We went into the house and Total scampered up to the door, barking. He wagged his tail when we saw us.

Cheyenne gave me a tight hug, "I'm so very glad you're home, Max. Please don't ever do anything like that again." She whispered.

When she let go, Nudge took her place, then Gazzy.

Ben also stepped forward and wrapping me in a hug. I felt my body stiffen and stood there awkwardly.

Ben stepped back and cleared his throat, "Max, could Cheyenne and I have a word with you upstairs?" I nodded and Nudge shot me a worried look.

As I went up the stairs, the railing felt comforting and the same. The same railing I had touched thousands of times before.

As I reached the top step, I heard Cheyenne hiss at Ben, "She just got home! We should let her settle in before we talk with her."

I entered my room and went straight to my bed, kicking my sneakers off. I curled up in a ball and brought Rodger to my chest burring my face in his soft head.

A few minutes later there was a knock on my door. I quickly sat up and held Rodger tight in my hands.

Ben and Cheyenne entered.

My fear spiked. How was this conversation going to go? Where they going to ask about my cutting? About Dad? Was it going to get emotional?

"Hi, Max," Cheyenne said. She came and sat next to me on the bed, her had resting on my leg.

Ben stood in front of us.

"I'm so glad you're okay Max," Cheyenne started, "If anything had happened…" She shook her head.

"On that day, Max, Nudge told us what that girl Abby had said to you. And Fang also told us the same thing later. When the principal called and told me what happened, she must have not heard the whole story. She just told me you beat up some girl. And when I got home I just couldn't believe that you would do that. I'm sorry for blowing up like that and not listening to what you had to say. I shouldn't have done that and I never want to see you look so afraid of me again. I'm sorry."

I nodded.

"You forgive me?" He said, surprised.

I nodded again.

"Fang also told us he came up here and you guys had a fight that was what all the screaming was, and he thought the fight might've been what maybe you…" Cheyenne trailed off.

I just looked at the floor not wanting to talk about this. I brought Rodger closer to my chest.

"The doctors told us you had done it other times too. A lot." She sounded upset, I didn't look up though.

"When did you start cutting?" Ben asked, bluntly.

I shrugged.

"Here?"

I shook my head.

"Your dad's?"

I shook my head.

They were quiet when Cheyenne offered, "The transfer house?"

I nodded once, not wanting to make much movement.

"Did you start cutting because of Edgar?" Ben asked.

The use of his name made me gasp, everyone just called him, "your dad". The name shocked me and I felt my eyes widen, "Yes," I whispered almost ineligibly.

I heard Ben and Cheyenne gasp in return of the use of my voice. Cheyenne rubbed my leg reassuringly, but the questioning continued.

I told them some things about my mom how she had given me Rodger. How my grandma had left. How my dad used to be nice. I even told them I was only ten when my dad started raping me. They may have already known this but it was different when I told them, like I was admitting to it.

Of course I hadn't just open my bag of secrets and spilled them all out onto the table, they had asked first but, I still wasn't comfortable talking about them, though.

When they left, they asked if I wanted to come downstairs and eat dinner. I had said no, blaming it on fatigue.

After they left I sat curled up in a ball clutching Rodger. I felt broken. Talking about everything had summoned up fears I wasn't ready to feel right now. It was coming in waves all the despair and sadness. I couldn't take it.

I craved for the sharpness of a blame. The shiny glint. The sweet pain it brought making everything go away. But I couldn't move it was like I was detached from my body.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep in the pit of my despair because when I woke up, tears were streaming and images from my dream were still flashing through my brain. I sat up and opened my nightstand and tried to find the blade. It wasn't there. I turned my lamp on and searched through the drawer for my sweet relief.


	22. Chapter 22 Home Sweet Home

**Chapter 22**

**Home Sweet Home**

**NightWrighter511- I didn't even think of that!**

**McKenna- Thank you! I updated kind of fast! Yeah!**

**Cena-Centric333- Sorry, it might end soon though!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Fang's POV**

"I told you she was crazy," Mom said for the twentieth time tonight.

Angel let out an annoyed sigh.

"Mom. You don't get the big picture." Iggy was getting pissed at Mom too for always making fun of Max.

"She tried to kill herself! I don't need to know the full picture to know she's crazy."

"Mom, you _know _what she used to go through everyday. We've told you," I said.

"You. I don't want any lip from _you_. And those are just excuses!"

"No, they're exceptions," I replied.

"No, exceptions are things you get when you're accepted into a college."

"Mom, that's an acceptance! _Exceptions _are things that are different then the standards. Like you wouldn't _except _a kid in a wheelchair to run a mile."

"Don't you contradicted me! It's an excuse!" I knew she was just loving this. Making fun of a girl for the things that had happened to her and the things she did.

I sighed and shook my head. I stood up and walked to my room, laying down on my bed.

Good thing Dad wasn't here. Mom would try to get him to side with her, Dad would ignore her, Mom would scream, and Dad would drink. They didn't show it in public, but there relationship was falling apart. I'm sure the "business trips" Dad goes on every other week is just to escape her. If I was Dad, I'd want to escape too.

My thoughts turned towards Max. I didn't see her today, the day she got out of the _hospital_, Mom somehow managed to keep me in the house all day. I had found my hidden cell phone and tried to call her, but she didn't answer. Of course she didn't answer. She can't talk! What I would do to just talk to her. To hear her voice, I don't care if she yelled and screamed at me, as long as I could hear her voice. And to know the rage was directed at someone besides herself.

I glanced at my alarm clock. It was about eleven PM.

I wanted to go over to Max's house and pull her into my arms. That time we fell asleep together was so incredibly weird and amazing. I didn't even know I fell asleep! How could I sleep next to that amazing girl and not even realize it?

I sighed. I just wanted to talk to her, here from _her _why she did it, see if she was feeling okay.

Max's POV

I felt myself start to panic. Where was it? It wasn't here! Who took it? Did Cheyenne find it and take it?

I sat back on my bed, my eyes wide and I was breathing heavily. I… I could go down stairs and get another blade… a knife! But I couldn't risk getting caught! Damnit!

I glanced around my room. My eyes seized a paper clip. Could it cut? Was it sharp enough?

I stumbled to my desk then back to my bed. I sat on the floor and put a few tissues under my leg. I couldn't risk someone finding the cuts on my wrist.

I frantically unwound the paperclip. I pulled my right leg up so it was at an obtuse angle.

My dads face flashed through my mind as I inserted the paper clip in a vein in the back of my leg by my the bend of my knee. I inhaled as the incredible pain shot through me. I couldn't make it a deep cut but I slowly pulled the paper clip back and froth, side to side. Red seeped out and it felt amazing. I inhaled and let it go. The pain warded away the voices and images. They were replaced by a stinging feeling and the bright red color.

The four days came and went. I stayed in my room most of the time. Fang came and visited me and was happy to see I could take again. Nudge told me about Josh while I listened and nodded. Gazzy convinced me to come downstairs and play video games with him a few times. Cheyenne and Ben would come up and talk with me a lot, but they let me have my space. And Angel and Iggy came and visited too. Over the days I got caught up on my make up work, and when Monday rolled around, arm in brace, work in my bag, frown on my face, I was off to school.


	23. Chapter 23 To School! Away!

**Chapter 23**

**To School! Away!**

**LizzyInuyashaGoth- Thank you! And I'll try my best to make longer chapters!**

**Peanutbuttermonster- She had a tissue under her leg so she wouldn't get blood on the floor.**

**luv it123- A screwed up reality? Thank you, happy late Valentines day to you too!**

**McKenna- Thank you! Your reviews always make me smile. And there's some in this chapter!**

**MydnightWolf- Thank you! And there's some in this chapter!**

**Sendicard- I'm not really sure whenever I have some free time I start the chapter, I don't usally finish it on the same day though. And ssooonn.**

**Elise The Amazing- I agree Fang's Mom is a little off the deep end. Thank you! And yes very creative.**

"So, what's the difference between a brick and a redhead?" Iggy asked from the shotgun of the car.

Nudge groan, "Not another one. Those jokes are so stupid and mean! 'A brick gets laid' har, har, har. So funny! That can be very offensive, Iggy. I mean really, think about it! Red hair is very pretty. Especially with green! Like a green hair clip! Ooh! That'd be so cute!"

"You should tell Mr. Hyde that, Iggy," Fang muttered from the driving seat.

I glanced up for the first since entering the car, when I felt eyes on me. Fang's eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and seem to give me a reassuring smile.

I gave a weak smile back.

I looked back down, pulling the arm of my brown sweater down even more, trying to hind my brace as much as possible.

We were headed to school and I had know idea how to feel about it. Would it be a normal day? Would it be horrible? -And what is a meteor crashed into earth! I just wasn't going to think about it until we got there. I sighed, I just want to go curl of in my bed. Stupid school.

As if on cue, when I looked out the window, I saw the snow covered parking lot of my school.

Fang pulled into a spot.

"Here we are," He said meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror again. I nodded opening my door and stepping out.

I had always looked at the ground when I walked, out of habit, so it wasn't that different when I did it today. But on the bright side, always looking at the ground, you can find a lot of things coins, jewelry, folded up love notes that people had thought they had in a safe place, a lot of random stuff.

The bell rang and I mumbled a "bye" and started to head to science with Nudge. I looked back at Fang as we walked away. He was looking over his shoulder at me too.

Half of his mouth turned up in a smile. A goofy smile. A smile that made my stomach tighten. I didn't get that smile very often and was glad to be seeing it now.

I turned forward and kept pace with a rambling Nudge.

"I hope science is fun today. Wait! When is science ever fun. Not very often." She paused for a second and pulled my hand into her smooth and soft one. "I'm glad you're back. I missed you so much and couldn't stop worrying about you. I'm glad you're safe now and that you stopped." Her voice was sincere and caring her loving eyes met mine.

Stopped? Stopped what? Did she think I stopped cutting…? I nodded slightly and smiled, hoping the word LIAR wasn't written all over my face.

We entered science and I dropped my homework in the absent folder and went to my seat.

I hadn't looked at anyone since I entered the room and didn't know if I wanted to now. I let strands of hair cover my face before I looked up from my tan desk.

A group of clustered kids in the corner of the room were whispering and looking at me. A few kids by me had noticed my arm and I'm sure they would have asked about it, but since my first day at school, I had been the quiet loner. And giving off the 'leave me alone' vibes seemed to help. Nudge was sitting in her required seat, three seats in front of me and one over to the left, doodling in her notebook. A guy behind her read over her shoulder. She turned around and smirked, playfully hitting his arm. I flinched and looked back down. Aside from the ten or so people, hardly anyone was looking at me. A small smile formed on my lips. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

Science came and went and I headed to theatre. I wondered how it as going to go. I felt a little more confident after first hour.

I entered the room and glanced around as I went. Abby and her minions were giving me the look of death. A few boys snickered at my arm and I felt my face heat up with annoyance. But that was it. Nothing. I had expected things to be much worse than this. Something like everyone finding out I had been in the hospital and what for. Stares and glares from everyone, Abby threatening me to a fight, a bunch of teasing. I don't know. I did know now that my thoughts about today had been a bit exaggerated and relief flooded me.

I sat down next to Fang.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Hey," He replied, slowly pulling my hand into his under the table. He rubbed circles into the back of my hand.

I glanced at him, giving him a questioning look.

A small smile was playing on his lips.

I felt my face flush and tried to hide the fact by saying, "What're you doing?"

"Holding your hand," He said simply.

I felt my eye brows knit together, "Why?"

After the kiss Fang and I had, then everything else that happened, I kinda figured that we wouldn't be kissing or anything anymore. But I guessed I was wrong. The days I had spent in room I had thought about that day a lot. The kiss, how much I liked it and wanted to do it again. Then I'd tell myself that I shouldn't be thinking about, it wasn't going to happen again. But once you had a taste you'd want more. And it felt nice and well, _right_. I mean, I couldn't place it, but being in his arms him holding me, the way his warm lips felt. They weren't hungry, more of a comforting caring kind of kiss.

"What? You don't like it?" He said bluntly making my face redden even more.

Just then, the teacher called the class to attention, I jumped and Fang smirked squeezing my hand.

What could this mean? Did Fang still have feelings for me? Was I just reading into to it too much? Should I… Should I ask him? No, that'd be stupid of me to do. I guess I'd find out eventually.

The day passed and nothing happened. Stares and questioning looks, yes, confrontations? No. Probably the worst thing that happened was when the guys in 2nd hour laughed at me. But I was pretty happy, I felt weightless, nothing holding me down. After the days of feeling upset, and the hospital, and just everything changing, it felt incredibly good to get back to my old routine, walk the same sidewalks I had done thousands of times before. And on the plus side I hardly had any homework.

And Fang might've helped a little with my mood… he hadn't done anything else the other times I saw him, but him holding my hand still sent my heart aflutter.

So here I sat, in Fang's car, a huge grin planted on my face, feeling happy and giddy and wanting everyone else to feel as good as I did now.

We parked on the street between Fang's and the Preston's house. We all climbed out, our shoes crunched in the snow.

I was pulling my unzipped backpack onto my shoulder when my binder and all my folder spilled out. I sighed, squatting done to pick it up.

"You guys go ahead I've got it," I said, damp and messed up papers only slightly damaging my mood.

"You sure?" Nudge asked, shivering her nose red. She had liked the snow at first, now she hated it.

"Yeah." She and Iggy quickly scampered to our front door and went inside.

"I'll help you," Fang offered quickly piling the papers together. We had them all almost picked up when a gust of wind blew a paper above our heads and down the street.

Fang and I both quickly stood up and bolted after the paper, giggles escaping my lips as Fang jumped for the paper, catching it between two fingers.

"Thanks," I said as he handed it to me. I quickly put my papers into their correct folders and zipped my bag shut.

I stood up smiling. "Good catch," I said, looking into his eyes. They were dark and playful. A smile formed on his lips.

He gently held my hand again and my smile widen. I wasn't sure if I should say anything. What could I say that didn't sound like small talk? "Lovely weather"?

Fang saved me though when he said, "I'm so glad you're home," his breath making a steam cloud. And then he pressed his lips to mine. They were chapped and cold but they felt amazing against mine. I slowl wrapped my arms around his neck, afraid if I moved too fast I'd wake up and it'd all be a dream. My grip tightened and my eyes fluttered shut as I kissed back.

This kiss was definitely more hungry than the last. Hungry and reassuring not comforting and caring.

I held Fang closer and he kissed hard and it just felt so, so incredibly good. His hands were tangled in my hair, mine around his neck. As the kisses grew less hungry, I realized how tightly I had been holding Fang and how much I had been pressing my body against Fang's.

Whoa.


	24. Chapter 24 Happy High

**Chapter 24**

**Happy High**

**A Fishy In The Sea- You're on the right track!**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you, so, so much for reading and or reviewing!**

Fang pulled away for a few seconds and I inhale a breath feeling light headed and blissfully happy. In the next second his lips were back on mine, moving against my lips and I gasped wanting to lean forward, be closer to him.

That's when it hit me, the icy fear crawled up my spine, leaving cold trails in it's wake, rushing through my body.

I shouldn't be feeling this, feel _like this_, this wasn't good it was bad. I shouldn't be making sounds, this feeling has always been bad it shouldn't be _good _now! I had to stop. If I stopped this feeling would go away! Right?

I pulled back and to my relief he let me, he didn't hold me and make me stay there.

I was panting slightly, trying to dismiss this pathetic and overwhelming feeling of fear. There goes my happy high, I thought grumpily.

I hoped Fang didn't notice.

I felt Fang's eyes on me as I stared down at his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist, my hands gently holding his arms above his elbows (my right hand was at least, my left hand just rested against his arm). I shyly glanced up wondering what he was thinking, what he would say.

He gave me a smile, a big smile in Fang's case. It warmed my body making the rest of the fear vanish.

I gave him a small smile back, "We should probably head back," I suggested.

Fang nodded, talking my right hand and holding it in his. His hand was cold, I guess mine probably was too.

I wanted to say something, I wasn't sure what though. The silence wasn't awkward but I wanted to know what our little tête-à-tête meant.

I gently squeezed Fang's hand and blew out a breath, making a steam cloud.

He looked at and raised an eyebrow, "What's the matter?"

"You."

"Me?" He said questioning, his voice squeaking a little on the "E" making me smirk and giggled

"Yes, you."

"Why?"

"I don't know." I said slowly, "Well, for one you just kissed me and I have know idea what it means."

Fang matched my silence. I couldn't tell if he didn't want to talk about it, or he was embarrassed, or thinking it over, or thought it meant nothing and thought I knew that's all it meant too. Nothing. Yeah. What if he that's all he thinks of it? God, I was so stupid! I knew I shouldn't have asked him. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"What do you think it means?" He asked.

I glanced at him and shrugged, "What _does _it mean?"

"Well," he said quietly," I guess it means I kinda like you a lot," he met my eyes.

I smiled, feeling my cheeks tighten, "I kinda like you a lot' too."

Just then I realized we had passed the Preston's and now were two doors down.

"Oh, we passed the house," I said turning around.

Fang smiled and squeezed my hand, following my lead to the house.

We reached the house and we let go of each other's hand, a silent agreement not to say anything.

We walked in the house and found Nudge and Iggy playing Wii, Nudge doing a happy dance as Iggy grumbled and complained.

"What's going on?"

"I kicked Iggy's ass!" Nudge said shout, giggling then realizing she had cussed, slapped a hand over her mouth giggling even more.

"Whatever," Iggy said dropping down onto the couch.

Nudge glared, "Are we being a Mr. Grumpy Pants, Iggy?" she said as if she were talking to a dog or a baby.

Iggy rolled his eyes.

Throughout the week I kept finding myself thinking about the kiss. God it had felt so good, just being safe in his arms. His lips helped a lot too. I smiled. Here, Fang and I sat in my room on Friday night working on a Language Arts project and I just felt so happy. Welcome back happy high! My first week of school was complete, Fang was with me, and I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. We hadn't kissed since our second kiss on Monday and I wondered when our next kiss would be. I kinda wanted to kiss him right now, but it'd be weird just to randomly reach over and kiss him. And what if I messed up the kiss? What if I was a sloppy kisser like a drooly dog? Ew. Was I a bad kisser-

Focus Max.

Right.

"So when did she say our project is due again?" I asked Fang.

"In one week," He said reading our instruction.

"What should our topic be?"

"I'm not sure," he set down the paper, "we have to write a research paper about it and make a post board giving "visuals" and quotes or what the picture represents."

I glanced around my room try to get some ideas for a topic. Our teacher said our topic had to be about medical conditions.

I glanced back to Fang and sighed, resting my head on my hand, shifting slightly on my stomach.

I shrugged feeling annoyed that I couldn't think of an idea.

Fang pulled out a pencil and a notebook from his backpack. He scooted closer to me and flipped open to a blank page in his notes.

"We'll make a list. Any ideas?"

"Um… heart diseases, tumors, birth defects, muscular dystrophy?" I suggested.

Fang wrote what I offered and a few more ideas.

He glanced up at me and smirked.

"What?" I demanded.

He shook his head, "Nothing."

All rightly then.

"I can't wait for Thanksgiving break," I said changing the subject.

Fang nodded, "I can't wait to go skiing."

"What? You're going skiing?"

Fang swore under his breath, "Uh, yeah because it's suppose to snow… a lot… down here.."

"What're you talking about?"

He sighed, "It was supposed to be kind of a surprise but over break every year your family and mine go up to a ski lodge and spend like a week there."

I gasped, a ski lodge? Skiing! I've always wanted to ski! It'd be so much fun!

"Really?" I asked excitedly meeting Fang's eyes.

He nodded, "Yeah. We leave on Tuesday, the day we get off for break."

I felt so happy I wanted to do a little happy dance.

It made me feel like I belonged. Belonged here, with my family, with my friends, with _Fang. _

I smiled up at Fang, it was going to be great!

Then Fang leaned down and closed the dissentience between our lips.

Could this moment get anymore incredible? I believe not!


	25. Chapter 25 Road Trip!

**Chapter 25**

**Road Trip!**

**I do not now or ever will own Maximum Ride or any character.**

**Cena-Centric333- He is!**

**MySoulIsYoursTakeIt- Aw! That's exciting!**

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Thank you!**

So, on Tuesday after school, we left for the ski lodge.

Apparently another surprise for us (Nudge, Iggy, Gazzy, Angel, Fang, me) was they had rented a van so we could "all drive together!" Don't ask my how we got ten people, plus ten people's suit cases, and one very excited dog into the van but we managed.

I was excited to leave town, get away for awhile. School had been going good I guess, I was being left alone, Abby still gave me death glares but that doesn't really matter. Fang and I got a "B+" on research paper which I was pretty thrilled about, and when we got home from school that day I got a quick kiss from Fang! Were still keeping our relationship(?) secret and not even Nudge suspected anything was up. Life was going pretty well over all. And I hadn't touch a blade (or paper clip) since I first got home from the hospital. I was happy, really happy, I felt good and I liked it and hoped it stayed for awhile. No dads or moms or letters could screw with my life right now!

I smiled, this was nice. I couldn't wait to get to the lodge.

I glanced at Fang sitting next to me, he noticed and softy bumped his knee against mine. I smiled and felt warmth spread through me, when my face heated up I hoped no one had noticed.

Fang and I had gotten pretty close, taking whatever time we had to be in my room, or his, with the door closed and blamed it on our research project. I'm not sure what we'll say when get home, considering we turned our project in.

Anyway Fang and I had snuck in a lot of kisses behind that closed door. I was so happy to be with Fang, have him hold me. It was just nice. We hadn't talked about doing anything other than kissing and I sure didn't want to. At least not right now. I didn't want think about that… with Fang…

I shook my head and glanced at everyone, as if I had said everything aloud. Ben was driving, Cheyenne occupying shotgun, then there were two seats behind them where Fang's parents sat, then three seats behind them with Fang, me in the middle and Angel on the other side of me, with a sleeping Total in her lap. Lastly in the very back was Gazzy behind Fang, Nudge behind me, and Iggy behind Angel.

No one seemed to notice anything. Phew!

"How long 'til we get there?" Angel wonder.

"About two more hours," Nudge replied.

"I can't wait until we get there!" Iggy said and gave a cocky smile. "The ski instructors were so hot last year!"

"Yet not one of them gave you their number," Angel pointed out.

Iggy frowned annoyed.

"Poor Igs, not getting any," Gazzy said smirking.

"What do _you _know about 'getting any'?" Nudge demanded.

"I-"  
Ben cleared his throat from the front seat, "I'm not sure if you kids are aware of this," he looked into the rear view mirror and glanced at us, "but we can still hear you."

We all glanced at one another then looked straight ahead, trying not to look guilty.

About four minutes of silence pasted before Iggy started 'singing' -and I say singing very lightly- 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

Followed by a chorus of groaning and complaining.

"Iiiigggyy, shut, uupp," Angel whined.

"I can duct tape his mouth," Fang offered.

I smirked.

Nudge eventually got Iggy to shut up by shoving a Twinkie in his mouth, causing a round of snickers.

"Let's play a game," Mr. Wilson suggested.

More groans.

"C'mon, it'll be fun."

"Fine," Gazzy sighed.

"Okay, let's play license plate poker. You have to find signs, license plates, anything with words that're outside the car and go in ABC order. Like that car has an "A" on the plate.

"B," Angel pointed to a sign.

"C."

"D.'

"…E"

"And F!"

"There's G."

"H!"

"I, J, K, L, M."

"Where do you see that?" Nudge demanded.

Iggy was quiet, "Well… we past it."

"Liar! I call penalty!" Angel shouted.

"What's the penalty for cheaters?" Gazzy asked Mr. Wilson.

"Another Twinkie stuffed in his mouth?" Fang offered.

"No." Mr. Wilson chuckled, "He just has to walk lodge now. Or he can ride on the hood, like a deer."

"I wanna ride on the roof. Not the hood though, you'd get covered in dead bugs," Angel said.

"You'd get covered in bugs on the roof too," Fang pointed out.

"Oh."

"I think Iggy should hitch hike," I said.

"Why?" Iggy demanded.

"Because you cheated. Cheating is _not _aloud in this car, Iggy, you should know better," I fake scolded.

He shook his head.

"Are we close now?" Angel asked.

"About an hour and a half," Cheyenne answered.

Ben switched lanes and asked, "Who wants food? We should make a pit stop soon anyway."

"Will we make to the lodge before it gets dark?" Mrs. Wilson asked.

"Yeah, we have tons of time to spare," Ben said.

Ten minutes later we pulled into a fast food joint. We all piled out of the car.

"My legs are so stiff," Gazzy said, stumbling into Iggy, "Sorry."

"What should I do with Total?" Angel asked.

"Just carry him and keep him to your side, they won't care. He's a little dog and we'll only be in there for a minute," Cheyenne said.

We walked in and went to bathrooms.

I looked in the water splattered mirror as I washed my hands. My hair was frizzy and my eyes were sleepy, my cheeks were pink, making my dried lips more noticeable.

I turned to Nudge, "Do you have chap stick?" I asked.

She nodded and pulled a little tube out here pocket handing it to me, "Who ya wherein' it for?" She asked smiling and arched an eyebrow.

"Oh, no one. My lips are just chapped," I said trying to hide the blush as I applied the chap stick.

I handed it back to her and rubbed some cold water on my face trying to wake up.

We walked out, the guys were already in line, mumbling how girls 'take forever in the bathroom'. I rolled my eyes as Angel smirked and Nudge shook her head.

We ordered our food and went outside and sat at a picnic table, brushing snow off the benches.

"Have you ever gone skiing before, Max?" Mr. Wilson asked.

The answer was pretty obvious but I still appreciated his friendliness.

"No, I haven't but I've always wanted to. It looks so much fun," I said smiling.

"Then you'll have a blast this week! But you'll be so sore from all the skiing on the last day."

I nodded, "I bet. But it'll be worth it."

Total licked my leg and I looked down at him.

"Go away, you little begging dog."

Total sneezed on my leg, insulted, and trotted off.

I shook my head.

I ate my hamburger and fries, giving a few to Total. We talked and joked causing hollers and laughter it was fun, like a little preview of the week to come.

After our faces were all red from the cold we went to the car and hit the road.

* * *

I must've fallen asleep though, because I woke to someone saying, "Aw! That's so cute! Should I take a picture?"

I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked over at Fang feeling disoriented then a smiling Cheyenne. I then realized I had fallen asleep on a sleeping Fang's shoulder.

I rubbed my eyes, "Are we there?" I asked as Fang ran his hand through his dark hair.

Cheyenne nodded and pointed out the window to a building and I gasped.


	26. Chapter 26 Stuck

**Chapter 26**

**Stuck**

**NicoleTsukiyomi- It'd be kind of funny but sad if that happened.**

**Werevampluvr- From chapter 24, I'm sorry you found Iggy's joke offensive.**

**Fallatthedisco- Some surprises!**

It was beautiful. There was a short, gray, stone fence surround the building, except for an entrance that lead to a snow covered parking lot, it was two stories tall, decorated by wall widows with yellow light spilling through them, there were three large tan pillars, supporting the roof, and more stones climbed half way up the pillars, a wooden porch led to a tall brown door, and a wooden balcony stood above that. Pine trees were spotted all over and everything was covered in a layer of white snow.

I stared out the window in amazement.

"Whoa," I breathed.

"Isn't it awesome?" Angel trilled.

"Major understatement," Iggy said seriously.

Ben walked out of the lodge with room keys; he jogged to the car and opened the side door.

"Pile out everybody; we're going up to our rooms!"

Excited conversations started as we climbed out of the car and grabbed all of our luggage from the back of the car.

Total barked a couple times and sniffed the snow.

We all grabbed our bags and tromped through the snow to the lodge.

We enter a big room it was a common area, with wooden floors, walls, and ceilings, windows took up most of the walls except for one, that was occupied by a giant stone covered fireplace, stiff back couches and chairs dotted the room mostly by the fire place though. Animal heads decorated some walls, along with black and white photos, and ski gear. There was a polished desk by the front door with a lady standing behind it, the check in desk. Across from the fire place was a pair of French doors that seemed oddly out of place.

Fang pointed at them, "That's the dining area, and there's doors back there that lead to the mountains."

I nodded.

I followed every one as we hiked up carpeted stairs.

They led to three different hallways, making an upside down 'T' one straight to left another straight to the right, and then one in the middle. We went to the left hall.

We stopped at the first door.

Cheyenne slid the key card in and the door made a 'click' as it unlocked. Cheyenne stepped and we all followed.

Someone flicked lights on and I looked around. We were in a hardwood floor hallway that branched off to a full sized kitchen with high counters and bar stools. Pots and pans hung above the stove.

We walked further in and stepped on a tan shaggy carpeted room. Black leather couches stood in front of a TV with a stone fire place to the side, arcadia doors led to a balcony, and a medium sized table sat next to the kitchen.

Three doors each decorated the east and west walls, six doors in all.

I realized then everyone had been talking and I had tuned it out as I looked around.

"We need to pick rooms," Mrs. Wilson said, trying to quiet the chatter, which didn't really work.

I glanced up at Fang and smiled. "This place is amazing. I love it."

He mirrored my smile.

In the end, bed arrangements went, Mrs. And Mr. Wilson shared a room and Ben and Cheyenne shared and Angel and Gazzy shared a room on the east side of the room.

Then on the west was Nudge and I, a bathroom (there were three other bathrooms, one in Ben's room, one in Mrs. Wilson's and one I hadn't noticed in the hallway) then Fang and Iggy's room.

Nudge and I were in our room, unpacking as Total slept on my single bed.

"Hi, smelly boy," I said to Total who flicked one eye open. I smirked.

"This place is so cool!" Nudge exclaimed, "I love coming here!"

"It's so pretty and spacious," I agreed, "This week is going to be so much fun."

"Totally!"

Our door suddenly banged open.

"I hope you guys aren't naked! Wait, on second thought, I take that back." Iggy said as he and Fang strode in.

Nudge and I shared an annoyed look.

"Don't feel like knocking or anything," Nudge said sarcastically.

Iggy rolled his eyes.

"Were getting food soon," Fang said looking at me.

"Okay," I stood up and brushed past Fang into the family room. Doors were open as conversations flowed out.

I sat on a couch and Fang followed.

After a quick glance around, he took my hand in his.

"I can't wait to go skiing," I said.

"And to watch Iggy fall on his face," he added.

I smiled and wistfully said, "I'm so glad to be here." without fully thinking it through.

He squeezed my hand in agreement fully understanding what I said. I was glad to be _here _with _them _and away from _him_.

"I'm glad I'm with you too," I whispered.

The corner of his lip twitched into a half smile, "I have so much I want to show you while were here, how to ski, the amazing food, a _real _snowball fight."

I squeezed his hand and quickly leaned in for a kiss, he meant my lips and as soon as they touched, we broke apart.

I felt so happy. I didn't know it was even possible to feel like this. In a way it was like I had gotten theoretically tangled in something, something good and I was stuck in it, instead of being tangled in dark and gloom.

I hoped I stayed stuck like this for awhile.

**I have a quick question but read at your own risk though.**

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**Lemons? Or no lemons?**


	27. Chapter 27 Skiing

**Chapter 27**

**Skiing**

**Luv it123- Yes you were the first person to review.**

**McKenna- Thank you!**

**Sendicard- Your review just made me laugh and Iggy stayed in the bedroom, talking to Nudge when Max and Fang went into the living room.**

**XTheBlondex- This chapter is longer! Over 3,000 words!**

**MydnightWolf- Your review made me laugh, too.**

**- Thank you!**

**LizzyInuyashaGoth- No problem! Glad you liked it!**

**And wow! Thank you so much for RnR-ing. Oh and I've never gone skiing before so if I mess up the skiing please don't be mad!**

I stood in the kitchen, next to Cheyenne, attempting to help make breakfast.

"Okay, crack the eggs into the bowl and stir the batter," Cheyenne said handing me a whisk.

"Alright," I nodded.

"So, after breakfast we'll go over to the mountain and meet our ski instructor and she'll show you how to ski and give you some tips. Then we'll take the ski lift to the mountain top and ski down," she said told me.

"Okay, that sounds easy enough," I cracked a brown egg against the bowl. The shell split and the egg dropped into the blue mixing bowl, along with a couple pieces of shell. I glanced up at Cheyenne, she didn't seem to notice. I quickly stirred the batter, a few pieces of shell wouldn't hurt.

"Skiing might be difficult at first," Cheyenne said grabbing a new jar of cream cheese out of the fridge, last night we had gone grocery shopping and gotten enough food to feed a small village. "and you might be sore afterwards, but after some practice you'll be a pro. Over all though, it'll be a lot of fun!"

"I'm already having fun," I said smiling, "I'm excited to try skiing though. It looks difficult. I hope I don't fall too much."

"Oh, don't worry about falling, if you do fall you'll just have to get right back up and try again."

I nodded, "I'll try to."

She took the bowl and poured the pancake batter into a pan. "In a minute or two you can flip it."

"Okay."

Angel walked into the kitchen smiling as she walked over to me.

"What're you cooking?"

"Pancakes."

She peered into the bowl that I had been stirring the batter in. Her eyebrows came together as she said, "It doesn't look right."

"What? Why doesn't it look right?"

"Well, for one there's an eggshell in it."

"Oh."

After breakfast and Iggy's refusal to eat my pancakes, we dropped Total off at a doggy daycare the hotel housed, and headed over to the mountain. Everyone was dressed in bulky snow suits and carrying their skiing supplies.

"Okay," Mrs. Wilson said, "the ski instructors should be right over there." she pointed over to the bottom of the trail, where people were walking up the trails to get to the ski lifts.

"I don't see the instructors," Angel muttered.

"Just pretend you do," Iggy whispered, "just nod and smile."

Angel gave a fake smile and nodded her head mechanically.

Nudge rolled her eyes.

"They're probably at the top of the hill already," Mr. Wilson suggested reassuringly.

"Well the hotel workers said they'd be here."

"Why don't we just go to the top and see if they're there?"

"_Because _if they're not there how will we get back down? _Some _people don't how to ski." she said pointedly.

"Well, we can help her get down. This is the easy hill, I don't think we'll need an instructor anyway." I instantly felt guilty, like if I weren't here there would be know problem, no fighting. I bit my lip, wanting to say I'd be fine I didn't need help from the instructors, but something told me to keep my mouth shut.

"We just need to _wait _for the instructors."

Mr. Wilson sighed, "Alright."

Ten minutes passed with no instructors.

"Maybe we should ask someone," Cheyenne suggested.

"Lets just go to the top and if they're not there, then we'll just teach Max what she needs to know on our own." Ben said.

"That's fine, I doubt it'll be too hard," I said.

Mrs. Wilson sighed giving Ben, Mr. Wilson, and I the stink eye.

"Lets go," Cheyenne said, glancing at her watch tucked under her sleeve, "we need to get a move on if we want to get any skiing in."

We walked up a trail that branched off to three separate trails, we went to the right trail and walked over to the ski lift. We quickly strapped into our skis, holding pylons, and goggles resting on foreheads.

The line for the ski lift was short, only four people deep. Fang and I were the last ones in line, but a minute later I was standing in the muddy snow as a bench came forward and pressed into the back of my thighs. I sat down just like Fang had told me to.

"You okay?" Fang asked as he adjusted in his seat.

The ski lift spluttered as our feet lifted off the ground.

I glanced up nervously at the wire supporting us.

"Yeah, I'm fine. The ski lift won't break or anything, right?"

"It might bounce a little but I doubt it'll break."

I looked back at the wire then down at the ground. We weren't that high, I noticed as we were lifted up the pretty white mountain, but if we were to jump off at this point it'd probably do some damage.

I quickly took Fang's hand in mine, holding the pylons in the other.

"Are you ready to ski?" he asked.

"Yeah, it looks strange though."

"It takes some practice."

"I don't think your mom likes me very much," I stated changing the subject. I wasn't upset that she didn't like me, I just wanted to know what Fang thought.

"Why do you think that?"

"Just like the way she acts and talks to me. I get a weird vide from her."

"Mom has some problems…" he said, then tried again, "Mom doesn't…. Mom has issues… I don't think she likes you very much either," he said honestly as the lift shuttered.

I smirked, I couldn't help it. Was I supposed to feel offended? I thought it was funny. "She's going to be pissed when she finds out about us… There _is _an 'us' right?"

"Do you think there's an 'us'?"

"That's why I asked you."

"I think there is."

"So… we're more than friends?" I asked slowly, suddenly feeling like I was a little girl in the 4th grade admitting to a boy that she 'like-liked' him.

I glanced at Fang and instantly regretted saying anything from the amused look on his face.

I couldn't believe I just asked him that. Bad, very bad idea.

As an answer though, his lips met mine. My first thought was I hoped no one saw us, my second was oh my go I was kissing Fang, on a ski lift, and it was incredible, and I never wanted this to stop, and my third was the loud creaking sound above us and the shuttered that shook the entire ski lift.

I gasped and pulled back.

Good thing too, because we were pulling up to the top and would have to jump off in a minute.

I gave Fang an apologetic smile.

He squeezed my hand, then let go.

"Okay, try your best to stay balanced, push off the bench, bend your knees as you go down and when you land stand up straight. Then we're going to walk over to the edge of the hill."

"Right," I said slowly, "I'll just focus on not falling."  
"That works too. Okay… here we go, jump!"

I pushed off and dropped to the ground, I thought I was doing okay when I started to lose my balance and stumbled forward, which in skis is difficult to do, but I thankfully caught myself and got out of the way of the on coming ski lift before one scooped me back up.

"You okay?" Fang asked, on the over side of the lift.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Good. Now we just need to walk over there," he pointed to the edge of the hill where the others were waiting.

"Okay."

I lifted up my right foot then my left stomping over to the others, trying not to fall. Walking in skis was difficult, you had to lift you leg up high and stomp forward, taking big steps. I hoped skiing was easier than this.

We caught up to the others who looked excitedly down the small slope.

"You ready to ski?" Mr. Wilson asked me.

I nodded, "I think so."

"This hill is easy so you shouldn't have too much trouble. Now, if you want to turn to the left, turn your foot like this and lean to the left," he said lifting up the right side of his left foot. "if you want to turn to the right turn your foot this way and lean to the right," he lifted the left side of his right foot. "and to go faster lean forward a little, but you won't be able to pick up much speed on this hill."

I nodded, trying to memorize everything he had said, "How do I stop?"

"Use your pylons to slow down and slowly cross your skis like this." he formed and upside down 'V'.

"That sounds… easy." I said trying to hide my confusion.

"You got it?"

I nodded.

Fang waddled up to me.

"You ready?"

"Yeah."

"I bet I can beat you," Nudge sang to Iggy as she pushed off and slid down the hill.

Iggy followed, slowly catching up to Nudge but not before Nudge reached the bottom, betting him.

"Lets go," Fang said smiling at me as he pushed off with his pylons.

Following his lead, I pushed myself forward with the pylons, making sure to hold on tight so they wouldn't get left behind in the snow.

I slowly slid forward down the hill, using the pylons to keep pushing myself slowly forward. I tried rotating my feet to see if I could turn like Mr. Wilson had said and the next thing I knew I was on my butt the cold snow pressed against me.

I smirked and laughed a little, I had just fallen, on the easy hill. I wondered how this week was going to turn out.

Fang quickly stopped, "Are you okay?" he asked, since the hill didn't have a steep slope he was able to turn around and stomped over to me.

Still laughing I said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

He reached a hand down, both his pylons in the other hand, as he helped pull me to my feet.

"Can you ski down?"

I snorted, "Fang I'm fine, I just fell, I didn't break a bone."

He smile as the others - who must have pasted us skiing down the hill- called up, "Are you okay, Max?"  
"Fine," I called back. "Okay I don't think I'm going to turn again for awhile."

He nodded, "You should probably try to see how well you can ski before you try to turn."

I nodded and using the pylons, I pushed forward. I slide further down the hill, and trying to regain some dignity leaned forward trying to pick up some pace.

Shocking myself I slid faster and surprisingly kept my balance, I caught up to Fang, who was trying to go slow to keep my pace.

I slid up to him and began to laugh as I passed him.

I ended up with a mouth full of snow when I hit the ground again.

Shit.

I pushed myself back up, spiting snow, before Fang had a chance to react.

Determination made me push myself forward again, I definitely wasn't going to give up.

I pushed forward, crouched down, and somehow managed to get down the rest of the hill without falling.

I felt like I was on top of the world.

"Good job!" Nudge said smiling.

"Yeah good job falling," Gazzy mumbled earning a quick slap over the back of the head from a smiling Cheyenne.

I smirked even as a flash reminded me how many times that had happened to me before.

"I'm surprised Iggy didn't fall," Mr. Wilson said, chuckling.

"He probably will before the trip is over."

"Hey!" Iggy said.

"Are you ready to try again?" Fang asked close to my ear. I got goose bumps and tingles. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

"Yeah. But you guys can go on the other hills if you want to."

"Are sure, Max?" Nudge said, worry filling her eyes.

I nodded, "Yeah I don't want to hold you guys back, I'm probably going to be on this hill all day."

"Okay," Cheyenne said, "we'll meet back at the hotel at two. Every got there room keys?"

We nodded.

"Okay."  
Everyone began to disperse, Cheyenne pecked my head, Ben gave me a quick good luck hug, and Nudge said she'd be back after she bet Iggy again in a few races, I was left with Fang.

I smiled at him, "You sure you don't want to go with the others? I'd be fine on my own," I said hoping he'd say he'd want to stay.

"And miss a chance to ski down the bunny hill?"

I smirked and shook my head.

"You ready to try again?"  
I nodded and took his hand as we tromped back over to the ski lift.

So we took the lift back up and I tried to ski down again. I fell three times this try, and once I fell into Fang's back, bringing him down with me. Lets just say I couldn't hide my blush and my giggles. My third time I managed to ski down and not fall! Then my fourth time Fang and I raced each other and I surprisingly beat him, but I did cheat a little. I acted like I was about to fall and Fang stopped to help me, but right when he stopped I zipped past him.

I was doing pretty well if I do say so myself and I felt pretty happy about it.

"Are ready to try the next hill?" Fang asked.

"I think so," I said and quickly pecked his lips for a boost of courage. I was thankful for our time alone.

We stumbled down the trail, when we reached the trail branches we went to the middle one. We walked a little ways and the trail branched off to three other trails.

When we sat down on the lift I smiled, "I hope I don't fall too much on this hill."

"I hope I don't laugh," he said earning an to the shoulder.

"What time is it?"

Fang pulled his phone out of his zipped pocket, "Twelve."

"_Twelve_? Already?"

He shrugged. "Time flies…"

We sat in comfortable silence the rest of the way up, just enjoying being with each other. I was glad Fang and I were by yourselves right now. I liked being with him, the way he made me feel. Protected, safe, cared for, happy, the way he made my cheeks hurt from smiling, how he made me laugh, his silence, and when he held I felt invincible. I didn't want to leave his side ever, as cheesy as that sounds.

I hoped he felt the same way about me.

I got to ski down the medium easy hill three times before 1:40 rolled around. Nudge, Iggy, Angel, and Gazzy had found us and got to ski down the hill with us twice before we had to leave. I think I did pretty well on that hill, I had only fallen three times and that wasn't too bad. Iggy had fallen, just like Fang and Nudge had predicted, which sent me into a hysteria of laughter. He was supposed to be better at skiing then me, and he totally did a face plant into the snow. He was okay, but I kept laughing the rest of our time skiing as the memory kept replaying in my head.

We got back to our room before the parents did.

Everyone spread out, laying down and relax in front of the TV.

We ordered pizza for lunch when the parents came back and Fang and I had held hands under the table the whole time, our knees touching too.

Iggy had been grateful we ordered pizza so he "Wouldn't have to eat my nasty cooking." After lunch Nudge and I went back to our room, she had braided my hair as she vented about Josh being a "dickhead".

After a little break, we went back to the slopes and skied some more. Cheyenne had been right, I was getting sore already.

Mrs. Wilson had tried again to find the ski instructors to prove a point and we found out they had the day off.

Once we were on the slopes again Angel showed me how to turn and surprisingly, I turned without falling. Yeah!

Gazzy had started a snowball fight when he nailed Iggy in the head, making him do another face plant.

When Mr. Wilson announced it was six o' clock and the slopes were closing, we head to the hotel.

Ben helped Cheyenne cook pasta and toast and veggies for dinner.

I felt so sore but relaxed and tired and happy.

I was so glad when I finally stepped in the bathroom to take a shower. I turned the water on and undressed, I caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror and gasped.

I tried to avoid mirrors when I wasn't dressed, I hated to see my uneven, lumpy, skin that at one point, had been covered in bruises and cuts and sores.

I shook my head trying clear the image as a thought rang through my head, if my body made my own stomach churn what would someone else think of it?

I pushed all of those thoughts out of my head. I doubt any would ever see my unclothed body again.

I had nothing to worry about.


	28. Chapter 28 Fighting

**Chapter 29**

**Fighting**

The following day I woke up stiff and sore, my knees aching every time I bended them. We hit the slopes an hour later, I stayed at the bottom of an easy hill for awhile to watch Iggy, Gazzy, Cheyenne, and Angel ski down. I watched how they moved to turn and tried to memorize it. When I got to the top of the hill I put the newly learned moves in motion, trying to turn this way and that way. My knees and legs and hip bone ached but I didn't care, I was determined to make a turn and reach the bottom without falling.

But my efforts went to waste when I fell onto my butt. At least I didn't do another face plant.

Fang asked if I was okay.

As usual I said, "I'm fine."

I tried again and again and again and again, and eventually lost count of how many times I had tried to ski down and turn. I had done it yesterday not very gracefully, but I had still done it. Why couldn't I do it today?

I had almost turned both ways before I reached the bottom of the hill, when Mr. Wilson said, "I think we should head in."

It was then I noticed the sun had started to descend, sinking lower each minute. A chill ran throw me as I noticed how cold I was, every time I had fallen over I had gotten snow in my snow suit and now with the sun going down, I felt like I was going to freeze.

"Really?" Angel said frowning slightly.

"We can probably ski for about an hour tomorrow, before we eat the Thanksgiving meal," Cheyenne said.

Angel's face lit up.

* * *

The next day Angel, Nudge, and I sat at the table making pinecone turkeys.

"Aw!" Nudge trilled, "I like the little top hat on your turkey, Max!"

"Thanks. His name is Mr. Turkey."

"There needs to be a Mrs. Turkey then!" Angel said excitedly.

It seemed the air was filled with giddiness as we talked.

Iggy, Fang, Mr. Wilson, and Ben had planted themselves in front of the TV as they heads turned side to side in unison as they watched the football fly back and forth.

"Hey could you guys make yourself useful and at least peel some potatoes?" Cheyenne demanded from the kitchen, smirking.

"Uh-huh." Ben called back.

"So come over here!"

Ben glanced over blinking as a whilst blew, "What?"

Cheyenne glanced at us and rolled her eyes.

Mrs. Wilson looked at the boys, watching the football and she curled her lip in disgust.

I looked back down at my turkey and shook my head. Jeez. Mrs. Wilson seemed to get annoyed at every little thing. Every little mishaps and she's ready to start ripping heads off. I had notice the glares she'd give me when I wasn't looking, but when I talked to her she'd act like nothing was wrong, like we were the best of friends.

It was all very childish really.

I didn't know what her deal was, or why she was acting this way toward me and everyone else, but she really needed to get off her high horse.

"There! Here's Mrs. Turkey." Angel said, setting down her turkey wrapped in a white tissue.

"See? Now they're married."

I smirked. "Very nice."

"Okay girls, can you come help make the green beans and pumpkin pies?" Cheyenne asked.

"Yep," Nudge said pushing herself up from the table and walked into the kitchen with Angel and I.

Two hours later everything was cooked and spread out on the table, plates, napkins, silverware, wineglasses, a water pitcher, cups, three pumpkin pies, rolls, green beans, broccoli, cranberries, salad, walnuts, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and last but not least the turkey.

We sat around the getting ready to say what we were thankful for. I'd never done this before, in fact I didn't even remember having a good Thanksgiving. I couldn't remember eating turkey and gravy, or having families and friends surround me like that, or saying "I'm thankful for…" before we ate, or sinking into food comas.

And here I was now, a huge turkey sitting in front of family, at a ski lodge, being giddy and happy, and at that moment I don't think I could be anymore grateful.

* * *

Later that night I sat on the balcony, curled up in a blanket on a patio chair watching as snow sprinkled down, laying a fresh blanket on everything in sight. It was all really pretty, the white ground touching the black sky, two opposites looking beautiful together.

The pine trees were filling the air with a strong scent, it smelt clean and crisp.

As I looked at the mountains I thought of Fang. His eyes matched the sky, black and mysterious. I didn't know how to describe him. The way he had been there with me since the start. Well the start of being _here_. How he always seemed to be there whenever I was alone, when I needed help. He had been there when I didn't need it, he had kept me strong and sane, protected me and gone with me through almost everything. He'd had helped me stopped… well, cutting. He was always able to crack jokes. His smile that always made my heart flutter. His smarts, and talking skills. His helpfulness and determination. How sweet he was but at the same time had a rough edge. How he always seem what to know what to say but wasn't a smart ass. When he stood up straight and looked so tall and tough and powerful. I loved everything about him.

Then I realized something that made me stop cold and my heart skipped a nervous beet and my stomach twisted. Had I just said _love_?

* * *

The next day was followed by more skiing. I actually managed to turn to both sides and not fall! Fang and I had been alone at the time and had kissed right there! At the bottom of the hill! For at least five minutes, it help like hours though. God, I loved kissing him, the way his lips felt against mine, soft and rough and determined. I liked being with him around him, he just had a way of making people near him feel happy.

After Fang and I had had our moment we ran into everyone else and Nudge and I had gone off with Angel and Ben. It wasn't the first time I had been skiing without Fang, I had skied with everyone's else a lot too. Maybe even more, but I only talked about my time with him because it was usually the first thing that came to mind.

But anyway we had a lot of fun, racing, throwing snowballs, screaming as I had crashed into Nudge. It was awesome.

After skiing for four hours straight, we decided to go to a restaurant and go get, well, lunch probably, since it was 3:52 PM.

We were packed in the car again just not as crowded without the luggage and Total.

As we drove down the road, we passed by a weird shaped building.  
"What _is _that?" Nudge asked.

"The people at the front desk at our hotel told me it's an aquarium." Mr. Wilson said.

"We should go there!" Angel said smiling.

I bit my lip and kept quiet as fear ran up my spine. It was irrational really, but being under water in one of those hollow tubes under water had always giving me the willies.

When we got to the restaurant, we all settled into our seats at the table. I took in the scenery and noticed the restaurant was decorated like an '80s diner with neon colors and car parts hanging on the walls along with cartoon pictures. It was all very interesting and cool.

As the chatter started I glanced at Fang and smiled.

He bumped my knee under the table and my smile grew. "I'm so glad you're here." he paused and smiled a little. "That your safe and out of the hospital."

My eyebrow furred, where had that come from? "What?"

"Just that- you know, your better and happy." he lowered his voice even more. "That you stopped cutting."

My heart all but stopped, I felt cold, almost like I couldn't breathe, "Lets just not talk about it." I said quickly.

It was Fang's turn to cross his eyebrows, "Why not?"

"Because," I said pointedly, "I just don't want to."

"Are you afraid to talk about it?" Fang asked, almost challenging.

Anger rose in my chest, "No, I just don't want to think about that right now."

Fang looked at me with an expression I couldn't place.

His eyebrow was raised his mouth slightly opened slightly revealing his teeth he looked at me, almost annoyed and turned straight ahead, not saying anything more.

I turned forward also, _well, _I thought.


	29. Chapter 29 FML

**Chapter 29**

**FML**

**Luv it123- She was just being a little touchy.**

**XTheBlondeX- No it's not a secret.**

**Sendicard- Probably they would just let it drop, but Fang didn't!**

**MySoulIsYoureTakeIt- Kinda was a filler chapter!**

Two days passed and Fang and I hadn't talked. It felt like it had been two years though, seeing him and not saying a word, we were always near each other on the trip, it was almost like a gravitational pull, and not being able to escape anywhere here didn't help much either. I was always right by him. I couldn't escape.

Like I'd want to escape though! I like being by him, with him. I had no clue why we weren't talking, I mean it wasn't really a big deal, what he had said. Yes, he should have dropped it, but I shouldn't have been so touchy about it.

It's not like everyone here didn't know I had cut.

And no else seemed to know the tension going on between us, or they ignored it.

Anyway, moving on, skiing was going pretty well, I still hadn't tried any of the hard slopes and I wasn't planning on trying to go on them this trip. I was getting a lot better on the hills I could ski down though I wasn't nearly as clumsy as I used to be.

I was still pretty sore but I was getting used to it and it didn't hurt as bad as it used to.

But it was raining today, big tear drop shapes streaking the sky, and I sat on the couch by Nudge, Angel, and Iggy, reading a book.

"This is so boring," Angel sighed.

"You could go make a snowman," Iggy suggested.

"In the _rain_?"

"Oh. Yeah. Never mind."

"Hopefully the rain lets up soon," Nudge said, glancing out the back door.

"I doubt it," Fang said walking in and plopped down next to Angel.

All my muscles tensed as my stomach knotted up.

"It's raining cats and dogs out there."

"We could go to the aquarium!" Cheyenne offered from the kitchen table.

"Yeah! Lets go see the fishes!" Nudge said smiling

My stomach tightened even more.

"Where're we going?" Gazzy asked from his room.

"To meet your long lost siblings," Iggy called back.

"We're goin' to the aquarium." Angel said.

So an hour later everyone was head downstairs, cameras loaded and jackets on.

I had explained my fear of being under deep water and said I wanted to stay here instead. They said that was OK, but Nudge was a little sadden by this. And Mrs. Wilson had acted a little wary like I might steal something of hers within my two hours alone.

So here I was watching the remake of _The Parent Trap. _

It had only been about three minutes when the front door opened and closed shut.

I glanced over my shoulder and watched him enter the room.

"What're you doing here?" I demanded, glaring at Fang.

"I'm not allowed here?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood.

I turned forward and watched the TV. I think I was more mad (madder?) at Fang for his reaction, then for what he said.

"I was just walking them out, I didn't really want to go to the aquarium either."

I said nothing.

"Why are you so upset?" he demanded, walking around the couch so he was in front of me.

My eyes narrowed. "What do you think?"

"Are you mad over the restaurant thing?"

"Kinda!"

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't you just drop it? Why did you give me that look?"

"You're mad about that?"

I glared at the TV.

He was quiet then said, "Are you mad because I was talking about it in front of your family?"

I almost said "They're not really my family," because technically they're not, but I didn't. Instead I just said, "No."

I could tell he didn't believe me though, "I didn't mean to drag it on like I did. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you and I didn't think you'd care if I said that in front of your family. And I'm sorry for the expression I gave you." he said almost mechanically.

I glared at him.

He fell out to the couch and blew out a breath, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be rude. I just don't get why you're upset."

It was my turn to sigh, "I just don't want to bring it back up. The whole thing has blown over and it's almost like they forgot about it. I don't want to remind them again, y'know make more waves."

"But sometimes waves are a good thing." he said slowly, smiling.

Then he kissed me. He leaned forward and his lips meet mine. I was a little surprised, but I went with it.

Two days past came rushing forward and two days without doing anything with Fang made me feel desperate as I leaned forward and moved my lips against his, loving the way they felt and the taste and the smell of Fang and oh my-

He had grabbed my waist and tugged my hips over his so I was sitting on him. His hand stroked up my face and tangled in my hair. I nervously leaned closer and opened my mouth. I felt Fang's tongue trace my bottom lip and I couldn't resist a shuddered. _Oh_, I thought. The farthest Fang and I had ever gotten was being topless. Both of us, completely.

It felt so good to kiss, making me feel warm and shaky. I loved it but at the same time I worried a little. What if I messed up? What if I doing something wrong? What would Fang say? Or think? I couldn't help but feel like this was wrong. That we should stop. But I couldn't bring myself to say it.

But I tried to dismiss the thought as I pulled back for a breath. Fang changed directions and started kissing up my cheek and to my ear, gently nibbling on my earlobe.

"Ohh…" I sighed.

I felt a blush light up my cheeks like fireworks lit up the Fourth of July. This was OK. No alarms going off. It just felt good.

I felt Fang smile against my neck. I reached for his hand and held it as his lips moved back down to my lips.

I felt his tongue press against my lips and I opened my mouth slightly. I brushed Fang's tongue with my own and shuddered with pleasure.

Fang's hand slowly moved lower until it rested on my breast.

I gasped but didn't pull back.

"Is this okay?"

I nodded, "Yes," I dragged out the word, like I knew how he'd wanted me to.

He slowly cupped my breast and I gasped, my stomach tensed and I ignored the thoughts that wanted to pour into my mind. Tried to, at least.

Fang moved his hand, stroking and touching, but I couldn't feel it very well because of my shirt.

Fang realized this and moved his hand down under my shirt, grabbing the hem. I couldn't believe I nodded. But I felt hot and needy and sticky and just wanted my shirt off.

Fang pulled up and slipped my shirt off, my bra, cleavage, and scars showed.

I watch Fang's face as he worked his eyes from my stomach to my bra. My stomach had an angry red and puckered scar going diagonally from the left side of my hip to just above my belly button. The skin surrounding it was uneven and stumbled over itself.

Another red scar was under my right breast and wrapped its way around my boob to my arm pit. My bra hid most of that scar but you could still see some of it.  
And another patch of uneven skin decorated below my left collar bone.

As Fang looked his expression changed from pain and sympathy, to anger, to big and lust filled eyes.

He meet my eyes and gave me a reassuring smile. I watched his lips and brought my lips to his. His hand slowly reached beneath my bra and cupped my breast again and I gasped, feeling my toes curl.

Was this wrong? Was it bad to like the way Fang was making me feel? Should I tune it out like I had before? But this was so different! I couldn't deny the way he was making me feel couldn't say I didn't like it.

When he pulled back I looked into his eyes as he stood up, me still in his arms and I pressed closer, liking the feel of Fang.  
He bent down and grabbed my shirt and quickly walked to his room, his arms wrapped around my waist. We were kissing still as we entered his room and he closed the door. What was going on? Did he want to...? Did I want to...? No! How could I _even_ want to? We should stop. I should stop. I...

He pressed me to the wall and kissed me harder. A small sound escaped from my lips.

God! This was bad!

Oh! It felt good.

This was bad! I should stop!  
I couldn't if I wanted to.

No!

Yes.

I pulled back and slowly lifted off his shirt, exposing a smooth stomach.

I pulled Fang's lips back to mine and desperately kissed him as I felt his stomach. What was I doing? Who in the heck is this girl!

I looked back at Fang then down to his pants. I slowly reached down and tugged down his jeans. Following instinct. No more pictures or memories. Please?

"A-are you sure?" He stuttered focusing on me.

Was I?

No.

I didn't reply.

I pulled his jeans down and he kicked them off. I knew what was expected. Knew what was going to happen. Knew it for sure by the way his pants tented.

Bad, bad, bad! This meant bad!

I kissed him again as his hands touched the top of my pants and unsnapped the button. I didn't stop him.

My boy shorts were revealed. I pulled Fang's lips to mine and leaned forward, against his chest.

I felt his hands on my back, by my bra hook.

I looked up at him.

"You're sure?"

No.

"Yes." He unhooked my bra. It fell forward and slipped off.

Fang's eyes looked down to my bra- less chest. His eyes meet mine and he gave me a happy smile as I heard a crack of thunder.

The touching back began. More clothes were lost. Then touching _everywhere_. Didn't want to like the way it felt. Couldn't like the way it felt. Could I?

Please, stop, Fang.

Please, don't stop.

Both of us were breathing heavily by the time the foil came out. Was rolled on.

God! Don't you realize how bad this is? Sick even?

I felt him at my entrance and he slid in. I gasped feeling my eyes widen.

No! Do you hear me? NO!

Again, memories wanted to fill my head as his length filled me and I couldn't ignored them.

Focus on Fang. Fang only.

Then he began to move.

Bad, twisted, sick!

But... I couldn't deny the waves of pleasure racked through my body making me gasp.

Thunder crackled and crash.

His hips slammed into me again, and again, and in mid thrust I wanted to scream. What, exactly, I don't know.

Fang groaned as he finally writhed on top of me.

As my breathing slowed and I opened my eyes.

Fang's eyes opened and met mine.

That's when I heard a door open and slam shut.

I pushed away and sat up, "Fang, I think someone's home," I whispered frantically as I watched the bedroom door.

"No, nobodies ho-"

The door opened, "Nick, are you in here-" Mrs. Wilson entered the room. When she saw us, her jaw fell open.

Fang sat up quickly, blocking her view of me.

Oh, _fuck my life._


	30. Chapter 30 Wrong

**Chapter 30**

**Wrong**

**Cena-Cetric333- Trouble time?**

**Maximum Read- Possibly…?**

**Dsdfhfjhmjuiumjhn- Sorry you didn't like it and it happened fast for a reason.**

**Samp- No, I didn't. Is that another story on Fanficition?**

**MyDnightwolf- Your review made me laugh and thank you!**

**Perseus12- I'm sorry you feel that way but it happened so fast for a reason. And I get what you're saying, stick to the original story line and don't always go with hat everyone wants. :)**

**Darkprince111- Thank you!**

Mrs. Wilson stared at us for a full minute, not moving, her eyes were wide and her mouth still agape.

My stomach tightened with fear and I silently begged her to turn around and leave and pretend she didn't see anything.

But I knew that wasn't going to happened.

Mrs. Wilson suddenly snapped to as she registered everything going on. Her lip curled in disgust and she crossed her arms.

I hated this, hated this _so _much. I hated how Mrs. Wilson was staring at us with her prying eyes, hated that she walked in, hated that I couldn't move or speak, hated that Fang wasn't doing anything to make her do something besides _stare_, hated this situation, hated how exposed I felt and wished I had more than a bed sheet to cover me, and hated myself as realization slapped in the face. I. Had. Slept. With. Fang. How could have just so easily done that? Why didn't 't I think? I should have asked him to stop! This was wrong. This was bad. And I had just gone along with it.

My stomach flip flopped and I felt hot.

Mrs. Wilson finally turned her gaze away towards the wall, not out of embarrassment though, "You have thirty seconds to get out this room," she hissed at me, still averting her gaze.

I wasn't sure what she would do when the thirty seconds passed but I didn't want to find out.

Something twisted my stomach again as I realized I was going to have to get out from under the covers, naked.

Fang turned his head away, giving me a tiny bit of privacy.

I appreciated it but I couldn't tell if he did it to save me from more embarrassment or to prove something to his mom or just disgusted. But did it matter?

I quickly climbed out from under the blankets and raced to the door. I hated how exposed I felt. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, I couldn't understand how things had just changed so drastically. I scooped my clothes up and prayed no one was in the family room as I bolted from Fang's room.

I quickly decided my bedroom was probably safer to go to than the bathroom.

Thank god nobody was in the family room.

I reached my room and slammed the door shut, wishing the door had a lock.

Wait. A lock? What was I doing? Or thinking? This was insane, I thought as I quickly pulled my clothes and recapped what had just happened.

Fang and I had sex. I felt myself shiver, I had just so easily gone with it. How could I have just jumped into it like that?

Then his mom walked in and said to leave. I had been such a wimp! I hadn't stood up for myself, I just wanted to get out of there. I had made a complete fool of myself for doing that.

I shook my head as I sat down on my bed. What was Mrs. Wilson going to do?

I didn't want to think about the possible options.

And where was everyone else?

I glanced at my alarm clock.

They had been gone for an hour. I lay down and turned towards the wall, my back facing the door.

What was I going to do? I knew Mrs. Wilson was at least going to tell Cheyenne. What would Cheyenne do? Just ignore it I hope. No, she'd probably want to talk with me. This family had a knack for talking, how does it make you feel? Are you okay? What's the matter?

I sighed. I wish I could take it all back, not just because we got caught but I felt so… I don't know, ashamed,/embarrassed/weirded out that Fang and I had sex.

I couldn't place how I felt. I'll I knew is what we did was wrong.

Five minutes later there was a knock on my door.

I froze and my heart skipped a beat.

"Max?" Cheyenne asked quietly.

Told ya she'd want to talk.

Maybe… I could just pretend to be a sleep, and she would leave!

Again with being a wimp.

Cheyenne walked in and closed the door, she sat across from me on Nudge's bed.

I felt an odd sense of dejà vu.

Why was she evening trying? It was just going to be awkward and meaningless.

"Mrs. Wilson told me what happened…" she slowly said. When I didn't say anything she continued. "Listen…. I'm not sure what you're thinking… but I'm not disappointed."

I felt my jaw fall open. What? She wasn't disappointed? At the least she'd be disappointed. I mean, come on, how many other 'parents' wouldn't be disappointed if they found out their kids were having sex? Then realization hit me, "Your just saying that because I've already had sex. I don't really have anything to loose." I blurted.

I was taken aback by what I said. One, I had just brought up my dad and what he did, two, I basically admitted to having sex with Fang and three, I talked about the loss of my virginity.  
I felt a blush heat my cheeks, feeling me with rage.

"No. I'm not oblivious, I've seen you and Fang kiss each other back home and here. I wasn't sure if it was just a fling or something serious. But considering what you and Fang have been doing I take that it's something serious."

"It was only our first time," I mumbled defensively, feeling annoyed.

"Well, you guys are teenagers and I understand that. I can see Fang cares about you and vice versa. I'm just a little surprised at how fast you guys took this step."

I said nothing.

"But anyways, as long as you used protection…"

I nodded.

"Good. I do think though that Mrs. Wilson should have handle the situation differently."

I nodded not sure what to think anymore.

Cheyenne talked some more and it turns out that they had gotten bord at the aquarium and decided to get lunch so they came here to get Fang and I and that's when Mrs. Wilson founded us.

Then Mrs. Wilson called Cheyenne to come up and sent the others to go get lunch.

So here I was now alone in my room feeling confused.

I wondered what Fang was thinking? What Mrs. Wilson said to him?  
Thunder crashed and I jumped.

I spent the rest of the day holed up in my room. Feeling too embarrassed and ashamed to face the others. And quite frankly, I didn't want to see Mrs. Wilson.

Apparently word travels fast because the next thing I knew Nudge was in our room, chewing me out for not telling her, getting all the details, sympathizing, and making me feel a little better.

She also told me that the only person who didn't know what was going on was Angel. Which had really annoyed me. Did the guys really need to know? They weren't going to help, it just made it worse. I could already hear the ridicule from Iggy.

**Fang's POV**

"So this is it. Where you and Max fucked," Iggy said staring do at my bed like it was the Holy Grail. "Or would you prefer 'made love'?

"Shut up," I mumbled glaring at Iggy.

He smirked. "Did Mom flip a bitch? Her face was still red when we got home."  
"She was _pissed_, she kept saying 'That girl is so insane! How could you do that with her!'" I shook my head annoyed.

"I bet you were pretty pissed too."

I shrugged.

"What do you think Max thinks about this?" Iggy smirked.

I shook my head. I didn't want to know. Not that I would admit this but I felt so horrible about everything that had happened. The first time Max well, had sex that she was willing to have, she was chased from the room. Her expression kept popping up in my head. Terrified, vulnerable, ashamed, regretting, embarrassed. I could read that girl like a book, and in this case, just made it worse.

"So how was it?"

I glanced at Iggy.

"Hot?" he offered.

"Kinky?" I really wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

"Iggy," I snarled, my hands forming fists.

"Sexy?"

His nose made a satisfying _crunch_.

"Ow! Fuck," he exclaimed cupping his bleeding nose.

I walked out of my room and into the family room leaving a cussing Iggy behind. The others were scattered throughout the room, except for Max. I glanced at her room the door was still closed. I sat on the couch next to Angel, not caring if the others felt uncomfortable with me in the room. I glanced at the clock. It was seven. Max had been in her room for five hours. I sighed. That's not a good sign.


	31. Chapter 31 Say Goodbye

**Chapter 31**

**Say Goodbye**

**Luxembourg- Good or bad 'wow'?**

**Sendicard- Thank you! And yeah! No mistakes!**

**Skyeblue221- She is, and very awkward!**

**MydnightWolf- Yes Iggy did deserve that! Thank you! And I probably will go back and fix the mistakes.**

**The Dark Queen of Insanity- Good idea!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! And just to clear this up Angel is 11, Iggy isn't blind in this story, and Total belongs to the Preston's.**

It was our last day, and it was raining again. The window next to my bed was streaked with rain drops, blurring the outside world. Again, we couldn't go skiing, I'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing. Good, I won't have to be by everyone else and feel awkward. Bad, because today's our last day here and we don't get to go skiing. I'm pretty sure the others were bummed about this, too.

It was about eleven in the morning and I stared at my closed bedroom door. Nudge had left a little while ago and I was starting to get really bord hiding in my room.

I held Rodger closer to my chest. Yes, I had brought Rodger along. I couldn't find him last night and made a huge crying scene in front of Nudge as I frantically looked for him. She helped me look, and about fifteen minutes later we found him in her stand drawer. Neither of us had any idea how he had gotten in there.

But anyway Rodger was safe now, as he and I stared at the door, waiting for something to happened.

I haven't seen or talked to Fang since yesterday afternoon when his mom found us. In a way I was worried about the space, but in another way I was very happy to be left alone.

My stomach growled and I realized how hungry I was.

With a sigh, I began to prepare myself to leave the room and go get food.

_What do have to be worried about?_

The stares and what if _they _say something to me?

_No big deal, it's none of there business you can do this. It'll only take a couple minutes to make food then you can come back here, and besides it's not like they're going to be staring intensely at your door, waiting for you to come out._

Well, I thought, with another sigh.

I pushed myself off the bed and walked to the door. I slowly opened it and looked out, trying not to look like I was spying on them.

Nudge, Angel, Gazzy, Cheyenne, and Ben were watching TV. No one else was in the family room or the kitchen.

Must be in there rooms, I figured.

I walked silently from my room to the kitchen without anyone noticing.

I grabbed a loaf of bread in one hand and set in on the counter, I opened the fridge and pulled out a jar of peanut butter in one hand and set it on the counter. I reached for a knife, my back turned to everyone when I heard, "Nice bear."

I jumped at the sound of the voice and turned to face Iggy.

My eyes narrowed, "He's not a bear," I mumbled, realizing I had brought Rodger along with me. I set him on the counter.

"Oh, it's a '_he'_?"

I ignored him and turned forward, quickly making my sandwich then grabbed Rodger, my sandwich, and a water bottle and began to walk out of the kitchen.

"Oh, are you ignoring me? Or are you trying to play hard to get? Because that's not how it seemed with Fan-"

"Iggy!"

I looked up and saw Fang in his bedroom doorway, glaring at Iggy.

I felt my face heat up and I bet it looked like I was badly sunburned.

I quickly scampered out of the kitchen, trying to act if nothing was wrong, but my stomach started knotting and I felt really tense.

* * *

Later that day I ventured out of my room a few times and nothing else happened, thank God. No encounters with Fang, or insults from Iggy, or death glares from Mrs. Wilson. I counted this day as a success.

Nudge and I were in our room packing so we wouldn't have to in the morning.

"I'm going to miss this place though," she said.

"I guess I am too. I'm just going to be glad to be home and not have everyone breathing down our necks."

She looked at me, "Have you talked with Fang?"

"No. I don't think I want to."

"Why not?" she asked and scratched Total's ears.

"I don't know, it's just going to be awkward and I'm not sure what he'd say, what _I'd _say to fix things." I said as my stomach knotted with nerves.

"Do you regret it?"

I thought for a few seconds and decided, "Yes."

* * *

Let me just say, there is nothing more awkward then being in a loaded van with ten people, a dog, cramped and sitting close to one another, and everyone in the car knowing you had sex with someone else in the car.

Well, at least I think Angel figured it out by the way she kept glancing at Fang and I, noticing the tension and realizing the reason. I mean, she was eleven years old. Which might be too young to know this.

I mentally shut up. I rambled when I got nervous.

Anyway, Gazzy, Iggy, and Fang sat in the row in front of mine, and Angel and Nudge sat in the back row with me.

I'm not sure if Mrs. Wilson purposely separated the boys and girls but it made it more awkward.

Along with the silence that had fallen over the car.

This was the closest I've been to Fang in two days and you could literally cut the tension with a knife. My stomach was balled with nerves and it felt like I had swallowed a brick. And I also felt sweaty and hot which was getting kinda gross and I mentally begged someone to turn the AC on. Even though it was about 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside.

Oh well, only two more hours to go!

When we finally got home I was the last out of the car and the last to get my suit case. I wanted to avoid a few people.

I entered the house and climbed up the stairs and walked into my familiar room. I was so happy to finally be home and in my room, I was so relieved. As I started to unpack I noticed it felt like I hadn't been here in years. Probably because so much has changed since I was in here last. I had learned to ski, went on a _fun _vacation, found out how much Mrs. Wilson dislikes me, noticed how much the Wilson's relationship was going down the drain, how pretty the snow was and how much fun it was, how exciting the first half of the vacation was, having sex with Fang, Mrs. Wilson catching us, regretting the whole thing, and sitting in the silent torture for three hours.

Well, I thought that was interesting.


	32. Chapter 32 Home Sweet Home

**Chapter 32**

**Home Sweet Home**

**Dsdfhfjhmjuiumjhn and Perseus12- This chapter is mainly why they had sex so fast. There still something more to it.**

**NightWrighter511- Stuff…**

**Emeralgreenlove- Sorry you didn't like it, it was more of a filler.**

**Sendicard- Thanks and I couldn't find any mistakes. Can I still have a cookie, though?**

**EverAfterDemigodCahil- I think she's on a lot of other people's hit list too.**

**Yay! An update! Sorry it took me so long to update, it's a long chapter, though! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm so excited that there's almost 500 reviews!**

Two weeks passed before I knew it. Two weeks after the last day at the lodge, sixteen days since Fang and I had had sex. Wow, it was almost a month now and it sure as hell didn't feel like it.

It was Friday night, about ten P.M. and I sat on my bed, toying with Rodger's paws.

The first day back at school had been so weird and awkward, I felt like I had a giant, neon, glowing, sign above my head saying, "I slept with Fang!" Then again, most people at school called him Nick, so they wouldn't know who the hell "Fang" was. But that wasn't the point.

People seemed to avoid me more than usual and even Nudge acted a little off. Kind of nervous, like she was afraid she'd say something wrong.

Then when I sat next to Fang in second hour it all went down hill. Fang and I didn't talk to each other, or look at one another.

When his elbow bumped mine, I jumped and pulled away like he had the plaque. Lets just say it wasn't one of my greatest moments.

And, of course, the stalker that she is, Abby noticed the weird vibe between Fang and I and she was all over that like ugly on an ape.

She said, "So, Max? Lose another friend?" And some other lame insults, but at least Fang looked pissed about her making fun of me.

When lunch rolled around I over heard Fang telling Iggy something that sounded a lot like, "It was a one night stand." as they walked by my table.

In PE we were on opposite teams in dodge ball. I had nailed someone with a ball, when a ball collided with my stomach throwing me square on my butt to the floor.

And out of the corner of my eye, I saw Fang smirking which had annoyingly brought angry tears to my eyes.

Then by art class I was ferrous and didn't even look at Fang.

Then I walked back home, like I had walked to school in the morning. It might've been a step too far, petty looking but I didn't care. It was only five blocks away.

Whenever I saw Iggy, he still cracked jokes about the incident.

I was just happy I had two days away from school. I was starting to seriously consider online schooling.

Thinking back to my old house, how things had been so different back then. I had grown and changed so much since then, but right now, I didn't feel much like myself.

At least back at the other house things had been… _simpler_, in a way. I mean besides my dad, and the lack of food, but school was pretty easy.

Out of know where, a thought hit me. Had I brought?

I pushed myself from my bed and opened my nightstand drawer and dug through it.

Fuck! It wasn't there.

I pushed my hair away from my face. How could I have left it? How could I have forgotten it? I knew it hurt to look at, and I hated it almost, but I desperately need it now.

I glanced at my alarm clock. It was eleven.

I had been thinking for over an hour.

Would everyone be asleep?

I hoped so.

I stood up again, grabbed my house keys, and tip-toed out my bedroom door.

**Fang's POV**

"I can't believe you slept with my sister," Gazzy said walking into my room, he made a face.

Iggy smirked.

I sighed, annoyed. Iggy and I were finally having a conversation that wasn't related to me and Max.

"Fang that is just disgusting, I mean- what is _wrong _with you?"

I haven't talked to Gazzy since Max and I slept together and I guess he wanted to talk about it now.

"I doubt it was disgusting," Iggy said wagging his eyebrows.

I glared at him.

Gazzy then smirked, obviously switching gears, "So how was it?"

Oh, _fuck_, not him too.

"We had sex, that's all there is to it."

Gazzy glanced at Iggy.

Iggy shrugged, "He hasn't told me any details, for all I know we could have a kid runnin' around here in a couple months."

I stood up pushed Iggy out my computer chair, he went sprawling to the floor, unprepared for the attack. I sat back down on my bed.

"Have you talked to her? She's be acting all moppey lately." Gazzy said.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "No."

"Well did you do anything else to piss her off?" Iggy wondered, standing and sitting back in the chair.

"No."

"She's probably still mad about the whole sex thing."

I glanced at Gazzy.

"Well, I mean, put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you be kinda pissed too? I doubt she was fully on board with it."

"She was fully on board on Fang's d-" Iggy began but I talked over him.

"I kept asking her if it was okay, I didn't want to take advantage of her and she kept saying, 'Yes'.

"Now were getting some where," Iggy said rubbing his hands together. "So what happened?"

"We just had sex! It wasn't hot or kinky or anything! _What _do you want me to say? It was the best day of my life and I never felt anything like that before? Yeah, it was. But now she won't even look at me. If I touch her she pulls away. Now we can't even talk! Want some advice? Don't have sex!" I pushed myself off the bed and stormed out.

I was walking down the stairs when I saw a figure walking across Max's lawn.

I paused and looked out.

It was Max.

**Max's POV**

I could walk there. Easy- peasy, it was only a couple of miles or so. I could find it.

Easy, easy, easy.

I just need to get the box and get out. I quickly picked up my pace, I didn't want to be gone long. I could find it. I knew where it was! I just had to get in.

What if someone had moved in?

I almost laughed out loud.

Like anyone would _want _to move in. And I highly doubt they could do anything to fix it up so anyone would want it.

Besides, I just had to _see _it. I know it sounded crazy, like I should be waiting to do the complete opposite, but I needed to see the house, what happened to it. What was different. When I left, I packed my stuff and nothing else, I'm not sure what they did with the furniture, they probably sold it or donated it.

I glanced around and noticed the Wendy's, I was about five minutes from it.

I looked at my watch. I had only been running for fifteen minutes. Weird, I knew I lived close, but not _this _close to it. For some reason it sent chills through me.

I passed the Wendy's, then a few shops, a market, and the next thing I knew I was staring at the sign naming off my street.

_Lost View_, it read.

Not a very happy name for a street, I thought.

I walked into the wide spaced neighbor hood. I inhale as I walked three houses down, I stopped in front of the fourth one. The lawn was yellowing and there was a for sale sign planted in the ground.

The side walked was uneven and it lead to a crooked and dirty looking house. The shutters had chipping paint, but they weren't hanging off any more.  
The gravity of my situation and what I was about to do finally hit me. I was at my old house, going to break in, just to find some stupid old box.

Fear tighten my stomach as I looked at the house. Sweat broke out on the back of my neck. This was bad, very, very bad. I should just turn around and go home.

I took a step back, started to walk away, but my leg swung around making me face the house again.

I was this far, I couldn't go back now.

Taking a deep breathe, I stepped forward and sprinted around the house to the backyard, and up the wood porch. It squeaked so loud I thought it might wake the dead. I stood by the wall, waiting for my breathing to return to normal.

Something caught my eye and I looked over. Nothing. My neck prickled and I got the feeling someone was watching me.

I skimmed around again and still saw nothing. Stupid fear.

Shaking my head I turned back to the screen- less back door. I couched down, crawled through the screen door, then the doggy door.

I stood back up, looking around, I couldn't help but gasp.

This was the house. This is were I had always lived, the last house my mom lived, and dad, the house where I was raised, where I was raped too.

I took a shaky breath and hugged myself, I stepped into the room.

The living room was empty; the stain filled carpet was the only thing left.

I tried to keep the thoughts away but they flooded my mind.

That's where he'd sit and drink beer. That's where he liked to beat me.

I step further in.

That's where I was raped.

More chills ran through me and I ran into the kitchen. I panted as I got the sensation someone one _was _watching me. I looked around for a weapon, anything I could use to defend myself. I saw a roll of paper towels and grabbed them. What the hell could I do with these? Jam them down their throat?

I heard a creak and froze. Someone really was here.

Footsteps.

He was here. He had escaped from jail and found me.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

A figure in the living room appeared and I almost screamed, but I couldn't, couldn't feel my body. All I could do was watch.

"Max?"

A man's voice. It really was him. He was here. The tears fell.

"Max? What are you doing here?"

They stepped closer and I back up.

"No," I whispered, "no, no, no."

He paused then quickly walked three steps to the kitchen.

"Max, _what are you doing_?"

The stern words rang through my head as I stared in horror.

The figure stepped into the moonlight streaming through the window, I could see him now.

"What's wrong, Max?"

Relief flooded my body, as I realized who it was, and I collapsed into Fang's arms.

He held me tight as I calmed down and my breathing returned to normal.

I immediately pushed him away and glared.

"What are _you _doing here?" I demanded.

"I was about to ask the same thing," he said matching my glare.

"You can't be here, you need to leave," I said even though I desperately wanted him to stay.

He paused looking around, "This is it, isn't it?"

I said nothing, not meeting his eyes.

"So why'd you come here any way?"

I blew out an annoyed breathe, "I left something and I came back to get it. Why are you here?" I said narrowing my eyes.

"I followed you," he said with a smirk, no trace of shame.

"You followed me?" I demanded, my voice shrill.

The smirk grew.

"Yes, you found me, can you leave now?"

We stared at each other for a few minutes, changeling each other to make the first move.

When he didn't do anything for three minutes, I huffed out a breath. I wanted to get out of here so bad, I didn't care anymore if he went with me.

I turned around and went back into the living room. I went up the stairs with Fang on my tail.

When we got upstairs, I didn't even look at _his _room. If I did, I was sure I'd break down and start crying again. Which I wasn't going to do in front of Fang. Again.

I walked into my room. It was barren expect for a mattress on the floor. I walked over to a lose floor board. I plopped on to the floor, not caring about my gracefulness.

I glared at Fang, then. Hopping he'd take a step back. He didn't budge.

Sighing I twisted the floor board lose, reached in, and pulled out the card board box. Not evening looking inside, or putting the board back, I ran downstairs and out the back door. Outside I panted and felt a rush of relief knowing I had escaped the monster house. Fang caught up with me; I started towards the sidewalk, completely ignoring him. He easily caught up and after a few minutes asked, "What's in the box."

I shrugged, nothing he needed to know about.

We were half way home when Fang finally broke the silence.

"You can't give me the cold shoulder forever, Max."

Watch me, I thought.

He sighed, annoyed, "You can't keep ignoring me… We had sex, Max. We need to talk about it."

I glared at the ground, "It was a one nightstand." I quoted, wondering if he'd notice.

He was quiet, then said, "It doesn't have to be."

"It was just the heat of the moment. It meant nothing."

"It didn't seem like 'nothing'."

"Well it was."

"If you didn't want to do it, you should have stopped me."

"Maybe I wanted to."

Fang stopped and stared down at me, his glare made me stop too. I couldn't read his eyes. I thought he was just going to stare at me when he said, "You liked it. I know you did and I gave you tons of chances to stop and you said- no you _moaned_, yes."

"It was nothing," I growled.

Suddenly, his lips were on mine. They were demanding and all I could do was kiss back.

He pulled back, way too soon, wiped his mouth and asked, "Was that heat of the moment, too?" smirking.

I quickly checked my box making sure it didn't get crushed. "It was a one night thing."

"It could be something more."

"It's just lust."

"No, Max. It's not, I like you a lot and I know you feel the same way."

I stared into his eyes and his lips met mine again.


	33. Chapter 33 A Box Full of Trouble

**Chapter 33**

**A Box Full of Trouble**

**Sendicard- You were close! And I'll check your story out soon!**

**The Dark Queen of Insanity- What are confused about?**

**Aries4me- A little bit… but don't forget about those hormones!**

**SallSall- Because he's not really thinking the situation through.**

**So, on the threat of epic army of ninjas finding me, here's an update! Thanks for reading/ reviewing!**

I was the first to break the kiss, pulling back for air,

Fang had a dizzy look in his eyes as they met mine. Man, what was I going to do with this kid?

He gave me a smile as he reached for my hand.

"So, we're okay, now?" He asked

I adjusted my box so it was resting against my hip.

"I think so," I said, watching him carefully as we started walking again.

After a couple heartbeats he asked, "I guess we don't have to be so secretive about dating anymore."

I shrugged, "I guess not… but won't it be kind of awkward around your family…?"

He was quiet for a minute, "We'll probably not go around my mom much."

"Thank God."

He smiled. "What about your family though? Will they be pissed off if they see you with me?"

I thought for a second. Would they? I didn't Cheyenne would get mad, but Ben? I wasn't so sure. "I don't think they would be… maybe it'd be a little awkward, y'know."

"Well… maybe we should stick to our original plan," he said, reading my thought.

I nodded, "For now, at least. Speaking of your family, what exactly happened after I got kicked out?"

"What do you mean exactly?"

"What'd your mom say, back at the lodge? Did you get in trouble? Did Iggy harass you? 'Cause he sure harassed me. And, why did you not come talk to me after your mom left?"

Fang blew out a sigh, "Well, first, she yelled and ranted a lot, and then she left. And I got grounded for a week. Iggy definitely harassed me along with Gazzy," he said this all casually, and then his voice grew softer, "I didn't come talk to you because I didn't think you wanted to talk to me."

It was a simple sentence, but it answered all my questions somehow, and made butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"Maybe I wanted you to."

He sighed again, "I thought you needed your space y'know… and I thought you would need some time to cool down after our little get together," he wagged his eyebrows.

I pulled my hand from Fang's and slapped his arm.

"Ow," he mumbled rubbing his arm. A flash went through me and I instantly felt guilty for hitting him, but I didn't say anything.

We made it safely back to our houses and I stared up at his house and sighed.

"Well I guess this is goodbye. See you tomorrow?" I asked.

He glanced at my window, "It doesn't have to be…"

I giggled and grabbed his hand. Wow, a giggle? Fang caused some strange things to happen to me.

We ran to my house, silently entered the door, and tip toed up stairs; I quietly closed my door and then-

Started laughing uncontrollably.

Fang smiled.

After my laughing fit, I walked over to my bed and sat down staring at my box.

Fang sat next to me and asked again, "What's in the box?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to show him. I was the only one who knew about it until then and I wasn't sure if I was ready to show someone else. The memories the box held were painful and haunting. I was pretty sure I could trust Fang with this secret, but I didn't know if it'd cause him to think any less of me.

I stared down at the box again. What it contained wasn't much, but it meant a lot to me. I grabbed a corner of the lid and pulled it back.

Inside laid a stuffed animal duck, an empty lotion bottle, and five photos.

I stared at the box silent as my stomach twisted with pain. I bit my lip.

I reached down slowly, hearing my heart beat in my ears as if someone was about to catch me doing something wrong.

My hand curled around the familiar yellow duck and I liked the way it felt warm and fuzzy in my hand.

"This is my mom's duck she had when she was little," I said, brushing her beak, "When I was five, right around the time my dad went crazy, he started throwing out everything of my mom's, her clothes, perfume, pictures, anything. And anyway, he did this for five days and on the third night I went into their room and grabbed the first few things I saw. The duck and lotion and pictures. I knew he was going to throw everything out and if I didn't grab something…So the duck was her's and these are a few pictures of us. The lotion was her signature scent"

I pulled the pictures out of the box, too. Fang watched from over my shoulder. The first one was of her holding me on a couch as a baby; the photo was blurry and worn from the years. The second was of my dad holding me. Not much to say about that one. Another was a picture of my mom washing dishes, sticking her tongue out at the camera. I couldn't help but smile at that one. The other was a picture of my dad glaring at the camera, his left cheek had some sort of green baby food on it, I was sitting in a high chair in the background next to him, smiling and clapping. The last one was picture of my mom hugging my dad; they were smiling at each other.

All the pictures had been taken within the same time frame; I was about two years old.

"Huh," Fang said looking at the pictures.

I shrugged and placed everything back in the box.

"Your mom looks like she loved you and your dad a lot."

If she loved me so much, why did she leave, I thought bitterly. "I guess."

Fang looked at me for a couple seconds, and then leaned back, bringing me to his chest. He kissed my head.

"What's her duck's name?"

A smile touched my lips, "Tiny."

"It fits… Your name fits you, too. She must have had a good imagination."

I glanced back at Fang; he always knew just what to say, even if it wasn't in words all the time.

I shifted, getting comfortable.

"From what I remember, she was a good Mom."

"She seemed like it in the pictures."

It was quiet for awhile, each of us thinking. Suddenly I felt tears well in my eyes.

Quickly, I reached over and clicked off my lamp, not wanting him to see my unshed tears.

"I'm tired," I said, clearing my throat.

Fang didn't say anything but pulled the blanket over us.

We lay quietly then, I'm pretty sure Fang knew I was upset, but he didn't say anything. He just held me. Words weren't needed to say what we were thinking; we could just lay here, hold hands.

_"Max! Where are you?" the demanding words rang through my head._

_"Right here, Sir," I said, stepping out of the kitchen._

_"Did you cook any food?" he kicked off his work shoes, and cracked open a beer that had been sitting on the table._

_"There isn't any food to cook."_

_He sighed, grumbling about how I always ate the food he worked so hard to pay for._

_"Fine. I'll order a pizza. I'm having some of my buddies over soon so don't be making a nuisance of yourself. Go up in your room and stay there until I tell you can leave."_

_"Yes, Sir."_

_I went up to my room and lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling queasy. Things never turned out well when his friends came over. _

_The sentience to my room was short lived. Ten minutes later I heard my dad shouting at me to come down stairs._

_I slowly walked downstairs, fear clenched my stomach and my head started to throb. I reached the bottom of the stairs. Maybe they just wanted me to go down to the store and get them chips… I hoped._

_My dad and four of his friends were surrounding a fold up table, cards in hands, eyes narrowed; all of them were smoking something or other._

_"There she is!" Dad shouted his voice eager._

_Hoots and cat calls followed._

_My stomach sank._

I bolted straight up in my bed, my heart pounding, my breathing was heavy.

"Max?" Fang said groggily, sitting up, "What's the matter?"

I inhaled, nothing's wrong I'm fine, I thought. I wasn't going to be upset by, this. I woke up before anything happened. It was just a dream. The memory flashed through my mind again and I winced.

I glanced at him, formulating a plan to say why I woke up, and burst into tears.

Fang realized what had happened, and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. He made soothing sounds and talked for awhile. I wasn't listening closely though, I was more focused on stopping the memories from flashing through my mine. I hated when this happened. I always felt like a wimp crying in front of Fang. Especially now. It felt weird being in his arms again like this, after we had sex. Not bad, just… different. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

I hated the memories more though. I wished I could take all the memories of my dad and burn them like I burned the letter. I just wanted them to stop.

And they did eventually, flowing through my mind. I'm not sure how long it took though it could have been a few minutes, or an hour. I never knew. I just kind of fell out reality when these things happened.

And the tears stopped too.

Fang and I lay together, holding and looking at each other. We had been quiet, not saying anything.

"You haven't had one of those dreams in awhile," Fang said quietly, breaking the silence.

I shrugged, "No, not lately."

And that's how we stayed for awhile, cuddled together, not saying a thing. Just being together, and that's all we needed.


	34. Chapter 34 Christmas Tree

**Chapter 34**

**Christmas Tree**

**Sendicard- Exactly. And I didn't to make it sound like that. And, probably, but her dad wasn't the richest guy around.**

**NightWrighter511- Woot woot! Fang stay in character! And the box items made sense!**

**Luxembourg- Oh no, not French fries!**

**Carlyroxursox- Great ideas, I will take them into consideration.**

**Nobody- Well, at least your still friends and you're still there for her. Yep, plannin' on ending it in after two more chapters.**

Around five in the morning I gave Fang a kiss goodbye, and he crawled down from my balcony to the snowy ground below, and then stumbled over to his house.

After he left I flopped back down onto my bed, reliving the events that happened last night, sneaking to the house, Fang following me then confronting me, finding the box, making up with Fang, going home, and it all ended with a dream sent from dad.

I hated having those dreams, especially when I was with Fang. I hated him seeing me like that. Like I was weak. I shudder as something built up in my chest. No one ever needed to see someone cry because of their dad like that, no one knew how badly it could hurt to be injured by someone who's suppose to protect you.

I stayed in bed for another hour, feeling sleepy but not able to call the numb darkness. I got up, got dressed, and stopping by the bathroom.

After I was cleaned up I went downstairs, there was a pile of boxes stacked up against the wall. Some were cardboard, some plastic, one of the boxes were labeled X-MAS.

My eyebrows furred, Christmas? Already? What was today? December… 17! Weird, Christmas was right around the corner and I didn't even notice.

"Max!" Cheyenne greeted, lugging in another box. "We're decorating for Christmas! Guess what? We're going to cut down a tree today!"

"Oh cool," I said, feeling lost, "You guys have a lot of decorations."

She nodded and set the box down, "We like to get in to the holiday spirit. There are cinnamon rolls on the counter if you want some."  
"Thanks," I called as she walked back out the door.

I walked to the kitchen and Nudge sat at the table eating a cinnamon roll.

"What are you doing up so early?" I asked, grabbing one for myself.

"We're going to cut down a tree in like two hours, and I wanted to make sure I had enough time to get ready."

"Two hours to get ready?" I shook my head.

She stuck her tongue out at me, "What a about you?"

I couldn't bring myself to tell Nudge why I had woken up so early, she was undoubtedly my best friend but she didn't need to know what happens in some of my dreams. She was too innocent to know, I could image her expression if I _did_ tell her.

My mind then thought I could tell her about Fang, but no, our relationship was meant to be a secret.

So I went with, "I couldn't sleep," which was half true.

"So have you ever cut down a tree?" Nudge asked as she tore off a piece of cinnamon roll.

"No." I said thinking back to Christmases with Dad. We did decorate; we had a little plastic tree that sat on the coffee table with a star on top. Usually around Christmas time Dad sobered up a little, and on Christmas day we'd go to a church, but that was basically all our holiday partying came to.

"Well, I'm sure you'll like it. It's fun."

"Aren't the trees already cut down and sold in some parking lot?"

She shook her head, "Not this place, we actually get to cut them down."

"Weird."

Later we were all piled in the car, headed off to see some tree dealer.

"So," Cheyenne said, "Tomorrow the Wilson's are coming over for the secret Santa drawing."

_What_?

"_All_ the Wilson's?" I asked.

Cheyenne nodded, "It's been kind of a tradition of ours. They come over, we watch Christmas movies, drink hot chocolate, and draw names to see which person you'll get a gift for."

Nudge glanced at Cheyenne, then to me worriedly.

"It's fun and we get to exchange gifts on Christmas day," Ben said.

I nodded and called up my fake smile. It seemed everyone but Nudge had kind of forgotten the bad air between Mrs. Wilson and me. Great, not only do I have to see her tomorrow, but on Christmas too. I could imagine it now, the glares, the rude remarks, and the awkwardness going on by the two families being reunited again.

I didn't say anything though, the others seemed happy and I didn't want to ruin it for them.

We reached the lot the trees were being sold in. Everyone piled out of the car and into the snowy parking lot.

We walked pass a few people sitting in front of a table inside a fenced in area with the trees.

A man smiled, "Ben! Great to see you! How are ya doin'?"

"Hey, Tim. We're fine, just looking for a tree."

I tuned out the rest and looked around. Stumps dotted the area surrounded by about thirteen pine trees. The stumps over ruled and I realized these trees were the last of their bunch. The whole area smelt like pine and somehow made it feel Christmas-y. It also reminded me of pine tree car air fresheners.

"Alrighty, let's go look around," Cheyenne said holding an ax they had given her.

I wasn't exactly sure what to look for in a tree so I just kinda followed Nudge around and watched her as she evaluated the trees.

"Not this one," she pointed to a tree, "it has a bald spot in the back."

I felt bad for the tree that no one wanted because it didn't look the way they wanted it to. Then I felt like I was in the _Charlie Brown_ Christmas episode.

In the end, we had chosen a five and a half foot tall tree. It was green, had a bald spot, and lopsided. It made me happy that we didn't get a "perfect" one. But it looked nicer than the others; they all had some mishap somewhere the others didn't like.

I watched as Ben swung the ax at the trunk of the tree; each chop deepening the cut. He and Cheyenne took turns chopping, and I wanted to try, it looked like fun, but I didn't ask. Just easier not to say anything y'know?"

It fell to the ground as Gazzy yelled, "Timber!"

We paid and said goodbye, lugging the tree to the car. We set it on the roof of the car and strapped it down with some jumpers and headed home.

Once the tree was set in its stand in the living room, we began to decorate. Which was strange for me, it felt weird, I had never decorated in my life, or a time that I could remember. We started with putting holiday music on, and then began pulling things from the boxes and decorating the tree in tinsel, lights, shiny glass balls, and other nick-nacks. We laid a tree skirt around the tree, and then started decorated the stair railings and shelves.

When we finished I stepped back and looked around at our creation and couldn't help but smile. It had lots of red, white, and green, it was all shiny and festive and it just made the house feel homey. So, this is what Christmas is supposed to be, I thought.

**Quick question, there's probably only going to be two chapters left. Should I make a squeal? **


	35. Chapter 35 Secret Santa

**Chapter 35**

**Secret Santa**

**Thank you all so, so much for reading/ reviewing. There's one chapter left to the story and maybe a squeal if I can think of a good plot for the second story.**

I sat stiffly and felt awkward as I glanced around the room. The Wilson's had been over for about ten minutes and things had all ready crashed and burned. Iggy kept cracking jokes that started off when Fang gave me a small smile. Mrs. Wilson was being nice to everyone, but purposely ignored me. Mr. Wilson acted as if nothing had happened or changed, Fang and I sat on the other sides of the room and kept our distance, and Angel seemed oblivious to it all.

Then Cheyenne was trying to keep things rolling along which just seemed to fuel the fire, Ben kept giving Iggy the death glare, Nudge was just excited that it was almost Christmas but kept shooting me worried looks, and Gazzy just found the whole thing _hilarious_.

I just wanted them to leave and go home. Couldn't anyone see that no one was having any fun? I wished I could talk to Fang and go hold his hand, but no, I was stuck watching the cartoon version of _The Christmas Carol._

It was towards the beginning when the poor children came begging for money and Mr. Magoo turns them down.

I was sitting near Iggy and heard him mumble, "I bet Fang didn't hold out on Max like that."

"Iggy, that's enough!" Mr. Wilson hissed.

Awkward silence followed.

I bet Cheyenne was wondering why she even attempted this.

So after watching _Frosty the Snowman _and the original _The Grinch Who Stole Christmas_, Cheyenne dismissed everyone and said we could finally draw names.

So we all sat in a circle on the floor, while Cheyenne held a glass fish bowl filled with slips of paper.

"Okay, just pass this around the circle and if you draw your name, put it back and grab a different one."

She grabbed a name, read it, and passed on the bowl, then Angel, Fang, Iggy, and so froth.

When it reached me, I held my breath hoping I'd get anyone other than Mrs. Wilson.

I pulled out a slip and read…

Iggy.

Fuck.

* * *

I had to go to school Monday and Tuesday then we were dismissed for winter break. I was so excited. Two weeks off from school, and my teachers had been nice enough not to assign any projects over break. When Tuesday afternoon rolled around I could barely sit still in my seat as we drove home.

"I'm so excited school is out! It's going to be so much fun! And since it snowed, we can have a snow ball fight! Those are awesome! Then one of the neighbors can yell at us for being destructive. That was so funny when Iggy hit Mr. Jones with a snow ball for screaming at us. He's so mean. I think it's because he's lonely and has no one to talk to. Hey! Maybe we should invite him over for Christmas dinner…" Nudge rambled.

Fang snorted as Iggy said, "Like he'd _want _to come to dinner."

I agreed with Nudge. Mr. Jones was this old man who lived across the street, his family never visited him, and his wife pasted away ten yeas ago. I'd always had a sensitive spot for him.

* * *

The next couple days flew by and soon it was December 23rd.

Cheyenne and Ben had gone on a shopping run, while Nudge and Gazzy went over to their friends. I was happy to relax and be alone for a while.

I still had no idea what to get Iggy for Christmas, I thought as I sat on my bed, maybe he'd want a-

There was a knock on my balcony door that made me jump.

Who the hell? I tip toed over to the door, peered out, and saw Fang.

I opened the door and let him in.

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, "I saw the others leaving and thought I might come visit."

"Great. You can help me think of a good gift to get Iggy."

"I had something else in mind…"

"Fang, we can't… last time-"

"It's different now."

True, it was but I wasn't sure.

I looked up at him. He slowly brought his mouth down to mine and murdered, "You can stop me at any time."

I nodded, resting my forehead against his, then brought my lips back to his. After a few kisses, I felt Fang's tongue trace my lips. With a sigh, I opened my mouth.

I titled my head, deepening the kiss. Fang's hands brushed my arm and I shuddered as goose bumps formed. My hands were tangled in his hair and he kept kissing me and I felt warm and hot, wanting more than kisses.

I pulled back and met Fang's eyes for a brief second before pulling his shirt off.

My soon followed.

Fang quickly stood up and walked over and closed and locked my door. I gave him a grateful smile. He walked back over and we continued to kiss and touch. Fan's jeans fell off along with my bra, then Fang's boxers, then my underwear.

Fang kept kissing me and touching me in certain areas that made me feel so good. I wanted to clench my muscles at the same time I wanted to spread my legs. I felt so hot and needy and kept wanting to pull Fang's hand away, but I felt too good to move. Whenever he found a spot that felt particularly good, I would gasp and my hips would jerk and Fang would groan.

Eventually, he pulled his hand away and laid on top of me, but I felt none of his weight.

"Are you ready?"

I nodded.

He slid in and I gasp, as my body jerked. Fang started out slow this time, feeling no need to rush.

It felt so good but the slowness was driving me crazy. I kept moving my hips, trying to help direct him, but it just ended up teasing me. I couldn't take going this slow and Fang seemed to realize this but didn't stop. After a few more grinds, I flipped us over, not being able to take it. On top, I felt my hair fall in my face, as I tried to find a rhythm that felt good.

I experimented, testing what felt good and what didn't. I moved different ways, loving the feeling of it all. I tried rocking and grinding and everything just felt so good.

I eventually forgot Fang was there, and when I opened my eyes and found him smiling at me, a blush lit my cheeks. I had forgot Fang was there, watching me, feeling what I felt and did, I wasn't feeling this alone, Fang was feeling it to but didn't seemed embarrassed like I did. Nonetheless, I didn't stop I kept going, moving the way that had felt best and soon Fang and I both climax, moaning and clenching and holding on for dear life.

We lay together, panting. For a few seconds I excepted someone to bust in. But no one did.

We were alone this time, and could actually talk and think about what happened. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. I rolled off Fang, and I stayed on my side watching him. His eyes were on me too. We stayed in silence for awhile and I kept replaying what happened in my head. I couldn't help it, I knew I shouldn't but I started to compare what Fang and I did to what happened with my dad. Fang asked. Dad ordered. Fang respected. Dad violated. Fang reassured. Dad brought you down. Fang cared. Dad didn't. Fang loved. Dad hated.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Fang asked.

I smiled, "Don't be cheesy."

"I'm serious," he said pecking my forehead.

"You're handsome too," I said kissing his lips.

After a few quite heartbeats Fang said, "Well I'm glad no one walked in this time."

I smirked and shook my head.


	36. Chapter 36 THE END

**THE END**

**Chapter 36**

**I hope you all have enjoyed this story as much as I have writing it. Thank, thank, thank you all for reading or reviewing!**

I sighed, annoyed, as I walked up and down the aisles at Wal-Mart, looking for a gift for Iggy.

"You could get him something lame like a flash light or hot sauce. That'd be funny," Nudge said.

"It would but I'm thinking something funnier..."

"Like a box of tampons?"

I laughed. "Yes, something funny like that, but for guys."

We looked in a big cardboard bin, trying to find something, anything really. Wal-Mart had been cleared out by the holiday rush and there was hardly anything left.

"Um, how about a yo-yo?" Nudge offered.

I shook my head.

"Why don't you just get him a lame holiday sweater?"

"That'll be the back up plan."

We walked through another aisle. It was full of hygienic stuff for men, tooth brushes, hair brushes, deodorant, shampoo, weird other stuff that men used. Though, most of it was picked over and only a few of each item was left over.

I passed something an paused. An evil smile lit my face. "Nudge? How about this?" I picked it up and showed her.

Her smile mirrored mine. "Perfect."

* * *

Later on, I sat in my room, wrapping my Christmas presents. I smiled, I was all set. I had everyone's gifts, Cheyenne, Ben, Nudge, Gazzy, Iggy, and Fang; that I'd give to him later on so the others won't get suspicious. I didn't know what to get Fang, but I made a little make-shift gift. Sort of. I got a big stocking and put Crunch candy bars, a few movies I had managed to get a hold of, a CD, and a few other things I found. It wasn't great but it was still a gift, and I hope he'd like it.

I also got a gift for Total. A doggy bone that he'd be chewing on for days.

I grabbed the presents and went downstairs, Total trotted behind me. Cheyenne was in the kitchen on the phone, she nodded her head, and when she saw me, smiled. I smiled back and piled the gifts under the tree and glanced at the TV. It was about 8:30 PM and all the holiday movies were on. I plopped down on the couch next Nudge.

"What're we watching?"

"_Holiday in Handcuffs_."

I raised my eyebrow.

She shook her head, "Just watch."

* * *

**Fang's POV**

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I didn't know what to get Max for Christmas. She was my secret Santa… person… thing. Whatever. I couldn't find anything to get her. Everything was pretty much cleaned out and everything that I could find I knew she wouldn't like. Not that she'd say it, but I wanted to find something special. I was in my car driving around the dark and snowy city, trying to find a shop that would be worth looking in. I had already gone to two stores and the mall and couldn't find anything. I glanced at the window at the passing signs. Pulling up to a stoplight, one sign in particular stood out. Just then, I knew what I was getting Max for Christmas. But then I'd have to ask Cheyenne or Ben if they'd allow it. Sighing, I brought up Cheyenne's number in my phone, figuring she be more agreeable and kinder than Ben. Ben had been giving me the cold shoulder lately and I didn't blame him but I didn't want to push him either.

**Max's POV**

On Christmas eve morning, I walked in to the kitchen. Ben was sitting at the table reading a paper, and Nudge was across the counter from Cheyenne, talking to her.

"Can we please?" Nudge asked.

Cheyenne thought for a minute and sighed. "Fine. But you have to ask him."

Nudge's face paled a little but she smiled, "Okay. Thank you." She glanced at me, "Hey Max? Will you come with me please?"

"To where?" I asked as she led me out of the kitchen.

"To invite Mr. Jones to tomorrow's dinner."

"What? No!"

* * *

An hour later we stepped onto Mr. Jones's slippery front porch. Nudge dang the doorbell.

Nothing happened. A minute passed.

"Maybe he's not home," I suggested quietly.

Nudge looked saddened by this. "We can try later-"

Just then the door flung open.

"What?" Mr. Jones demanded, staring at us. He was about 5'3 with watery green eyes and balding white hair.

Nudge quickly stepped up, "Hi Mr. Jones, I'm Ally Preston from down the street-"

"I know who you are." he grumbled.

"Um, well, tomorrow, if you don't have any plans, we were wondering if you wanted to come over to my house at 5 o' clock for Christmas dinner?" She rushed this all out and I barely understood her.

His face softened a fraction. "Tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"At 5?"

"Yes, sir."

"For Christmas?" he sneered the last word.

"Uh-huh."

He paused glaring at us. A few beats passed before he finally said, "Fine." and slammed the door shut.

I glanced at Nudge, "Do you realize how messed up tomorrow's dinner is going to be?"

She smiled and laughed as we stepped off his porch.

* * *

That night I sat on Nudge's bed as we talked about tomorrow. What was going to happen, what _might _happen, the order of everything, and so on. Suddenly I was filled with nostalgia. On Christmas at my old house, we'd go to church all day long from 9 AM to 6 PM and do nothing else, no presents, or a meal or any other celebration. And it all just felt so weird now, I couldn't wrap my head around it. I wonder what dad was doing at jail. Was there going to be some kind of celebration? A church service? I realized then, this was the first time since leaving I actually wondered how my dad was. What was happening in jail and what he was doing. Something hot twisted in my stomach and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I managed to get in there walking normally but as soon as the door shut, tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't even know what I was crying for or for who and suddenly I felt stupid and selfish. I made the tears stop, washed my face with warm water, took a deep breath, and went back to Nudge's room.

* * *

I woke up with a scream of horror as someone flung themselves on my bed and tried to "shake" me awake. I stared wide eyed at Gazzy who was smirking but somehow managed to look apologetic, "Sorry," he said. "but you need to wake up! "

I looked from him to my open door where Nudge stood also smirking, "You okay?"

"Fine," I mumbled, standing up.

"Merry Christmas!" Gazzy beamed at me.

"Merry Christmas to you, you little asshole."

He laughed.

"Can we go downstairs?"

Nudge nodded, "We had to wake you up."

We left my room and walked downstairs. Cheyenne and Ben were already down there, a camcorder aimed at us. Total sat on a pillow licking his paw and Cheyenne rubbed his ears. The lights on the tree were lit, a fire was crackling in the fire place, and we could see snow falling outside through the window.

Chatter started as we sat next to the tree. Presents were passed, and started opening, and wrapping paper began to pile up, and "Thank you!" s were squealed. It was so amazing to see everyone so excited and happy all at the same time.

An hour and a half later we all had our things stashed together in a pile. I had gotten an iPod, and an iTunes gift card, along with a few movies, and scented lotion and a few other knick knacks.

Even Total got a little pile of doggy toys which he was happily chewing on.

The Wilson's were coming over at 4 and it was about 11:40.

Nudge and I retreated upstairs to get dressed as Ben and Cheyenne started the feast, and Gazzy put on holiday cartoons.

Upstairs, I let Nudge decide what I should wear. Big mistake. She had pulled out a thigh length red dress. After much agreement and a few insults, I stepped into the dress.

Nudge smiled. "Ohh! You look so pretty!"

I put in a new pair of shiny blue earrings. I knew they didn't match but I had to do something that made me look a little Max- ish. Then I pulled my hair up using a teeth hair clip.

After we were dressed, we went downstairs and helped cook.

When 4 rolled around the Wilson's came over. After some chatting we decided it was time to exchange gifts.

Cheyenne said, "Okay, find your secret Santa and trade gifts."

I picked up my two gifts and went over to Iggy.

"Merry Christmas." I said smirking, handing him the gifts.

"What's with the smile? Fantasizing about Fang?"

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"No, sometimes I think about other girls." he unwrapped his first gift and pull out a tacky red sweater with giant Santa that lit up on it. We had also gone with Nudge's sweater idea.

"Thanks…" Iggy mumbled. He unwrapped his other box, in which he found a Cheerio box, he opened that to find another wrapped box. He rolled his eyes at me and unwrapped the paper and finally found his gift.

"Nose… hair trimmers?"

"Take the hint," I whispered loudly.

He smirked, "I think my dad needs this more than I do."

Just then someone tapped my shoulder.

I turned around to find a full blown smile from Fang, who was holding a large box.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Iggy thankfully walking over to Gazzy.

"Merry Christmas," Fang said, sitting on the couch.

I followed his lead and sat down too.

Fang held out the box to me and I lamely said, "Is that for me?"

He was kind enough not to say, "well, duh." instead, he nodded.

I took the box and smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Well, open it." he encouraged.

It was a box with a lid, not wrapped in holiday paper. I pulled off the lid and out popped a tiny gold retriever. S/he was furry with light gold fur, her/his ear were floppy and when s/he saw me, it barked a tiny puppy yip.

I stared at it and pulled it out of the box.

"Hi honey," I said that's when I noticed s/he only had three legs. Her/his back right leg was nonexistent.

I rubbed its ear and s/he licked my hand happily.

"Her name's Glory. You can change it though if you want. She's three and a half weeks old."

She panted and looked around the room. Surprisingly the others hadn't noticed yet.

"Hi sweetie. You're so little."

She crawled out of my lap and I moved the empty box to the floor. She sat on the couch and when she spotted Fang baked again.

"I got her from the pound two days ago. They got her and her siblings when they where one week old. She was born without a hind leg, but she gets around pretty well."

"Oh Fang," I quickly wrapped my arms around him, "thank you! Thank you so much!"

He smiled.

I pulled back and looked at my puppy who was sniffing the couch.

I moved her onto the floor and watched her walk around. Soon everyone else noticed and came to meet her, cooing and baby talking. I loved her already she found one of Total's toys and started gnawing on it.

"She's so cute!" Nudge squealed.

"Hopefully Total won't eat her!" Gazzy said merrily, earning a hand to the back of the head.

When 5 rolled around Mr. Jones came over and dinner started. And what was really surprising was Mr. Jones wasn't his normal cold hearted self. He wasn't exactly nice, but he wasn't rude either, more like blunt.

We were all gathered around the table, passing around food.

I couldn't help but smile at the scene. I couldn't help but feel like something was going to mess it up.

And Glory- as weird as her name was, I decided to keep it- kept wandering off, sniffing through the house but I kept a close eye on her as she explored. When Total first meet her he growled and she coward but after they stiffed each other's butts they didn't growl or act different. They didn't really interact after that, although Total watched her from the corner of his eye.

After dinner we all hung around for awhile. Ben, Mr. Wilson, and Mr. Jones cracked open the beers in the kitchen. Mom and Mrs. Wilson- who I've surprisingly manage to avoid- sat on the couch talking. And the rest of us went upstairs; watching Glory roam around and everyone playing with gifts. Like Gazzy's remote control helicopter, that had already rammed into Iggy's face. Twice.

When 8 PM struck, everyone was still over. Talking and laughing, Ben, Mr. Jones, and Mr. Wilson were passed drunk and I kept my space not liking the scent on their breath. Glory had peed in Gazzy's room and Iggy was still laughing as Gazzy complained.

"We should go for a drive," Cheyenne suggested, "this might be our last chance to see Christmas lights."

We all agreed and I kissed Glory goodbye- putting her in Total's old kennel and gave her a treat and bone.

We had to take two separate cars since there was so many of us. Cheyenne, Ben, Mrs. Jones, Nudge, Angel and I were in one car and the others were taking Mrs. Wilson's car.

We began driving through our neighborhood, the heater cranked up to fight off the cold. The holiday lights twinkled and gleamed, some lights streaking together. Robotic deer turned their heads and fake sleighs sat on roofs.

We went from one neighborhood to another, enjoying the company, not wanting the fun to end. The others, in Mrs. Wilson's car followed behind us.

We had gone through most of our neighbor hoods and Ben offered, well more like slurred, "We s-should go to the rich people's neighbor. They're psh-probably decked out in the good ol' holly jolly spirit."

Cheyenne sighed but obliged. She left the neighborhood we were in and got on the free way, the big houses were about 5 minutes away if you took the freeway. We were the only two cars on the freeway, it was deserted. Everyone must be at there houses still too stuffed to move.

"Be c-careful, now," Ben warned from the passenger seat.

Christmas music blared from the speakers and everything happened so suddenly. We hit the black ice out of no where, no one prepared for it. Cheyenne jerked the steering wheel trying to gain some control. It didn't work. We began to spin and slide, then suddenly we hit something making the car rolled over and everyone kept screaming as we heard a blood curdling _crunch_. Just as vivid as the details formed in the accident, they vanished. I saw black. Black like being tainted, I was tainted. I was falling; I felt it, free falling and it felt amazing. I didn't know was happening but the deeper I fell the more lost I got, knowing I'd never find my way back. So. this is how you lose yourself


	37. Chapter 37 AN

**Sorry to get everyone's hopes up, and no this isn't a new chapter. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry if you didn't like the ending. I didn't try to make it seemed rushed, I just thought the story would be better, if it ended with a clifffy y'know? The story didn't start out happy, and it didn't end with a happily ever after. Something your mind goes to a lot, to either complain or fantasize, make up your own ending. Either way though, your thinking about it :D **

**And I'm sorry it took so long to post this too. Way back in June when I read the first few reviews, and people weren't happy with the chapter, I kept wanting to go back and change it to something people liked more. But I finally worked up the nerve to read them (I know I makes me a wimp because it took so long) and decided write this. I hope you weren't too upseted, and if you liked it I'm glad!**

**Lastly, sorry if you got all excited to just find out that this was an A/N.**

**Goodbye**!


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